Hostess Gift for DS's Overnight Stay...

Parent Cafe
1

DS (along with another young man) is staying overnight with family friends of his girlfriend while attending a function in their city. GF arranged for them to stay with these people. He has never met them and asked me about a hostess gift. I told him I would send flowers on his behalf. This is an older (probably in their 60’s) couple. For me, flowers are a nice universal gift.

My questions: Do you ‘approve’ of sending them flowers? (I’m thinking a spring bouquet is appropriate.) If so, should they be delivered the day of their arrival or after they’ve gone? I seem to remember my mother saying it was nice to send flowers prior to arrival, but not sure how I feel about that. Also, how do I sign the card? Both young men’s names? Just my son’s name since he is the ‘connection’ to the host couple? I’m inclined to sign both of their names…Understandably, I will stay out of it after I order the flowers and pay the bill as DS has no money :slight_smile: .

2

Sign both names and say thanks you.

I would send it to arrive the day the boys get there.

3

I’d sign both names to the card. Delivery on the day the boys arrive is fine–that’s what my mom would have done…!

4

How nice! I agree to sign both names and have it arrive the day (or one day before) the boys arrive.

I am not sure I am liking that 60s is older. :-?

5

What is the origin of all this ‘gifting’ activity? Everyone I know hosts people all the time without gifts being asked/offered.

6

It’s a nice gesture, JustOneDad. Certainly YOU don’t have to do to something like this if you stay with others.

7

How about just a genuine thank you? Pickup the table. Wash the dishes. Clean the fish…

Utilizing the consumer sector to say thank you sorta makes me ill. Now if you had a small jar of gooseberry jam that you put up yourself…

8

I was gonna say to watch those comments about older meaning in their 60s!
Another idea is sending a fruit basket or those fresh cut fruit arrangements that look like flowers (edible something) and have them arrive the day the boys do.

9

I expect my kids to pitch in when they stay with friends…just like friends and relatives do when they come here. But a hostess gift is a nice gesture.

If it makes you ill that someone wants to do something nice, that is just plain odd.

10

I kind of agree with JOD. We have hosted numerous people at my house (both my partner and I and my parents when I was younger). Friends and strangers alike. Just a good guest is all we ask and it would be super strange to get a gift- especially just for a few nights.

Of course, anyone is welcome to do it but I honestly hadn’t encountered this tradition until CC.

11

Well, actually, I specifically mentioned use of the consumer sector. If they want to help weed the garden or clean the dock with me that’s another thing…

12

A guest in my house is a GUEST. I would never ask or allow them to do manual labor. If they offer to help with dinner or clean up the dishes, thats ok. Weed the garden-- um, no.

13

And why can’t they do both? Help out AND give a hostess gift. The hostess gift is also from the parent…grateful that this couple is hosting the kids.

I didn’t see where she said “my kid and a friend are going to freeload and do nothing…so instead of them helping out, I’ll send flowers.”

Give it a break.

14

We’ve had various things done for us to show appreciation for our hospitality. I don’t ever expect it, but when it happens, it’s nice. Probably the most popular is to have flowers delivered, but usually that doesn’t happen until after our guests have left.

Or sometimes the guests will offer to treat us to dinner out.

Again, a very kind gesture if someone wants to do that. I don’t think any of us are saying someone is a bad guest if they don’t offer something, but it is nice when it happens.

Now the question is, what do I do with all these florists vases I have?

15

Where is all this gratuitous gifting going on? In our world, we host because we enjoy it and a gift is, frankly, a little weird.

16

Take the florists vases to the landfill.

17

I donated them to good will, teriwtt.

18

What’s wrong with manual labor? Most homes run on it.

Note that I said “If they want…”.

Presumably, you are going to allow a guest to feel at home and help do the work with you, if that’s their desire.

19

I always bring a gift if I am an overnight guest in someones home. Always. And if I am invited to dinner I bring a bottle of wine. Showing appreciation is nice. But no, I am not bringing gardening gloves and expecting to be put to work.

20

I have gardening gloves. You aren’t expected to bring them.

Wine isn’t a gift so much as it is …a thing… meant to be enjoyed mutually. :wink: