I am currently a freshman at Eckerd College, a small liberal arts school in St. Petersburg, Florida. While I have only been here for 2 months, I am already strongly considering transferring to a larger school in Chicago. I was so mesmerized by the beach and the fact that I could bring my cat, that I didn’t really look at the things I didn’t like about the school. The psychology department is hardly existent, the only things close to the campus are fast food restaurants, there is a party every single night of the week (yes, this is a negative for me), and everything on campus is super out-of-date (dorms, gym, classrooms). I’m getting involved on campus, and I’m making good friends, but even when I come from hanging out with my friends, I still feel like I’m not in the right place. The school that I really want to transfer to is DePaul University in Chicago, it’s the same liberal arts feel, but in the city and with an amazing psychology department. I toured the school last year and loved it, I even did a lab with an Environmental Science class, but I didn’t apply because it was too close to home.
My main problem isn’t me questioning whether or not I want to transfer, I figure I’ll give it until November and then decide then, for sure. The issue I’m having is with my mom. When I toured Eckerd, with my mom, she loved the school and kept saying that she wished she could have gone here. She loved the beach, the warm weather, the faculty, but it was all the stuff that they want you to love so you don’t look at the bad stuff. Even in the first week of classes, she kept texting me asking for pictures so she could “live vicariously through me”. I feel like she saw this school as the perfect place for me, and herself. So, by me not loving the school, she feels like I’m letting myself down, as well as failing her. Every time I call her and ask for advice she just gets angry and says that I’m not trying hard enough and that she’ll make me go to community college and live at home if I decide to transfer. Instead of listening to my pros/cons and my factual reasons for wanting to transfer, she points fingers at the “wrong” reasons, like she says I have no friends and just want to be closer to my boyfriend. But I do have good friends, and I’m actually worried that transferring closer to my boyfriend will disrupt our relationship. He’s actually one of my “cons”. She even escalated to saying that I should see if there’s an Alcoholics Anonymous group that meets near the school that I could go to and “make friends”. Please note that I don’t drink, and have never wanted to. It’s actually one of the reasons why I hate the social life here. She’s also been trying to bribe me by saying she’ll buy me a car so I can drive off campus. But having a car won’t solve my problems, it’ll just make it easier for me to escape from them.
I know that I’m an adult and I make my own decisions, but my mom’s opinion has always been important to me. Her and my dad are divorced and, in the state of Illinois, that means they, legally, both have to contribute to 1/3 of my college expenses, regardless of where I go to school. So I’m not worried about losing financial aid for college, and I will transfer against her will, if it comes to that. Does anyone have any advice on how to talk to my mom about it and inspire her to listen, instead of just defending my current school? Right now, we aren’t talking because I just get upset when she doesn’t listen to what I’m saying, which makes me feel worse and she uses it as ammo. If I cry, she says that I’m too emotional and must not be emotionally ready to make choices for myself. I really don’t want to have to go against her will to transfer, as I usually have a really good relationship with my mom. But I can’t stay at this school if I can’t succeed academically and am miserable, even if she loves it. Please help, I would really appreciate it.