<p>Hair smelling good & pheromones-that got me too. </p>
<p>besides the great gams, caboose, cooking, washing, pampering… met all my points, scoring 89 of 100!</p>
<p>She looked at me and said, “It’s confirmed! I’m pregnant!”</p>
<p>Opie–the car test was for you. You passed by saying, “no, you don’t have to pay” and not freaking out. </p>
<p>Expensive, but a real test of a guy’s priorities/temper!! :-)</p>
<p>When she turned around and walked away from me and I saw what she looked like from the back in a pair of tight courderoy pants. And, of course, the political agreement, the blond hair, and the fact that she was a nice person.</p>
<p>"Opie–the car test was for you. You passed by saying, “no, you don’t have to pay” and not freaking out. "</p>
<p>I thought it was not killing her dog on the spot. But, outside of the initial shock of nearly the entire door interrior begin gone, there was something about this giant puppy waggin it’s tail with interior fabrics hanging out of it’s mouth, completely oblivious to what it just done… that was cute/funny/ironic…</p>
<p>Incandescently: Have we helped?? I want some feedback!!</p>
<p>I am really enjoying this thread- romance, humor, good advice, great reading!. </p>
<p>Laughed at the dog/car test. Especially the bit about 'the dog died … I didn’t do it".</p>
<p>I knew husband was the one, but can’t remember when I figured it out, or why! Maybe it was because we were friends and ran in the same pack for 4 years before we started ‘dating’. </p>
<p>Um, the friendship started in 1971</p>
<p>Opie–that’s flying colors, not just a pass.</p>
<p>sorry i haven’t responded; i’ve been busy with end-of-term craziness. i’ve really enjoyed reading everyone’s stories, and it’s given me a lot to think about. </p>
<p>i didn’t have an “i’m going to marry this man” moment with my boyfriend, but then again i was 17 and totally uninterested in marriage or even really a serious relationship… i did have an immediate feeling of attraction the first time we met, which is unusual for me (i was rarely attracted to anyone in high school, even/especially those everyone thought was “soooo hot”), but i didn’t really think anything of it at the time. by “attraction” i don’t just mean physically, although that was definitely part of it ;), more like, “this is someone i’d like to spend more time with.”</p>
<p>oh, and i think i phrased my question poorly in mentioning “the one”… like many of you, i believe there are several possible “ones,” including the person you eventually end up with. i meant it more as “the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with,” not your “soulmate” or anything silly like that.</p>
<p>thanks again for all the replies!</p>
<p>i really liked what sbmom said, by the way:
and
;)</p>
<p>Good advice. The one that I used as a measuring stick was:</p>
<p>“There are probably hundreds of men that you can live with, and be happy. The one you want is the man you can’t live without.”</p>
<p>I think when s/he is ‘the one’ you won’t have to ask anyone. You won’t care what anyone’s opinion is. It won’t be up for discussion.</p>
<p>One of “the ones” was a woman (and I am not so inclined) so I gave her to my brother! Well, not really they figured it out all by themselves a year after I graduated. :)</p>
<p>well, yes. but most of the marriages in my family (including my parents’) are messy, dysfunctional ones that either ended in divorce or should have, so it’s not something i’ve ever idealized. since i don’t really have any concept of what makes a long-term relationship successful, i wanted to hear from parents whose experiences differed from what i observed growing up.</p>
<p>for the record, my relationship is nothing like my parents’… we actually communicate, for instance. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>edit: this was in response to lealdragon’s post.</p>
<p>off-topic: i’ve never had a featured thread before! how exciting.</p>
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<p>incandescently - Since it is highly unlikely that all those relatives picked spouses that they are flat-out incompatible with, you have a pretty strong signal that your family has a problem with communication (as you noted).</p>
<p>It’s great that you recognize that communication is the key. It’s even better that communication is a skill that you can significantly improve upon. As life gets more complicated (jobs, kids, money, in-laws, waxing/waning libidos) the stakes in communication go up. </p>
<p>I recommend a book called “Crucial Conversations” which lays out pretty clearly the good, the bad, and the ugly communication styles. I also like a book called “Getting to Yes” which is a classic about negotiation (but not as applicable to intimate relationships.)</p>
<p>May you have a long and happy relationship with your current love.</p>
<p>And after you find “the one” the next step is committing to making it work–through thick and thin.</p>
<p>Sometimes people get lazy, they stop being nice to the ones they live with (but are oh so nice to the outside world) or they feel a sense of entitlement (“allowed” to be high maintenance, or “you need to make ME happy.”) </p>
<p>Or they subconsciously act out their parents’ relationship and repeat the same mistakes. Or sabotage the relationship so it will fail, thus “proving” that all men/women are untrustworthy.</p>
<p>There are lots of possible reasons; I guess that’s why there are so many divorces.</p>
<p>“since i don’t really have any concept of what makes a long-term relationship successful,”</p>
<p>I don’t anyone really knows… as you describe your folks, their disfunction ended in divorce. Yet, other people have long disfunctional loving relationships. Sure they yell, get p issed off, but you know… they wouldn’t have it any other way… </p>
<p>Just cause I love you DOESN’T mean you’re not going to make me angry… </p>
<p>I’m an irishman so I can go from p issed to pleased faster than your car can hit 60 mph. </p>
<p>I guess maybe a way to think about it is like this I can get mad at your views, actions or words, but I will never try to hurt you by going beyond the arguement of the momment. </p>
<p>Happy healthy relationships aren’t the ones where no fights occur. trust me, you have to care enough about someone to fight with them sometimes. I know of far too many divorces nobody saw coming because they appeared so happy together…</p>
<p>no, my parents are part of the “couples that have not divorced but should” category. it sounds awful, but they’ve spent the better part of the past two decades making themselves, each other, and everyone around them miserable, and the only reason they’re still married is that marriage is forever (that, and divorce would be a financial disaster).</p>
<p>i’m not naive enough to believe that loving couples never fight. it’s when it’s 70% fights, 20% poorly concealed resentment, and 10% cool indifference that it might be time to bring up the d word.</p>
<p>p.s. i think i just outed myself by accidentally posting from my regular account. damn.</p>
<p>but this is getting far too serious! i’d like to hear more about happy, loving marriages & why they work, not dissect my parents’ failed one. :)</p>