Since parts of Maine are near the international border, home birth could potentially lead to questions later about whether the kid was really born in the US: https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/the_americas/us-is-denying-passports-to-americans-along-the-border-throwing-their-citizenship-into-question/2018/08/29/1d630e84-a0da-11e8-a3dd-2a1991f075d5_story.html
My great grandmother was a midwife, as was her grandmother. She delivered every baby of color for the most part in the small Alabama town as they were obviously not allowed to go to the hospital. She told me she never lost a baby. This is not heresay as she didn’t pass until I was 30 so I grew up with her, as I spent every summer in Alabama as a child until I was 16. She was still delivering babies until I was around age 11. I think home births are great!
Good luck!
I’ve had 4 spontaneous, unmedicated homebirths and I absolutely love homebirth!
I hate hospitals, so the idea of having my babies at one is terrifying and doesn’t sound very comfortable.
Home made sense for me, as it’s cleaner than a hospital, and I knew I’d feel more relaxed and comfortable at home - which is essential for an easier birth with less complications.
All 4 of my births have been fast and easy, with no complications.
They were 5hrs, 3hrs, 3.75hrs and 3hrs.
They came spontaneously at 40+4, 39+3, 39+4 and 42+3.
My husband has been 100% supportive of whatever I want, and what I want is what’s best for baby and I - in this case, homebirth is the best choice for us.
(We live 45 minutes from the nearest hospital.)
I just had my 4th baby at home 2 months ago.
I highly recommend it, if that’s what you want to do! 
Research it, talk to other mothers who have had positive homebirth experiences, inform yourself of the possible risks and definite benefits, and interview several midwives until you find one you really love (if you want to have a midwife). <3
Homebirths are also way safer than hospital births, especially if you have low risk pregnancies.
Let me know if you have any questions, I’ll be happy to answer them!
(I’ve also never been afraid at all during labor and delivery.)
I wanted to have my babies at home, DH was totally freaked out at that idea. We compromised by having them in the hospital but with no intervention unless there was an emergency. No emergency either time and healthy, perfect babies, so probably would have been fine at home.
Two aspects of the hospital experience I would have loved to avoid by having my babies at home:
- Quieter.
- Avoid the nonsterile, totally nasty hospital environment. Hospital acquired infections are a serious issue and only growing in number and difficulty to treat with all the antibiotic resistant organisms. If you ever saw the results from germ tests on common hospital surfaces or how few medical professionals wash their hands in between every single patient contact, you’d vomit. I remember how horrified my sister was when she was recovering after delivering her baby and the very nice cleaning woman came in. The cleaning lady first cleaned the bathroom then used that same rag to wipe down the phone, counter and other room surfaces and then (without washing her hands) stoked the baby’s cheek… Hospitals are really disgusting places. Unless I’m dying and there’s no alternate to treatment, I get the heck out of any hospital setting as quickly as possible.
I didn’t have a home birth but I did have a natural delivery at a birthing center using a midwife (with hospital admitting privileges) it was an amazing experience.
I’m also a neonatal nurse who has encountered a lot of prejudice by medical staff about midwives. If a baby was admitted to NICU following a midwife birth it quickly became well known, but people didnt focus on the 99.9% babies admitted following a planned birth in a hospital.
I’d be careful listening to advice from strangers, these are decisions your family have to make together.
Thanks to all who responded. To clarify, the only say I have in this is whether to allow my daughter to have her baby in my house. I’ve already said yes.
I really was just looking for stories about people’s experiences with home birth. This is not a scientific survey and I do understand the difference between science and anecdotes. I’m all too aware of the risks. I have also looked at the research demonstrating the benefits of a non-medicalized birth.
I also know how far from the Canadian border I live and we are fine.
My sole reason for posting was to hear my contemporaries’ experiences, as I’ve never known anyone who had a home birth. (The ttragedy I referenced in my OP occurred in a hospital setting, but it has haunted me for years.)
I appreciate all who took the trouble to respond. I will look for the groups mentioned by @missbeevee .
@partyof5 , your post about your family’s midwifery reminds me of a lovely documentary from the 1950s about a midwife who served the African-American community where she lived. I never saw the whole thing because I was in a hotel on a business trip, but the part I saw was amazing.
@Massmomm how far away does your D live from you? Depending on how far away she is, is she planning to stay with you in the weeks leading up to her due date? Just asking because if she doesn’t live that close to you, will she have time to get to your house if she goes into labor earlier than expected at home?
Probably a dumb question, but is home birthing an activity that is covered (or should be) under homeowner’s insurance?
A couple of my friends have chosen to have all their children at home (all within the last 18 years). One of them was helped by a midwife, and chose to have two water births. Her experiences were very positive, babies happy and healthy. During the birth of her first child, she found it to be extremely intense because she had no real frame of reference for what labor would be like and having a very experienced midwife (as well as friends who had already given birth naturally) with her during labor helped her immensely in having a successful home birth. Her second labor was about the same in intensity but her comfort level in understanding the process was much greater and she found it to be even better than the first. The actual births with both babies were very peaceful when the babies delivered, babies alert and calm, mother healthy and no complications.
My other friend just welcomed her eleventh child via home birth a couple of years ago. She has had 11 very successful home birth experiences. Home birth can definitely be a wonderful experience for mothers, babies and the whole family.
As someone who personally considered home birth (chose not to due to complications that arose during pregnancy) but did deliver with help of midwife and doula (natural birth), I would say that understanding risk is very important, and understanding the risk exists with every choice made is also very important. It sounds like you and your daughter have been and are being very thoughtful about the choices being made; I wish your daughter a happy and healthy pregnancy. I also hope she is able to have the labor and delivery she choses as best for her.
@Massmomm you are being a fabulous mom! One book that you might like it Sheila Kitzinger’s Becoming A Grandmother. Kitzinger is a very famous homebirth pioneer and grandmother. I am sure she addresses the unique position of being the mother of the birthing mother in her book. Frankly, it’s bound to be scary and wonderful all at the same time! You are also being very generous in opening your home to her.
I don’t have a homebirth experience but I have a friend who is a midwife and she is awesome. One story she told is that once a family cat was also giving birth at the same time her client was in labor, and the cat had some trouble, so she helped the cat and afterwards the woman. This was very sweet and hilarious at the same time!
I was born at home. My mother is an MD and had an MD in attendance, 5 minutes from a teaching hospital. I was the fourth child and my mom was sick and tired of all the unnecessary intervention and separation from her babies in the 3 previous hospital births. She was extremely happy with the experience.
One of my dear friends had all 4 of her children underwater at home. I can only say that from the film I saw, she looked so calm and peaceful, you’d think she was breathing through some stomach cramps and maybe a penicillin shot at the end.
My D3 was born at home, no problems and no complications.
I would have been afraid to have my first baby at home, but I really wanted something like a birth center rather than a hospital. There were none around, and I was having twins the first time anyway! I really didn’t like the hospital experience I had with the twins, especially with them being whisked away right after birth. I had a good doctor, and he had experience with delivering multiples without a lot of intervention and even if the second twin was breech. So, I had a natural birth in the hospital, without even an IV, which amazed some people but not me.
I went with a licensed midwife and home birth for D3. In my state at that time, midwives were certified separately, and there were also CNMs but there were no hospitals that had CNMs on staff. Some of the CNMs were doubly licensed and attended homebirths. It was such a different experience seeing a midwife for prenatal care. It just felt much more caring and holistic. The midwives came with oxygen and other emergency supplies and drugs they were licensed to use in case of any emergency. We also lived in a city and a hospital was nearby.
When I was in the hospital for the twins, labor was very fast and straight forward. I was lucky. That hospital had a 50% C-section rate that year, I found out later. For the homebirth, labor was much slower and more painful because the baby was posterior. It’s a whole other thing your body has to do and it just takes time. Hospitals aren’t the safest place to have a slow labor because they want to keep you on the clock and they’re more likely to step in with interventions. I wouldn’t want to start that cascade of unneeded interventions.
I had a tiny house with only one bathroom and no good extra space for the midwives, who arrived in the middle of the night and stayed until the next evening, but they managed quite well. It was very comfortable to be at home! Especially after the birth, lol. I remember not being able to sleep in the hospital because of all the beeps and noises.
I would have been so much better off with a C-section than the “natural birth” the hospital went with. That said, hope your D is not skimping on a prenatal care. I can’t empathize this enough.
Of course she isn’t skimping on prenatal care!
Are you comfortable saying yes? Is it what you want to do or are you saying yes bc you feel pressure to? I think your answer to those questions are the ones that matter. Nothing else. If you are OK with it, then let them and celebrate being part of it and let everything else go. You won’t have control over what happens, so accept that and be a grandma bystander ready to greet your new grandbaby. The responsibility of understanding everything is theirs. But, if you really are not OK with it, you just need to be honest with them and tell them why.
I personally would tell my children no. I know that I could not handle it if something went wrong. I know I would internally process any complications with assuming guilt in culpability. I don’t know what your traumatic experience was, but I had 9 full-term babies and have 8 living children. I don’t want any of my children to ever suffer what we did, so there is no way I would let them deliver in our house. Equally, I know we could have a conversation with our kids and they would understand that. All of them have been to the cemetery multiple times over the yrs. They would be able to understand and respect my feelings on the matter.
If your traumatic experience is making you reluctant to say yes, then do not dismiss your own feelings on the matter. You need to know what you can live with. But, if your traumatic experience makes you think you want to embrace their birthing in your home, then do share your concerns but say yes and let everything else go.
I’m in medical school, and my wife delivered our daughter at home (one bedroom apartment) a little over a year ago. Everything I heard and read in med school made it clear that the hormonal control of childbirth is only possible in a secure, comfortable, familiar setting.
Our homebirth experience was the most beautiful, positive experience of our lives. We had no nurse, no midwife, no one but me and and my wife. My wife went 4 weeks past her due date, and we were getting daily calls asking about her. We eventually stopped answering the phone. Both our families were frightened by our decision to go unassisted, but it was the best decision we made.
My wife had been feeling contractions in the evening, so we stayed up and watched a movie, but went to bed because it seemed like she wouldn’t deliver that night. At 8 am, she woke me up and said she was in labor. My part was holding her hand, support and encouragement, directing the hot shower water to her lower back for a little while, and to catch. At 10:03, my daughter was born, 8lbs4oz. My wife was able to hold her, feed her, and lie down with her immediately. It was quiet, calm, serene. There was no screaming in pain, no beeping monitors, no nurses to weigh and wash, and poke and prod the baby. Even the baby wasn’t in distress, and only cried enough to let us know her lungs were working well.
I encourage everyone I talk to to embrace the idea of childbirth as a natural part of life. It’s not an anomaly. It’s not something that requires medical intervention, unless there is a clear indication of problems. The female body is literally designed and built to perform exactly this function. I believe childbirth is BEST done at home, and should only be in a hospital in an emergency.
So, to the OP, I would say not to be frightened for your daughter’s sake. If your home is where she feels safe and secure, she will have a much better experience there than in a hospital. She just needs your love and encouragement, to calm her down and make her feel comfortable when the birth comes. Her body can and will take care of all the rest.
Wow, when I was in Germany in the 80’s a clinic with a C-section over 10% was considered dangerous. But things have changed - they now have the highest rate in Europe - about 30%.