Planned home births sometimes end up as hospital births. Planned home births sometimes end up as C-section hospital births. This is fine; a normal expected part of a midwife’s practice includes women who have complications that necessitate changing the birth plan to a hospital birth plan (this happened to me), and also transporting women in labor to the hospital if more medical help is needed.
If you have a low-risk pregnancy and you are considering home birth, you have to consider the risk of giving birth at home versus the risk of giving birth in the hospital. Both choices have risks. My friend who had the baby with cerebral palsy would have been better off with a midwife at home than the bumblers she had in the hospital. My sister-in-law who had a C-section on Christmas would have been better off at home, where her birth attendants wouldn’t have been in such a hurry; as a result of that unnecessary C-section she became a midwife herself. Most obstetric emergencies in low risk births can be handled safely by home birth midwives.
I think it was a coincidence, but at 2:00 am last night, the Midwives came on TV. Clearly, an early season. Fun to watch. Those midwives knew how to turn a baby, all the while, helping the woman stand and deliver by a telephone booth. Trixie got blood on her best dress. I was high risk, so I chose a hospital birthing center. I can’t say what i would do under different circumstances. (Probably the same).
I think if it were my daughter, I’d have a very frank talk about the pain thing.
I was very happy, after the fact, to have had options for pain management for my #1’s birth. Somehow I had been conditioned to think that anything other than a full “natural” childbirth was a failure on my part, and that all of those breathing techniques I learned in the birthing classes were actually going to work. Plus I was given a lot of scare stories about various risks with each options… so bought into the whole idea that I was somehow a bad mom if I even thought about allowing evil drugs to enter my newborn’s bloodstream.
The main lesson I learned from a prolonged & painful labor during the first pregnancy was to opt for pain meds earlier in the process for #2 – which was a much nicer and easier experience in a very nice, large private LDR birthing room with hardly any interference from hospital staff. Second delivery was much easier and less traumatic for me and for the baby. It was one injection for me, early in the labor process.
I think there’s a tendency to try to minimize talking about the pain part with moms-to-be, as obviously the first timers have enough to worry about without hearing scary pain stories. But honestly, I never imagined quite how painful things could get until I went through the first labor. There is no way I would have been prepared for that part if I had been giving birth somewhere where the pain meds were not an option.
But whatever the decision, that is part of the planning process. What will the options be? I can’t imagine that midwives are entirely without options - but they are different than the hospital options. You really can’t predict how the labor will progress or how painful (or not) it might be for an individual mom.
Not a bad idea to talk frankly about pain in labor. It hurts. A lot. Shouldn’t be ignored or sugar coated.
But it’s also a good idea to talk frankly about the risks of pain meds and also how they can make you feel for hours or days after delivery. I tend to make choices to get the worst over with first, especially so I can enjoy the good parts later with no issues. Although labor hurt worse than anything I’d been through before, the second after the baby popped out, I was fine, perky and ready to walk out of there. No problem holding the baby, nursing, cleaning up, just a little tired. It was a relief after seeing so many of my friends dazed and out of it, not able to really hold the baby or walk to the bathroom, or the two that ended up with horrific migraines from poorly placed epidurals. I was glad to have chosen dealing with a few hours of really bad pain but then being fully alert, capable and happily enjoying my baby.
Everybody is different, so it’s good to give people as much info as possible so they can choose for themselves what works for them.
I do think people experience pain differently, but my experience was much like milee30’s. Labor was painful, but not unbearable. I also think some natural childbirth classes do better than others.
I managed to have my first two babies with no pain medication, so I was pretty proud of myself, ha. Then the third delivery came - WHOA! I was begging for relief. So pain can differ even for the same person!
Well, my point was that the baby didn’t “pop out” – it was a difficult birth, long labor, and I had tried to hold out on the meds and that didn’t work out. Other people can make different choices, but I was very happy the 2nd time around to opt for meds early on, the main effect of which was to make me feel very happy. So an altogether very positive birth experience-- yes, mommy was a little bit high (opiates do that; I had demerol) - but certainly aware and attentive.
But my point is that I was in a place where I had options — and the first time around I had thought that all would be easy and comfy in the hospital’s birthing center, but my labor didn’t go as anticipated. So that is something to consider.
And it isn’t just a matter of “experiencing pain differently” – I think comments like that just feeds into the idea that women who opt for pain meds are just wimps, because they can’t tough it out. The birthing process is not a competition and it shouldn’t be viewed as a time for the new mom to prove herself worthy in some way.
So fine for someone to make the decision that they don’t want the meds — but to also decide to give birth in a setting where the meds won’t be available at all should be an informed and conscious decision.
@Massmomm Yes she was an incredible woman. At the time I didn’t realize what a big deal it was, and now I wish I had asked her more about her life. I’m thankful for the memories as she would also take me fishing with the old school cane poles. She also was the one who allowed me to drive at age 12 as pretty much every kid in this small town drove and the sheriffs pretty much looked the other way. By the time I was ready to get my license at age 16, I was a pro, I really miss her.
Remember that a midwife will not agree to help a woman with a home birth if she is high risk. So yes, it’s good to know you can get to a hospital quickly if needed and it’s good to talk about pain. But if there is anything in the health picture that suggests a good likelihood of a problem, a hospital birth (perhaps in a birthing room with a midwife) will become the only option. I say this as someone who was told home birth was not an option. …
I don’t think there’s anything heroic about not using pain control. That wasn’t what I meant by my “I’m a wimp” comment. I simply meant that I am a wimp. No shame in that. I just hate medical pain. I don’t mind athletic pain, oddly enough, but when it comes to labor, dental work, headaches, sore throat, nope, not having it. Gimme the drugs, please. I don’t want to embrace the suffering as some women do. I just want to minimize it. Again, no right or wrong here.
Oh, and her dad did a pretty good job of explaining the pain to our daughter. My labor was too quick for pain control with my second child, and I screamed my head off. He felt really helpless. You really can’t know how awful it is until you experience it, that’s for sure.
I also think hospital settings have changed drastically since the 80s with birthing rooms and less interruptions. The difference between my first and last were dramatic…with my first I labored in a regular hospital room then onto a cart to a delivery room. The birthing rooms at the same hospital with 2 and 3 were more like bed/living rooms. I really do think in today’s world it can be an educated personal choice and with some hospitals with staff midwives it can be the best of both worlds.
I agree with a poster upthread who said not to ignore your own feelings in this OP.
My first born died (in a hospital with a great NICU) and while I actual love the idea of home birth, there isn’t a chance I could emotionally have my daughter deliver in my house. Frankly I don’t even want to be present for a delivery anywhere because I know myself well enough that I couldn’t be calm enough to be what my dd would need. I’ll happily pace and pray outside.
As the mother of the woman giving birth in this scenario, my only concern is the statement “in a low risk pregnancy…”
My first pregnancy was very low risk-until it no longer was. And then it was necessary to get into surgery quickly. I did have one of those spectacular birthing rooms in the hospital, with the CD playing soft music, etc. I recovered there after surgery. It didn’t feel sterile to me at all. I did have to soothe my disappointment about the c-section with the knowledge that a healthy baby took priority over my anticipated birth experience, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it stung for awhile.
As long as there is quick access to emergency care if needed, I think I would try not to worry too much. Home births in a rural setting with no quick access to emergency care would be beyond my ability to handle graciously. I’d be a wreck.
Props to you, OP. I couldn’t do it with my daughter. Actually, come to think of it, I’m “lucky” in that no midwife would agree to a home birth once she learned of D’s bleeding disorder.
“dad did a pretty good job of explaining the pain to our daughter. My labor was too quick for pain control with my second child, and I screamed my head off. He felt really helpless. You really can’t know how awful it is until you experience it, that’s for sure.”
Sounds like a good meme to describe what ‘mansplaining’ is. You can’t possibly understand it until you experience it - unless, of course you are a man. And then you not only understand this thing you have never experienced it but will feel free to describe it as if you are an expert.
Or… “mansplaining is the fine art of describing just how horrible it was to have to be subjected to listening to the expression of pain of others.”
The OB who delivered my babies was a woman who had just had her first baby a few months before my first was due. When I told her I wanted to avoid an epidural or opiates, she got a look on her face that was a cross between nausea and horror and softly said, “um, you know this is gonna hurt, right? Like… A LOT.” I loved her partly because she had recently gone through the same thing and had on point advice both from a medical and human perspective.
I chose to give birth to my first child in a birthing center of a hospital that was staffed with both midwives and doctors. I had a birth plan (my goal was to use midwives and avoid meds) but I was assured that I could change it at any time.
I didn’t “experience pain differently” during childbirth, I experienced a different type of pain. They aren’t the same thing. My baby was backward and nothing the midwives suggested moved him. I endured more than a day of wave after wave of excruciating back pain as my son slowly ratcheted himself down my spine. I was physically ill so many times I lost count, I was alternately freezing cold and nauseatingly warm, and the stress on my body was so great that I wasn’t progressing much. After hours and hours of this cycle I was exhausted and worried for my baby so I requested an epidural. It was supposed to be easy to change plans midstream, but it didn’t happen that way.
The midwives were so invested in natural childbirth that when I changed my mind they pushed back. Their attitude made me feel like a failure. I learned later that they wanted to prove to the doctors that natural childbirth was more popular in our region than medically assisted births so they delayed relaying my request for pain medication on purpose because they thought they could change my mind. The midwives who were supposed to support my power in the process took mine away. It was horrible. People who haven’t experienced that type of childbirth can’t possibly know what it’s like. When I finally got the epidural I was able to rest for a little while. It didn’t knock me out or make me disoriented, and I had no problem holding or nursing my baby.
I had our 2nd child in a hospital birth center with an ob-gyn who did what I wanted. I was in control throughout and it was an entirely different experience.
I wouldn’t let my daughter give birth in my home. Because we were in a hospital setting my family was able to find someone to help me, but if we’d been at home it would have just been us and the midwife. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that situation.
It took 12+ hours for me to be fully dilated and I tried to push for 3 hours, but the baby wouldn’t come out. I ended up having C-section. My recovery was so easy that I opted to have another C-section. I had epidural both times and I was awake the whole time.
i know we all have our thoughts about it; there’s no right or wrong. I hope it turns out really really good for your daughter.
for me, i’ve had kids with epidurals, and without. Give me MEDS ANY DAY over natural! And, we’ve had a child loss in our family (my niece). She made it to age 2.5; had she not been whisked to NICU right after birth, she would not have survived that long. So, of course, I’m very pro hospital births. But - that’s just me and was a random happening against the chances. OP, i just encourage you to encourage your daughter to have back up plans for everything; and my guess it’ll all be good from there.
