<p>NEM hit the nail right on the head. You can work out anything together. The only tiny thing I’d add is to be considerate of the rest of the people on your list, as well.</p>
<p>Soozie sings, alone in a blue spot light, the haunting song:
There’s Only One of Me
Curtain falls, end of Act I</p>
<p>I find that it’s not the marriage part that’s tough, it’s the gaining more parents part. :D</p>
<p>H and I are definitely conferencing among ourselves before presenting a plan to either set of parents – that’s why we started talking about it this weekend rather than being put on the spot a few months from now.</p>
<p>Our parents were mostly very good about the holiday splitting last year, but there are of course underlying issues, even if they don’t verbalize them. My parents are a little jealous that we spend so much more time with my in-laws (quoth my mom, when they came for 4th of July, “Don’t have kids, because I don’t want to be the ‘bad’ grandma they never see.”). On the other side, my in-laws take it for granted that we’re always available for their events – my SIL is coming home this weekend, and we won’t be able to see her because we’re going on vacation. We told MIL/SIL when we would be on vacation, but it went in one ear and out the other and she is coming while we’re gone.</p>
<p>mafool, I love your musical!</p>
<p>Mafool- the musical is wonderful- I think those of us on the thread need front row seats for a CC reunion when Soozie’s D produces it on Broadway!</p>
<p>Mollie- NEM mom is so right, if you and your husband can be in agreement it is so much better, keep your attitudes positive, believe each other when you hear wacky stories about family “stuff” and stay on the same page not allowing any one manipulative to do a gotcha before you realise it.</p>
<p>I did not enjoy at all having my FIL stay at my house for many years of grade school and middle school Christmas; sharing Christmas morning with him and his judgment was not fun for me, but it was important to my husband AND my DH never pretended his parents weren’t a PITA- he admitted it up front, knew it, and agreed; that made it easier for me to do the “right” thing for his sake!</p>
<p>mollie, more parents and more family does make for more complications. You can already see that you cannot please everyone in the family all of the time. I am sorry that your mom feels hurt. You have gotten a taste of the self centered comments that can arise (ie: the “bad grandma” comment). </p>
<p>BTW, when we started our family, we gave equal grandparenting time to both sides. This way nothing could be measured. We let everyone have “equal” babysitting time, while H and I escaped! It was great while the honeymoon period lasted (our first child was the first granchild on both sides), but it grew old very quickly. You might take advantage if your mother wants to measure time, if you do have children down the road. If they live far away, hey, your first child can visit grandma and grandpa for a week while you and your H take a break (even if you stay home, after 3 months of being sleep deprived with an infant, you will feel like you are on vacation).</p>
<p>NortheastMom…we did that too. Our kids have been lucky to have had two sets of grandparents who are very into being grandparents. They all live out of state. So, for many years, when we went on our yearly couple vacation, one or the other set of grandparents got the kids. This went on every year until they started going to overnight camps and we took our vacations during that time. Then, when the kids got much older, the grandparents want them to visit without US. They both are very big on getting the grandkids without their parents.</p>
<p>Act II Scene 1
Curtain rises on a chorus number:</p>
<p>CC Intervention (to a modified cha cha rhythm)</p>
<p>with featured parts for Zoosermom, northeastmom, somemom and jyber209</p>
<p>(working on a song for the ingenue: Mollyb. Any ideas?)</p>
<p>“You Can’t Always Get What You Want…”</p>
<p>LOL, mafool. Soozievt, at least your DDs go to visit their grandparents, so “Cats In the Cradle” would not apply to your family (also you have daughters). Its a great song though. It reminds sons to have time for their fathers. Soozievt, at least your children’s grandparents never tired of having their grandchildren visit for 5-7 days. Ours did after a few years. My mother is close, and my MIL was close by until recently, so our kids saw them often enough.</p>
<p>This musical is very funny! My younger D would be so great at writing humorous lyrics, if you only knew (this is up her alley). Her main summer job involves writing a musical that will be performed at the end of the month at Madison Square Garden. She is great at writing songs and lyrics (even though she is a performer). So, I can just see what she’d do with ths material!! LOL</p>
<p>NortheastMom, I must admit, my kids have had doting grandparents. They did take the kids for a week when they were infants up through the time they went to overnight camps. When my kids were 2 & 4, I had a very bad case of mono for a month and was completely bed ridden and each set of grandparents came here for a week to take care of the kids. Then, they have wanted the kids to visit them without us and they’ve done so as older kids many times including across the country several times. D2 is on a train back to NYC from the weekend with my in-laws right now. D1 did that trip a couple of weeks ago and also to my mother’s this summer. </p>
<p>Also, my kids see their grandparents at other times. The grandparents have traveled a bunch to see my kids, particularly in shows/performances. Unfortunately, my parents never saw D1 in any ski races which she did her entire life but they are not skiers or are not up here in winter. Grandparents traveled to kids’ camps to see them in shows too. My mom went to NYC earlier in summer and took D2 to a Broadway show and is doing the same thing with D1 in a couple of weeks as a birthday treat. My mom can barely get around and will have a driver. Her days of coming up to Vermont may be over. </p>
<p>So, the thing is, the grandparents on both sides have not only been doting and wanting the kids to visit and also going to see the kids’ events long distance, but they are both very generous to the kids and have made opportunities available to them that they might not get to do otherwise. And so as much as their demands (on both sides) can be unreasonable at times (such as the Thanksgiving headaches), it is hard to say no because of all that they do for my kids which is a LOT.</p>
<p>^Awhhh, that was sweet soozie! Most grandparents are basically good people. They sometimes just get so involved with themselves that they forget or ignore all of the other circumstances that prevent them from getting what they want all of the time.</p>
<p>Another solo song suggestion for Soozie:</p>
<p>I’m a Mother Too Now, Mom –
And I gotta do what’s best for my kids!</p>
<p>One problem that I’ve seen is that a family never gets an opportunity to start their own holiday traditions. They are always going to someone else’s home for the holdiays. One family I know who would always trek off to relatives houses for every Christmas finally said “no more.” They got tired of never spending Christmas at home and having to fight the traffic, etc.</p>
<p>big show-stopper (and argument-stopper LOL!):</p>
<p>**Vermont, Vermont<a href=“sung%20to%20the%20tune%20of%20%5BI%5DNew%20York,%20New%20York%5B/I%5D”>/B</a></p>
<p>Start spreading the news, We’re staying this year
We want to be a part of it – Vermont, Vermont!
These vagabond shoes, are longing to stay
Right in the very heart of it – Vermont, Vermont!</p>
<p>I wanna wake up on a hillside that always sleeps
And find I’m king of the hill - top of the heap!</p>
<p>These little town dreams are coming my way
We’ll make a brand new start of it – in our Vermont!
If I can keep us here, we’ll then go anywhere
Its up to us! – Vermont, Vermont!</p>
<p>^^^^ Post of the day!!!</p>
<p>jyber, kudos for my smile of the day! </p>
<p>Here is the irony…</p>
<p>For my parents’ 50th anniversary affair in Philly, my two girls entertained by rewriting the lyrics to New York New York (at my mother’s request) and doing a song and choreographed dance to it as a tribute to their grandparents, backed up by a band. My D is very good at writing lyrics and it happened to be to that song. For my Dad’s 70th, they did a song/dance and rewrote the lyrics to Hello Dolly.</p>
<p>Soozie- we all will want to hear the final report on your family Tgiving plans- no pressure, but you are setting an example for Mollie :D</p>
<p>A couple points:
- Dec. 25 is NOT the actual date Christ was born. And the fourth Thursday in November was arbitrarily chosen as a day for Americans to give thanks. You can get together to celebrate on whatever dates work best for your families. (Travel is often cheaper for non-official-holiday dates, too.) A friend of mine’s extended family tradition is “Christmas in July” because that’s when it works best for the married grandkids to get together. Another friend’s in-laws have traditionally celebrated Christmas the weekend after Christmas, while my sister-in-law’s family celebrates Christmas the first weekend in December. Everyone in my family (who is available) celebrates Thanksgiving the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and we rotate the location. Since both my parents have passed away, my siblings and I are pretty flexible about when exactly we get together to celebrate Christmas – but we always get together, and we’re always very understanding that it might not work for everyone every year to be there. (Actually, my parents and my H’s parents were always very understanding and accommodating about holiday schedules – which made the family get-togethers more enjoyable and made us actually WANT to be there.)<br>
- MollieB, whatever schedule you establish now (rotating holidays, etc.) is subject to change in the future when your brother marries and/or when you have kids. (For example, you might have to make some adjustments to a rotation schedule to accomodate a future sister-in-law’s family.)
- We will all remember the anguish that kids/grandkids go through when parents/in-laws/grandparents are less than understanding and reasonable about holidays, so NONE of us are going to inflict this kind of anguish on our offspring!</p>
<p>whatever4, I like your family’s style. LOL, when I was newer at this, I felt that I needed to take a day off (or at least half a day) to cook for our Thanksgiving crowd. Celebrating it on a Saturday, allows travel time, and cooking/cleaning time for the host/hostess since most people are off on Thanksgiving Day. It was not until a couple of years ago that we celebrated Thanksgiving on a Saturday by necessity (one of our relatives was too ill to travel and this was the best solution that year).</p>
<p>We do our family Thanksgiving on Saturday. We appease the relatives on Thursday.</p>