<p>posting anonymously because i don’t want this on my regular account.</p>
<p>when my boyfriend’s father met his now-wife for the first time, he came home to his brother and said, “i just met the woman i’m going to marry” (to which his brother replied, “have another drink”). over 20 years later, they’re still married & very much in love. i’ve heard countless stories of people “just knowing” that they’d met the right person. was that the case for you? if not, when did you know? how did you know? </p>
<p>i’m young enough that most of you would probably roll your eyes at the idea that this relationship might be “the real thing,” but i can’t help wondering, and he says he feels the same. is it wishful thinking? how do i know if it’s real? for that matter, how young is “too young”?</p>
<p>i’d love to hear your perspectives on this.</p>
<p>There are indeed true stories of people just knowing instantly that they would marry someone, but there are also stories where those premonitions turned out to be incorrect, or even correct but undesirable.</p>
<p>It could be the the “real thing”, and I take your feelings seriously. I am absolutely not rolling my eyes. But maybe you’ll roll your eyes when I say that “only time will tell”.</p>
<p>The only person who knew what was going to happen was my mother, who later said she knew WashMom was The One when I can home from school talking about this girl who “smiled all the time, even during home room.” It took WashMom and I five years to catch up with my mom.</p>
<p>You might be right, and this is the “real (and long-lasting) thing”, or you might be wrong. Either way, nothing is lost by taking your time and holding off on longterm commitments. I just don’t see anything to be gained by worrying at this point, when you are busy with college, about whether or not this is permanent.</p>
<p>I’m not making an argument against marriage while young. My H and I were 22 and we’re pretty permanent, 33 1/2 years at this point. However, by the time we went on our first date, we had known each other for 8 years; yep, went to junior and high school together. I knew all about him, his corny sense of humor, his honesty and integrity. I didn’t have to wonder if I was seeing the real him.</p>
<p>I think that for every long-term loving couple who each instantly knew the other was “The One,” there are dozens of failed relationships that similarly started off with each being convinced they had found the perfect partner.</p>
<p>The truth is there is no perfect partner - no Mr. Right or Ms. Perfect. Everyone has some imperfections. The trick to long-term success in a relationship is finding someone whose imperfections you can live with and who in turn can live with yours.</p>
<p>oh, i’m not considering marriage until at least after i’ve graduated from college. i was just wondering, in general, at what point it became clear that you’d found the right person. personally, i’ve always been skeptical of the love-at-first-sight stories (and, frankly, of love in general), but i kept hearing them so i thought i’d ask.</p>
<p>I was in “love at first sight” with a couple of boyfriends before I met DH. If you’re at college, meeting people for the first time, when you’re unattached and meet an intriguing, nice looking guy, it’s easy to say it’s at “first sight.” </p>
<p>Only DH turned out to be a keeper, however. He was cute, fun to talk to, and nice to his parents. :)</p>
<p>For me, it took a couple of years of dating others (h and I dated in HS and then broke up our Senior year) while we were in different states in college. Suddenly, I realized that I was comparing everyone I dated to HIM (my best friend who I still talked to and even visited). We were married after we finished college…</p>
<p>I just re-read what I wrote above and realized it sounds like I dated many people in college. That is not true at all (3, maybe?), but the important thing is that nobody else was THE one for me!</p>
<p>Some of us take longer to learn the signs–I was 29 with 2 (!) broken engagements behind me–but after all the drama of those two relationships, plus a number of others in between those two, when I met DH–let me say, after about 3 dates with DH–it was so comfortable, fun, easy–and plenty of chemistry–plus shared values about the important things in life–that it just sort of dawned on me. It took DH a few more months to figure it out, but he did. 25 years and counting now.</p>
<p>I was 24 when I met my H and really did think, yup, he’s the one. But I was really very busy with family and work commitments that we didn’t get married till I was in my 30s. And it was not all smooth sailing in those intervening years but we’re happy as can be now.</p>
<p>I met my husband when I was 19. I liked him from the moment I first saw him from a distance. He was playing fly-half on the college rugby team (sort of like quarterback in football). He had this calm, confident, but not flashy leadership style; he was the kind of player that made everyone around him play their best.</p>
<p>Our first date was entirely unique: I asked at a Thanksgiving dinner for strays (those that weren’t going home from college for turkey day) if anyone wanted to go running with me later in the day. He said “Sure.” Little did he know that my idea of fun was running stairs. He was a good sport about it, though. Later, there we were, panting up the stairwell in a tall building, when we noticed that there was a sequence of numbers, one written on each stair. So we stopped to try to figure out the sequence. He figured it out, and I was impressed. Then I asked him what he was going to do with his life, and he said teach, and I said, well, let’s go down to the lecture hall, and you can teach me about economics. He lectured. I watched, and fell in love. That was 29 years ago last week.</p>
<p>The answer to “how did I know?” should be obvious: How many other guys was I going to find who would enjoy a first date like that? Seriously, though, the thing that really hooked me is my husband just has this core of calm confidence and graciousness that makes me feel safe. He’s always been my port in the storm.</p>
<p>I think the test of time in a REAL environment. (not school) When you both have responsibilities and are making life choices it becomes apparent pretty soon if you have the same values and goals in life. Age can be helpful, too, and previous dating experiences. DH was my 50th blind date and BOY, did I know what I was looking for by THAT time! (age 33)</p>
<p>I never thought anyone was THE ONE. When I was a student, I usually had 2-3 crushes going at a time, and lots of them (not all) could very well have turned into lifetime relationships with a little luck and a few different decisions. One of them did. But there was a year and a half between the time I noticed that I really liked her and our first kiss, and another two years after that before I stopped wondering if I might like someone else more.</p>
<p>As to whether we were really right for each other . . . it’s been almost 30 years, but we’re probably both still waiting for absolute confirmation.</p>
<p>Interesting topic! My hub told his bro-in-law on our first date (we had bumped into his sis & bro-in-law during the date), “If I had any brains, I’d marry her.” </p>
<p>I always thought hub was quite astute. lol.</p>
<p>I was more of a ‘guardian of my own heart’ for quite some time after I met him (& any other guy, for that matter).</p>
<p>It took me a few years to figure out that dh was “the one.” In the fall of our senior yr., he biked (during a transit strike) to the hospital where I’d had emergency surgery to look after me, while still managing 18 sem. hrs. plus a 20 hr./wk. job. My parents lived 12 hrs. away & didn’t come to see me. Other guys may have been better dancers, or wealthier, or even more handsome (hard for me to recall now), but he was (and is) the most caring.
We’ve been married over 30 yrs., and have had a lot of fun (and a lot of pain) but no regrets. Right now we’re tag-teaming S who’s still in the hospital, recuperating from his second operation in less than a month.</p>
<p>I believe that there are many possible “ones.” THE one winds up as “the one” because of timing, circumstance, and luck as well as inherent matchiness. Like JHS I think a couple of my ones could have been “the” one had the timing and circumstances been different.</p>
<p>Pay attention to geomom’s description: her husband’s core qualities drew her. Someone who can be “the one” has a core that is very magnetic to your core. If you found those same core qualities in the sex you aren’t attracted to, then you’d want that person as your best friend.</p>
<p>People’s cores don’t change much, so it is the best thing to base a relationship on. Next, strong physical attraction. Both together make for a great relationship.</p>
<p>In my life I have had a few “ones” and the common element is that soul-to-soul admiration, regard, comfort, trust, friendship. The person around whom you deeply relax, around whom the best version of yourself emerges. The person whose energy inspires you. The ones I met at the wrong times are still people I love, trust and admire-- which tells me that the essential parts were there and real.</p>
<p>My advice to you is to value every “one” as a gift, and don’t worry too much about whether or not he/she is “THE one,” which you may only know once years have elapsed.</p>