How can I tell my parents I lied about my job?

Parents Forum
1

<p>I’m going into my sophomore year of college. Freshman year, fall and winter quarter I didn’t have a job, so my parents gave me money for anything I needed. (Not a set allowance, but they deposited money into my bank account every couple months or if I asked them to.)</p>

<p>Spring quarter, I had a part-time job and used my earnings for everything besides tuition and housing, which my parents paid for. </p>

<p>Summer quarter, I got an internship. The problem is, about two weeks into the summer, my depression/insomnia (which had been a problem for a while) got worse and I couldn’t work. I took leave from work for a few weeks, then went back part time. </p>

<p>My parents haven’t been understanding about depression in the past, so instead of telling them, I pretended I was still working. So, now they think I made $5000 over the summer, when I really made just over $1000. </p>

<p>I’m not planning to work next year. The idea was that I would make enough over the summer to last the whole year. I’m living in an apartment next year, so I’m responsible for food, too, which I didn’t have to pay for last year in the dorms. </p>

<p>I know that if my parents were aware of the situation, they would give me money, just like they did before I got a job. They wouldn’t ask me to get a part-time job since they believe that studying should be my first priority. (I took a reduced course load spring quarter so that I could work, but I need to take a full course load next year.)</p>

<p>How can I tell my parents that I actually didn’t make enough money over the summer to pay for food, textbooks, clothes etc. next year?</p>

<p>Should I just not tell them and try to make my savings stretch next year? Should I try to get another part-time job?</p>

2

<p>^^^You are honest with your parents and you tell them the truth. Perhaps you can just show them this post. I think any parent can read your anxiety and understand your dilemma. I would also have a plan (on hand) to deal with your depression which you can discuss with them. If you are not sure where to begin, make an appointment with your family physician and relate your problem. Again, be honest, don’t hide facts or feelings from your doctor. They are not there to judge you, but to help you. Work out a plan with your doctor and present that to your parents. Keep communicating with them. I am sure that they want to see you happy and healthy. Good Luck…</p>

3

<p>Thank you, robotbldmom!</p>

4

<p>I think it is too much anxiety to live with a lie like that. You will have to come clean. Trying to get by for the year doesn’t sound possible without a job. Usually working 10-15 hours a week isn’t too much strain if you can land something, though. You might offer to do that if your parents will be put out about the money. If they want to pay your expenses another year so you can concentrate on schoolwork, fine. </p>

<p>I’m sorry they don’t understand depression because it is a serious issue. You need to take it into your hands to not go about with untreated depression. When issues interfere with life, like being unable to work, it is time to see a doctor. Do it now before you run into stressors like finals.</p>

<p>Your parents may take the depression seriously if you have a diagnosis. Your doctor can speak with them. Google ‘how to explain depression’ to pick something that you can print that might help you if you give it to them.</p>

5

<p>Thank you, BrownParent. </p>

<p>Getting by for the year might be feasible. I could get a dining plan again (my school has a dining plan designed for students who live in apartments) and I have about $1500 in my bank account right now. So, that would be $500 per quarter, and I think I could get by on that much.</p>

6

<p>Why don’t you think a bit about having this kind of relationship with your parents. Can’t you do better? Having to lie and cover up usually leads to more lies and other problems. Unless there are extenuating circumstances like your parents are really unreasonable or destructive people.</p>

7

<p>The problem with lying is that it increases your anxiety which may trigger further depression. In other words, not dealing with problems can end up making the problems bigger-- not just in you but in all of us. Do your parents have email? If you don’t know what to say to them, just copy and paste from your post and press send. It is easier to live with the truth than constantly be hiding a lie.</p>

8

<p>Curiousturtle: You are welcome. I can tell that you are sincerely upset and this will just put more stress on you if you try to hide the truth. Please see your doc as soon as possible or make an appointment at your college counseling center right away.</p>

<p>Believe me, as a parent, we want to see our children happy, safe and healthy.</p>

<p>Keep us posted as to your progress and again, good luck.</p>

9

<ol>
<li><p>Get your insomnia and depression issues under control…or this situation could repeat itself.</p></li>
<li><p>Even though you were not “planning” to work during school, it sounds like you might have to at this point.</p></li>
<li><p>Please be honest with your parents…not because you want their money, but because you really want their help tackling your insomnia and depression issues. And the truth will likely come out at some point anyway.</p></li>
</ol>

10

<p>I have been the parent in this situation and I assure you there is no choice worse, on many levels, than lying. Don’t lie. Don’t. Your mental health issues are telling you that’s a good idea and it isn’t. </p>

<p>You say something like " I need to talk to you about a problem I created for us all, and I am sorry to have made bad choices. I need your help ". Don’t make excuses. Don’t belabor the point. Let them talk. Remember, you’ve known all along, and they are just finding out. They will be scared, angry, confused, worried…all the things you are.</p>

<p>But it can be okay. Success isn’t permanent and failure is rarely fatal; it’s courage that counts (John Wooden, or George Patton, Attributed to both). Once you tell them, you can work together on a simple solution to the money issue, and a lasting solution to your depression and anxiety. You deserve to be happy, and telling the truth is the first step there. Hugs to you.</p>

11

<p>Tell them. Copying and pasting your post is a good way to do it if you have trouble talking to them in person.</p>

<p>When I came home from college after freshman year, I told my parents about my depression/anxiety, for which I had received some inadequate treatment at school. I was planning to work as an aide at the psychiatric hospital where my mother was a nurse that summer. Her reaction was to pitch a fit, accuse me of threatening to ruin her professional situation, and write me a check that was supposed to cover my earnings so that I wouldn’t work there. I didn’t accept the check, I worked there, and it went pretty well, but I also never got treatment for my depression/anxiety issues, which continue to dog me and hold me back until this very day.</p>

<p>Please do not let this happen to you. Get help NOW, and stick with it, even if your parents are not supportive in their reaction. I would guess, though, that if you send them your post and give them time to digest it, they will react more constructively than mine did.</p>

12

<p>OP, many cases of depression are biological, caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain. If you had diabetes, would your parents say you shouldn’t get medicine or insulin to treat it? Well, the same goes for depression. It is an illness that needs to be treated, and if you allow yourself to do so, you will probably feel so much better! You are an adult now, and don’t need your parents’ permission to get the medical care you need. See your doc, or one on campus, please. Many depression meds are generic, and some are $4 a month at Walmart, without insurance! Your doc can help by prescribing a med you can afford if you ask. You owe it to yourself, and will probably do better in school too, and feel capable of working a little!
Depression is nothing to be embarrassed about, and your parents need to be educated. Do they have any ailments they take medication for? Ask how they would feel without it…</p>

13

<p>Tell your parents stright up.</p>

14

<p>You HAVE to tell your parents the truth. And yes, they may rant and rave and jump up and down AT FIRST…then hopefully they’ll settle down and live with the reality–they love you and all of you will work through it.
I don’t think my advice works only for you–I think it works for tons of people who always work to shield their loved ones from the truth. When the truth is known, the people who love you can actually go to work to HELP you.</p>

15

<p>Tell them. But here’s a tip: start by saying, “I have a serious confession to make to you.” They will fear that it is something worse, so they will be a bit relieved when they hear what the problem really is.</p>

16

<p>Hunt–I’m going to use that with my own parents and I’m WAY too old!</p>

17

<p>If my D. would be in such situation, I wish she would tell me about it.</p>

<p>On the other hand, when I was young and in financial trouble, I moved-in with my boyfriend (he was paying rent, food, etc. … he was older and had a nice job). I know that it’s wrong. WRONG-wrong-wrong. Yet, somehow, I did this mistake.</p>

18

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<p>This is brilliant.</p>

19

<p>You can’t hide it from them forever, even if you wanted to. At some point you need to file your taxes, and you need to file your FAFSA. Hunt gave you excellent advice.</p>

20

<p>Your parents love you and want the best for you even if they do not understand everything about depression. I like the suggestion above re: how to break it to them gently. I can tell that you feel bad about lying to them but continuing to lie may make your anxiety and depression worse. So you need to tel them.</p>

<p>(((HUGS)))</p>