As I said, if they offer to help with the dishes or ask if there is something they can do to help set the table (if its not done) thats one thing. But to see an overnight guest as free labor to do my yardwork, um, no.
You think bringing a gift is weird but putting them to work on your dock is normal?? We live in different worlds.
I’m just trying to help you understand that the gifting thing isn’t quite as wonderful with everyone as you seem to think it is.
And we are trying to help you understand that putting them to work gutting fish is beyond odd.
Now if I had a boat and invited friends to join us, accepting their offer to help tie it up or otherwise do what needs to be done when you are back ashore is fine as their offer to help, thats common courtesy. But putting them to work and using them as free labor for what may be yardwork or home repair… is beyond peculiar. Am guessing not too many guests would return for a second invitation after that experience.
JustOneDad. No one is saying YOU need to being a gift to others. So don’t.
But frankly, I think your comments to others who think this is a nice gesture border rude.
You may be disappointed to hear that not everyone likes getting that kind of a gift, but there is nothing rude in my telling you that’s how some people feel.
Actually, it would be more like me taking my time to show them how to do it and then having them help with the chores.
You seem to want to pretend like I said I would be “putting them to work”, when what I said, quite clearly, was that I would allow them to help if they wished.
You sneered at “consumerism” and find it hard to believe if you had guests over you’d be out in the yard weeding the garden. And bringing a gift is wonderfully kind and appreciated. Not understanding why bringing or sending a thank you gift is seen otherwise. Don’t really care.
BTW I was a guest at a dinner party last week. Brought a special bottle of wine that had special meaning for the hostess. That bottle was not opened that evening. I hope she enjoys it at her leisure. I would have enjoyed sharing it but there were other bottles opened- not that one.
I can’t wait. I always want to open the new bottle first.
BTW - Dinner comes from the garden, so weeding it is pretty much always happening.
We would Never think to show up to a dinner invite empty handed (wine, flowers, candy)…and cannot imagine someone hosting us overnight and not showing appreciation with a gift. And of course, we volunteer to help with dinner, clean up after ourselves, etc. Socially accepted behavior in our world.
But I can say that we’ve never been asked to don gloves and put manual labor time in. Sheesh, let me know in advance and I’ll book a hotel – or stay home and do my own manual labor.
OP, I think flowers are a lovely gesture…and I think your S & friend will also appreciate your efforts. My S was invited to a friend’s family beach house for break a few years ago. I insisted he take a hostess gift. He grumbled.
But was very glad he had it when two other friends showed up with gifts. It had just never occurred to him before…
Sounds like you might be too busy weeding your garden, justonedad.
Enough.
To the OP- Send a nice small but appreciated thank you gift. They will appreciate your thoughtfulness.
That’s why I keep asking where this gifting culture is rooted.
Obviously not rooted in your garden, JOD.
^LOL!
I am so confused. I totally missed the gardening comment somewhere along the line.
Asking a guest to garden is just plain weird IMO. That would be the last time I’d ever be a guest for someone (and the last time they’d ask since I’d probably somehow kill their precious green babies.)
The one time I brought a host gift was for my host family down in Costa Rica. It was a jar of cherry jelly (they said bring something that reminds you of home). It exploded all over my bag and I spent my first hour with my host family getting jelly out of everything.
Maybe that just scarred me for life 
See post # 10, romani
We were taught to not show up at people’s house empty handed. Since JustOneDad is judgmental on people who bring gifts, I think it is rude to not bring anything.
I don’t think it is any particular culture that gave gifts, people in general share and exchange gifts. It maybe a pie I’ve baked and jelly you made. When we love someone, we often give gifts to show how we feel about them, and of course physical touching and caring. It takes effort to pick up the right gift for someone. It is more than just swiping a credit card.
It’s not gratuitous gifting, JOD. Most of us appear to have been raised appropriately - that a gift of some sort is appropriate when being hosted for an overnight stay. Whether that gift is flowers, candy, or your homemade banana bread is besides the point.
And no, I don’t wish to gut the fish or weed your garden. If that’s the price of entry, forget it.
LOL, gut the fish.
Some people really enjoy flowers. To show up with flowers is, therefore, meaningful to them.