<p>As many of us know our financial help to our kids may not end at college graduation. Many college grads have trouble finding employment and have returned home to live adding financial burden to the parents. Some have moved to another city to have a better chance of finding employment and the parents are footing the bill until they are financially independent and this can take several years.</p>
<p>Among my friends, quite a few have been helping their kids from paying the premium on their health insurance to putting up a down payment for a house. I am surprised to find many have continued financial support to their kids who are in their 30’s and even 40’s.</p>
<p>How are you helping out your kids who are over 22?</p>
<p>My parents kept me on their health insurance last year- although now that I am turning 23 I will be on my own. They also helped out with moving expenses (security deposit, some furniture, etc) and still pay for me to come home. I am also still on the family cell phone plan. They paid for me to have my wisdom teeth out this summer (mostly not covered by insurance) My parents are in a pretty good financial situation so it’s not too difficult on them to help me out a bit, and they make far more than I do so its not a hardship. If I was making a real salary instead of a stipend from graduate school then I might not take all of the help</p>
<p>Individual health insurance until they got it through their jobs. Car insurance too, with no end in sight. Bought them each a new car when they graduated. Paid for lots of medical expenses for one kid. Many, many air tickets for the other one who lives far away. Gave them help with rent for awhile until they could afford it. Quite a lot now that I think about it. It just seems so much harder to get started now than it did in my day.</p>
<p>My son is finishing his master’s degree this semester while working full-time. Before he found a full-time job in July, we were paying for his medical insurance (no additional cost to us since we were paying “family” rates through work), medical co-pays, car insurance, car repairs to keep his 12 year old car running, and cell phone plan. We also paid for the occasional new clothes for him. I couldn’t complain much because he got scholarships to cover his entire college cost, and he was paying his day to day living expenses.</p>
<p>Now that he has a full-time job, all of his expenses, with the exception of the cell phone are his. He’s on our family plan and the monthly cost is $10, so I’m not worried about this.</p>
<p>Getting a job in this market is indeed difficult. I do think times are very different than they were when I graduated. Then again, I think expectations are very different as well. When I first graduated, I had no health insurance and I did not expect to live at the same standard as my parents. I know that having no health insurance is vastly different today, but I do think most of the young adults today expect to live a higher standard than I had when I first started in my career.</p>
<p>D is in grad school after working three years. Since she was saving for grad school we allowed her to live at home rent-free between college and grad school. She is fortunate to have been given full funding and has a small (10 hours/week) grad assistantship but her stipend is very modest. </p>
<p>We are paying her portion of her medical insurance (the 20% she has to contribute; her school pays 80%) and her cell phone (family plan) and internet bill. We also said we would cover her dental check-ups, as she does not have dental coverage. </p>
<p>On occasion I give her a gift certificate to a restaurant in her area so she can eat out as a special treat. </p>
<p>H and I also helped her move into her new apartment (lots of free labor) and, because we did not want her taking all the furniture from her room at home (which I wanted to use as a guest room) offered to split the cost of some furniture she bought second hand (yard sales and consignment shops) for her grad school apartment. I gave her my old set of dishes and extra kitchen stuff. D has a lovely apartment she shares with a roommate. Neither of them even owns a TV. They see movies on their computers.</p>
<p>I do feel it is hard for kids starting out in this economy, but have also witnessed, for years, kids in our area who expect to **start out **with a very nice lifestyle. They do not seem willing to put in the years of living very simply in modest accommodations as many of their parents did. They take for granted things I consider luxuries, such as cable TV. It would not occur to them to live with less than they were used to in their parents’ homes. I have an issue with the “entitlement” generation.</p>
<p>For DS’s first year out of college, he worked a part-time job with no benefits. We paid for his COBRA coverage. (Otherwise, we would have paid all the hospital bills if/when he was hit by that truck with his name on it!!) We also gave him generous gifts of money upon college graduation and for birthday and Christmas. And he’s on our cell phone family plan. However, all of his rent, day-to-day expenses, gym membership, etc. were on him. </p>
<p>After one year, he got an excellent job in his field, and now we don’t contribute anything. Oh – except the cell phone. But we’re very proud and happy that he’s off the family payroll.</p>
<p>Allow them to live here for a modest rent while they saved. Treat them like a housemate: expected chores, do own laundry, pay own bills.
One stayed on the family cell plan for my work related discount (but paid their portion).
We did cover transitional health insurance till work insurance plans started (2-3 months each). The one who traveled a lot for work was allowed to use our family vehicles/car insurance when home.</p>
<p>If your parents are supporting you after college something is wrong. I value my independence very highly and I already feel like a burden for having my parents spent so much money on school and college. No, I wouldn’t ask for a cent after college.</p>
<p>We have a S recently graduated from college (no job yet) and a D in grad school.
For both we are paying all health insurance (they’re no longer covered on our plan and we had to buy private insurance for them) and all uncovered medical costs, dental expenses, cell phone, car insurance. S moved back to live with us and we are not charging him rent (yet). We provide D a small monthly “stipend” but the bulk of her living expenses/tuition is via massive student loans in her own name. She is earning a professional degree that is not “funded” by the university.</p>
<p>We truly look forward to the day that they both have a job and can cover these costs themselves. For D, once she graduates, we are confident she will be able to take over all of her costs. S, who’s prospects aren’t as bright, it may be awhile.</p>
<p>both kids have been told they can always come home and have a roof over their heads if need be. D in 5th year of humanities PhD is self supporting through fellowship.Bought her a gently used car years ago.Paid car insurance until her rates went down at 25, now she pays.gets her health insurance cheap through her grad School.Has her own cell phone plan. I’m generous with gifts. Pay her airfare to come home. just gave her a nice chunk of cash to expedite her living arrangements for a 3 month research fellowship she has for this Spring overseas where deposits were needed upfront to secure housing in an expensive country.She’ll get the $$ later from the Foundation.She feels really good about being mostly self sufficient at 26.
S will graduate this spring. We’ll pay his health insurance if needed.He also has a gently used car we bought.His plans are up in the air but hes welcome home if needed…at least for awhile.
I have a friend with 26 yr old twin boys. One is entirely self sufficient living in NYC,the other is ensconced in his childhood bedroom still finding himself.He got into major financial difficulty after college (think car repossesions,etc) Now he’s talking about grad school for teaching certificate…more student loans…
The issue is…when do you cut off?</p>
<p>My husband and I were 36 when my parents helped us with a down payment for our first house,but we had been self sufficient since 22.</p>
<p>Our grad school daughter is married and pretty self-sufficient, but we are generous in helping where we can. We treat to meals out, contribute if a big expense comes up (brake job on old car), concert tickets etc. Son in law is a doc (2nd year resident) with small income and student loans to repay. They are both very financially responsible, but we like to help when we can.<br>
We’ll see how WildChild does starting May when he graduates. It is going to be like getting a huge raise for me to have him out of college, no matter WHAT financial support we give him. His job prospects right now seem pretty good, miraculously. We’ll see…</p>
My parents are wealthy but once I graduated from college, they allowed me to live at home until I got out but gave me no financial help otherwise. No car, no allowance, no health insurance. Certainly no help with rent or living expenses. Our first apartment was a tiny one bedroom in a not so ritzy neighborhood. I drove a used car until we had been married at least 10 years. </p>
<p>I think parents these days don’t want to see their kids struggle so they help “until they get on their feet”. But I feel that in doing so, it allows the kids to make decisions that they otherwise wouldn’t. They look for that perfect job, instead of just looking to support themselves. They wait until they can afford a house like their parents before moving out, or expect the parents to provide one. They think they are entitled to live as their parents do not realizing how their parents lived when they were their age. I think kids feel that they are not doing well if they can’t have what their parents can afford. I don’t think we do the kids any favors when we let them believe that.</p>
<p>Puzzled, I’ve done most of the things you listed for my kids except for the medical expenses.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I totally agree.</p>
<p>My D recently relocated to NYC after business school and we are helping her with rent even she is making an excellent income. H and I want her to be in a safe area and we want to be able to stay with her while we visit. So, that means in Manhattan with a doorman, no sharing and a big living room. We are guilty of being enablers.</p>
<p>The thought of living on my own and having to fend for myself have total reign of myself and completely freedom excites and invigorates me. I honestly can not wait. I don’t know what’s wrong with kids these days.</p>
<p>Grad school D is still on the cell phone family plan (CHEAP) and we carry her car insurance as it is also cheap on our bundled policy. This will more than likely end next year. She got some generous fellowships for grad school which cover more than her tuition and she has been pretty good at finding odd gigs here and there to cover the balance of her living expenses. She also worked a very good full time position for six months before grad school commenced and was able to sock away some coin. Our financial position (H out of work for 2 yrs) does not allow us to be very generous or helpful . But I felt that our present to her upon undergrad graduation was pretty generous----No Student Debt.
post script–I am very proud of her financial independance.</p>
<p>I knew when I posted that some people would disagree. This subject really interests me because my own view about how and when to help my kids has evolved. The blanket statements I made before they graduated have given way to a more nuanced approach. cbreeze - you went to the heart of my situation when you focused on safety. The help we’ve given our Ds has allowed them to live in safer places, drive safer cars, get better medical and dental care, avoid no-name airlines, etc. They are both working full time, saving a bit, and living pretty frugally. And selfishly, I have bought myself some peace of mind. I tend to lie awake at night worrying, and I worry just a little bit less knowing that I’ve done what I can to protect them. </p>
<p>Funnily enough, just moments ago I was reading the Wall Street Journal and a pertinent phrase caught my eye. It was something about wealthy parents with modest lifestyles raising responsible kids. I am enormously grateful to be able to provide some support for my kids right now, something my own parents could not do. </p>
<p>Incidentally, I’m also trying to support my parents in small ways right now as they’re on tiny fixed incomes. Again, like with the kids, I’m so glad to be able to contribute and the small gifts that make no difference whatsoever to my life are a big help to them.</p>