I had my baby in a hospital, induced. It hurt much more than I thought it would, especially the pushing which took two hours. I didn’t have pain meds and am glad I didn’t. I’m also glad women have choices in childbirth.
After having my baby, my reaction was, OMG, women have been doing this for forever and it hurts so much. My childbirth classes were good, but they de-emphasized the fact that IT HURTS A LOT. It’s not “discomfort”. It’s pain. That hurts. And you can’t stop and take a breather: it just keeps coming.
I just wanted to point out that there are things in between no meds whatsoever and a full-on epidural. I was not opposed to pain meds, but I didn’t want to jump for them with the initial contraction. By the time I got to the hospital, I was pretty far dilated and the contractions weren’t too bad (that’s a relative term!) so the OB nurses said if I’d made it this far so easily they thought I’d not need meds.
A little closer to delivery however, I could not take the pain. They said the baby was almost ready to come out (“less than half hour!” which sounded like an eternity). I inferred it was kind of late to start an epidural, but they offered me an IV of Stadol which was fabulous. It just took the edge off and I was completely awake and able to move everything once the baby was born.
I guess that counts as not a “natural” birth but it was the way to go for me. Same thing with the next one.
I hope the OP is comfortable with whatever is decided. I know for me personally, the anxiety of worrying about possibly needing to get to a hospital would outweigh any pleasure at having the baby in a home setting. But that is just my default neurotic personality.
I had “natural” childbirth in the hospital 3 times. I had one home birth, which I wrote about earlier in this thread. It was a great and memorable experience. After that I had 4 induced labors with epidural. If anyone ever asks my advice on childbirth, I give them one word: Epidural. It’s God’s gift to mothers. I say that as a former home-birth enthusiast.
My first labor was horribly painful and long. My 2nd was much shorter, much less painful. Nothing was ever as bad as that first labor/delivery. If someone wanted to try home birth, I wouldn’t recommend it for a first baby. The mom has no way of knowing what she’s getting into. But people can do what they want.
“The mom has no way of knowing what she’s getting into.”
It absolutely does not have to be as scary sounding as that. Four births, none with any pain medication, one of which was outside of the hospital setting and outside of the home (hubby delivered), one of which was in the hospital with no one attending but my husband (he delivered).
Between those hubby-deliveries I learned techniques for focusing and refocusing, so the crux of the contraction is not seized upon as a terrible thing, but reimagined as a heightened, desirable experience which one is having to the max, so to speak. Made all the difference in the world, and works for some.
Women, even those in great physical shape and great health, who stretch and walk, may find the first birth experience a mighty shock, yes. But delivery can go quite smoothly. For some, quickly.
Even having done it once, the next experience - much like that next child - can simply be markedly different than the prior.
Each woman is part of a continuum. We can support each other through these experiences, and offer to guide and lend a hand and ear.
Transport to the hospital is no piece of cake in an emergency. An ambulance ride can be bumpy and uncomfortable if you are already in pain (didn’t have one in labor, but the one I took while suffering from kidney stones 30 years ago is still etched in my brain). Saying the hospital is a few minutes away — how is the pregnant mom in the throes of a difficult labor or the new baby with a medical crisis going to actually get there?
Regarding labor pain, I remember it feeling like an organ was being ripped from inside me (and it was, I guess, the placenta), Did one with drugs and one without (delivery was too quick for them to administer them for D2). I assume a midwife can’t administer an epidural if the mom decides partway through that she wants one after all. I had no idea that it would hurt that much before my first delivery.
I agree that a lot of birthing centers have come a long way in recent years. If one of my Ds expressed interest in a home birth, I’d probably encouraged a hospital at least for kid #1.
The position of the baby makes a lot of difference in determining how labor progresses and the quality of the pain involved. Labor progresses slowly with a sunny-side-up baby’s skull grinding along spinal nerves. The pain is exquisite, like being stabbed in the lower back with a red-hot poker every few minutes for days. Medical staff grows impatient with the pace of progress, and they wheel out the Pitocin, with or without consent. What comes next takes that red-hot poker experience to a whole new level. Given a choice between removing unauthorized Pitocin or administering an epidural, medical staff chose to go with the epidural option. I had been down this road once before. Demerol laughed. A C-Section felt good in comparison, and I might have done it myself given the opportunity. If only I could have breathed and moved. There is a level of pain that exists beyond the ability to scream.
I would never agree to my kiddos having their kids born in my house - call me selfish, but if something goes wrong, I would not want to lose my sanctuary in addition to losing a loved one. I would not be able to stay in the home where a tragedy occurred.
And water birth… just say NO. Humans are not aquatic animals. Pus, there are dangers lurking in water that is deemed OK for human consumption and bathing. A local woman died of brain-eating amoeba that she apparently got from tap water that she uses to flush her nasal cavity. Chlorination does not kill everything.
The thing that gave me pause was your mention of a “personal tragedy” and a “health crisis” your daughter experienced.
If either one of those could possibly have an impact on the birth, that makes a big difference. For example, if you had a stillbirth or lost a baby peri-partum, that would need to be discussed with the OBGYN. As would uterine hemorrhage or rupture or any structural complication. Why? Because this is YOUR daughter, and something that may seem to you like a personal tragedy could actually be a heritable issue.
Also, your daughters health crisis. Maybe it is not at all relevant, but maybe it is. I had brain surgery at 23, and my doctors weren’t sure if I could even push when I had my first at 34, because of the aneurysm clips. It ended up being fine, but we did have to consult with the neurosurgeon first. That sort of thing would put your mind a little more at ease, I would think.
Of course — the best laid plans can be derailed by timing. My first baby arrived 6 weeks early when my H was out of town on a camping trip. I took a cab to the hospital and called some close friends to come be with me for the delivery. So unless your D moves in with you some time ahead of her due date, there is no guarantee anyway that the timing will work out (unless they live very close to you - and even then, D2 arrived 45 minutes after my labor started — so that can happen, too).
Re: #88–Agree that position of baby makes a difference. My 2nd was 5 hour labor, natural, but in hospital. I thought, “I could’ve done that at home.” Did home birth with 3rd kid. Ended up with a 13 hr. “back labor.” Not as easy as I thought it would be, but still a memorable experience.
Worst pains: First L&D. 19 hours. Can’t remember the last 5. Didn’t even want to look at that baby right after the delivery.
Ulcer at end of 5th pregnancy. About to pass out from unbearable pain. Thought I was dying.
Then there was that manual removal of pieces of placenta after my 7th kid. About 10 hrs after delivery, I woke up at night in a pond of blood, blood dripping on floor. They gave me a washcloth to bite on. Two nurses held my hands down while the LD nurse pulled out pieces of placenta–I remember them saying “one more time” about 3 times. (Made me think of Civil War soldiers who were given a couple shots of whiskey and a bullet to bite on for surgey. It was kinda like that. Except without the whiskey.) The next day, the doctor made a joke about me being Casper the Friendly Ghost. Not funny.
Yikes, I would hate to be reading this thread if I were pregnant with my first child. Or if I were merely thinking about having a child, this might make me reconsider!
Personally, I had no pain for my first birth. I think because it went very slow. It felt weird in the end with pushing! But I would not have called it “pain”. My last birth was more actual pain, like period pain but more intense. But that birth was fast so it didn’t last long.
The thing that helped the most was being in water. It focused everything on the actual contraction. I felt nothing in between so I got a break. On land, that wasn’t the case - I was uncomfortable the whole time.
I do think I got lucky and it’s not anything I particularly did to deserve easy births. If you have a baby who’s sunnyside up or just even a little bit in the wrong position, it can get really awful really fast. That was my take away from birth. There is just very little you can control. I was very happy to be in the water and at home, though.
Older d’s friend just opted for a home birth with first child and wanted everything to be all natural, no medical interventions, just her, her partner and doula, not even sure she saw an ob-gyn until midway through her pregnancy. She had to be hospitalized 2x during pregnancy when she developed complications and was on bed rest and still planned home birth in the very remote area of CA she lives in. She was a week overdue with plans to be admitted to hospital to be induced the following Monday. She did go into labor a few days before that and the labor did not progress as she had hoped for and planned for and as we all know from our own birth experiences, every labor and delivery is different. After her blood pressure spiked she had to be transported to hospital and ultimately delivered after difficult prolonged labor. I was surprised that she did not have a section at that point. In the end, the baby had ingested a good deal of meconium and the local hospital planned to airlift her by helicopter to San Francisco but in the end felt they could treat her. The baby was in the NICU for close to 2 weeks but thankfully she was ultimately released and allowed home. D’s friend had been calling another of their friend who is a nurse for advice all along and d’s friend who had given birth a few kept telling her that to remember the most important thing is a healthy newborn and a safe delivery. That is what is essential to remember, you want the best outcome and I was somewhat surprised she was so insistent on a home birth in the very rural area she lives in but I think she felt pressured by those around her to do so.
