Me, too. But unless the LD nurses lied to me, it’s not very common. And I guess to be fair I only barfed for 2 or 3 hours so it technically wasn’t the whole time. If it’s not common maybe best not to worry people about something that’s unlikely to happen. But yes, that’s another reason I was leery of pain meds which can also make me puke.
@Midwest67 They do have clear reasons for wanting to do this at home. I understand their thinking and their philosophy, even if I would choose to do things differently. When I was having my children, I did not want a particular experience of birth the way some women do. I just wanted the kid out of me ASAP and for both of us to be healthy. And both kids were healthy. What’s interesting is that I did have some negative experiences (jackhammering for a new wing right outside the room where I was delivering my son, for example) that didn’t bother me all that much, but absolutely horrified my daughter when I mentioned them. We’re just different people.
@Gudmom, the doc who treated my daughter during her illness two years ago said she was low risk for pregnancy complications. That was literally the first thing I asked her to find out before considering this! And if she doesn’t have the baby here in my house, she’ll just have it in her apartment in the Boston area, which she doesn’t want to do.
As an aside, my D2 and I just watched the final episode of Orphan Black, and there is a very graphic and painful labor scene in it. D2 was completely horrified. I was hoping it wouldn’t put her off from the process for life… Honestly, I think sometimes women don’t really share their worst stories with their daughters or young women. For me (and I expect for many of you), having my children was worth every second of pain and blood and risk. But the tradeoff can look daunting to young women, too. So sometimes I think we sugarcoat the difficulty, and risk of things that could go wrong as well, for baby or mom. I personally am a “prepare for the worst, and hope for the best” kind of person.
@intparent I am the same way. My daughter did hear my labor stories and those of several of my friends while she was growing up. We just talked about these things because they are a normal part of life. I can’t help but think that my friend’s tale of giving birth in a hospital hallway and mine of the episiotomy from hell influenced her decision to avoid a hospital birth!
I wouldn’t share some of the more painful, gory details with my DILs or with any young woman. At the time you’re going through them, you deal with them and move on. But for someone who has this to “look forward to,” I think it could cause a lot of worry, fear and stress.
I do worry about D because of her bleeding disorder. But her grandmother has the same disorder (without knowing it) and had five kids, so I guess I shouldn’t worry.
@VeryHappy, that ship has sailed. She overheard me chatting to friends on several occasions over the years and was interested, rather than horrified, at the time. But I do have limits on what I share with friends. Even my episiotomy tale was more humorous than explicit. But I can’t say that it didn’t make her wary of hospital births.
^No, that’s the common bleeding disorder. That’s what they tested DS for at first. It took a year and 14 blood draws to discover that it’s Factor XI Deficiency, which is called Hemophilia Type C. It’s from DH’s grandfather, who was an Ashkenazi Jew.
One thing that has changed a lot since some of us have had kids is the crisis in ob/gyn and the increasing mortality rate of women giving birth in hospitals. It’s a crisis. It’s difficult to find providers. Once you have a provider, you may get precious little of their attention due to patient load. A lot of the safety in birth comes down to observation and good clinical practice. Just paying attention well. Right now women and babies are dying in advanced L&D units from things that are very simple to treat like postpartum hemorrhaging. A lot of women have had highly negative experiences already with their gyn care, so homebirth with a midwife who is really paying attention often feels like the best choice. Whether we understand it on an emotional level or not, homebirth midwives are winning in terms of safety, mortality and other outcomes. Statistics don’t lie. Sometimes the reasons for choosing homebirth are more complicated. History of sexual assault can make some women leery of hospital settings. Sometimes women who are in recovery fear the meds they think would be pushed on them and they would relapse. I have heard from midwife friends that the crisis is pushing some women who really are not good candidates emotionally for homebirth - it’s just not really the right fit. And that can be a problem. But I don’t blame them. Ob/gyn care is critically underresourced right now.
^I really think you’re overstating the case. Even if my daughter had no complicating issues, I would insist that she deliver in a hospital setting. I have a hard time with people who say they won’t fly with their spouse on the same airplane, but are fine with risks involved with activities such as home births. It’s not logical.
I’m not overstating anything. The stats are clear. And our maternal and infant mortality rate in the US is not good compared to other developed countries and getting worse. It’s just what it is.
Lack of prenatal and postnatal care is to blame, not hospital birthing, for the higher maternal and infant mortality. If one thinks these sad statistics can be reduced by having all births outside of hospital settings… it is a wishful thinking.
And speaking of the new mothers… our public health is very much infant-focused. The mothers fall off the public health radar as soon as the baby is out.
Chinese take very good care of the mother the first 30 days. My mother made me a lot of steamed chicken with rice wine and various herb drinks the first month. When I went back for my first check up, my doctor was very surprised how high my iron was. My mom wouldn’t let me leave the house the first few weeks. She told me after birth a woman’s body had to be taken care of to avoid migraine and arthritis later on in life. Many Chinese hire a nurse for the baby the first month so the mother could get some rest.
@oldfort, a recent episode of “Fresh Off the Boat” focused on the type of experience you describe. One of the main characters (played by Constance Wu, also in “Crazy Rich Asians”) provides this postpartum care to her friend and neighbor.
But people do. I know nothing about the statistics regarding the safety of home births, but it’s very common for statistics to be manipulated, confounding variables ignored, data that doesn’t advance the hypothesis not reported, things taken out of context, etc., to advance a certain agenda. So that assertion has never been a very powerful argument to me.
@BunsenBurner totally agree but a midwife at home is with you a lot more of the time - that’s how my daughter’s life was saved. The midwife spent over an hour with me at the postpartum visit. My daughter looked completely OK but after we got to the ER she was barely breathing. I had just seen the doctor who missed everything. I don’t blame the doctor - it’s the system. They might get you out alive but it’s with a lot of things that put you at risk first. In some ways, we all pick our poison.
@rosered55 I love that show and especially Constance Wu in it.