<p>Russian Film Festival! Who could resist that? :)</p>
<p>This has gone on long enough … no argument seems to work and if your mom really deposited at Drexel, then you can’t double-deposit at Pitt. So go to Drexel, get your degree, and then live where you want. Engineers can work anywhere in the country.</p>
<p>As I said early on, the two schools are basically equivalent for undergrad engineering and co-op opportunities. Not all of those co-op slots will be in the immediate area. Your mom will find that Drexel (or any other school) won’t speek with her directly about academic choices, only with you. You can probably find other activities to keep you busy on Drexel’s campus as well. In other words, your path to freedom starts now even if you have to commute.</p>
<p>So you have at least 16 rankings all saying Pitt is a better school. I know of no other current rankings (although older rankings…older than 2-3 years old like Gormans, Wuhan and Newsweek international will confirm the exact same thing). </p>
<p>Pitt has more Russian cultural offerings than anywhere else in the state, including one of the nations top [Slavic</a> departments](<a href=“http://www.slavic.pitt.edu/]Slavic”>http://www.slavic.pitt.edu/) and the only US designated [Russian</a> National Resource Center](<a href=“http://www.ucis.pitt.edu/crees/]Russian”>Center for Russian, East European, and Eurasian Studies) in Pennsylvania.</p>
<p>Importantly, your cost to attend Pitt is cheaper or equal to commuting to Drexel, and will allow you to be enveloped by both the Russian cultural opportunities, the [engineering</a> learning living centers](<a href=“http://webster.engr.pitt.edu/freshman/]engineering”>http://webster.engr.pitt.edu/freshman/), and take advantage of the [Pitt</a> Arts](<a href=“PITT ARTS | Student Affairs”>http://www.pittarts.pitt.edu/) program. It will also facilitate your studies, since you will not be spending hours commuting back and forth, allow you to engage in engineering research since you will be living adjacent to the engineering facilities, and actually be able to become involved in various engineering [societies</a> and clubs](<a href=“http://webster.engr.pitt.edu/students/organizations.html]societies”>http://webster.engr.pitt.edu/students/organizations.html), which is important for networking.</p>
<p>Pitt’s engineering co-op program is superior, in your view, due to its length.</p>
<p>Quality of life intangibles are considered better at Pitt than Drexel, according to every available student survey that I know of.</p>
<p>And, the City of Pittsburgh has a long and rich tradition of Slavic elasticities, for instance, making the Pittsburgh the number [one</a> market for Perogies in the US](<a href=“Pierogi - Wikipedia”>Pierogi - Wikipedia).</p>
<p>So in summary, taking all the previous posts together, I think you have:</p>
<p>Pitt is unanimously considered a better school by both domestic and international rankings.</p>
<p>Provides more Russian cultural connections and opportunities than perhaps anywhere else in America.</p>
<p>Is only 5-6 hours away by car or bus, with Southwest routinely flying between the cities at $100 or less.</p>
<p>Is cheaper considering daily commuting costs, and will provide a much more immersive experience for your studies as well as better career networking opportunities.</p>
<p>Has recently invested $100 million in upgrades and renovations to their engineering facilities.</p>
<p>Is considered a more enjoyable experience according to student surveys.</p>
<p>Will be safer, considering the crime statistics in West Philadelphia versus the Oakland neighborhood of Pittsburgh, and the fact you will be driving substantially in Philadelphia traffic back and forth to Drexel.</p>
<p>And, most importantly, is by far your first preference.</p>
<p>After you lay that all out at the same time, with all that evidence, you should clearly be able to convey that Pitt is the better opportunity for you and your future, and will not detract one bit from, and may even enhance, your appreciation and connection to your heritage. So the question I think you have to lovingly ask your mom is:</p>
<p>“Mom, I love you, but Pitt is clearly, and irrefutably the better place for me over the next four years. While I have no intention of losing my connection to my family or my heritage, and will make a committed effort to keep in touch because I love you and dad very much, are you really saying that you will disown me for doing what I have clearly and logically shown, in multiple ways, is not only my strong preference, but is also in the best interest of my future?”</p>
<p>That is a “yes” or “no” question. I wouldn’t let her talk around it. If she says “yes”, that is unfortunate, but I don’t know if a college choice is worth straining your relationship with your parents. That is something you’ll have to decide, and personally, I would recommend against it. Good luck though. I hope it works out for you.</p>
<p>The OP won’t be double-depositing if he puts down a deposit at Pitt and his mother has put down a deposit at Drexel without his consent. If she mailed a deposit, then she forged his signature. If she submitted the deposit electronically, she broke into his Drexel account and forged his consent. </p>
<p>iPhoneHacker, one other thing to plan for is keeping any correspondence from Pitt secure. I’d be concerned that your mother would hide any snail mail from Pitt. 
Please be sure to keep on top of deadlines if you decide on Pitt.</p>
<p>God, just get in touch with Drexel yourself and tell them you’re not going. There’s nothing your mother will be able to do about that.</p>
<p>@slitheytove and @ghostt - suppose OP defies Mom, deposits at Pitt and withdraws from Drexel. The question becomes, is Mom bluffing or not? If she’s not bluffing, OP has to fund $11k per year and try filing FAFSA each year without parental cooperation. Mom has the leverage and OP does not, so this is not the right time for playing chicken. In 4 years, the balance of power shifts.</p>
<p>Situation sounds brutal man, I feel your pain. But, quite honestly, if Pitt is only gonna cost 11 k/year, I think you could handle that debt on your own. </p>
<p>Also, I think someone mentioned an anecdote about their wedding, and after they started actually planning it their parents broke down and helped pay, etc. It wouldn’t at all surprise me if your parents did the same thing. If you do end up at Pitt, eventually your mom will get accustomed to the distance and such, and by then, she won’t have as much a reason to not support you financially, bitterness only lasts for so long.</p>
<p>Finally, I’m not sure what your plans are post-college, but the possibility exists you might end up back in Philly, not that there aren’t a lot of engineering jobs in the 'burgh, there are quite a few more in Philly, and being from Philly might help you land a job there.</p>
<p>Hope it works out for you, and if you end up at Pitt I look forward to meeting you</p>
<p>@OP - you most likely cannot borrow $11k per year on your own. Someone has to co-sign, perhaps your uncle if he’d go that far. If considering that course, make sure you check with a bank first.</p>
<p>I was in a similar situation when I went to college 4 years ago. I applied to the school I’m at behind my parents back and got full funding including books and housing. They still would not let me go there. They put down the deposit for the other school even (against my will). They wouldn’t even let me apply to the school so I forged their signature and they would not fill out a FAFSA if I listed that school. I listed the school I wanted and submitted after they walked away from the computer.</p>
<p>What it come down to was the money. The other school was a no-name local private school where 40% of incoming students have less than 18 on their ACT. My parents didn’t know what that meant and anything that went against their notions of it being a good school was wrong. Fortunately, the school give me no aid or scholarships and the school costs $35,000 a year. When it came down to the final days my parents realized that it might be hanging over me for the rest of my life and they didn’t want to pay if they didn’t have to. So they retracted the deposit and put in a deposit at the other school.</p>
<p>Talk to your mom again about the money. Of course my difference is $0 vs $140,000, you might still be able to sell her on ~$50,000. Or you can take the Dad route on money too.</p>
<p>I just thought of another pathway, with pros and cons, obviously:</p>
<p>Will Pitt allow you to DEFER ADMISSION for one year and hold your accepted spot without reapplying? Some colleges do, others not. Sometimes this is discussed on their website, with forms to file electronically and clear instructions. Other schools are vague and require phone calls of inquiry on their “deferred admission” policies.</p>
<p>That would secure you a spot at Pitt, starting one year from this coming fall.</p>
<p>In the upcoming year, live at home and work full-time to earn as much as you can towards your own college education; borrow the remainder.</p>
<p>In other words, refuse to go to Drexel. Live at home (she’ll be glad). Earn all you can in one year; take a loan for the rest; then go to Pitt. </p>
<p>I hope she wouldn’t charge you rent to stay at home without attending college for the year. And it’s not so easy to find lucrative work, but even a dull, post-h.s. office clerk/retail/factory fulltime job around Philly will help put a dent in your college savings to reduce the loan to attend Pitt. You might even work 2 jobs. This also buys you time. </p>
<p>I’m not promoting this idea, it’s just another path nobody’s yet mentioned.</p>
<p>PS, Be careful, because some colleges will allow you to defer admission only if they see some kind of learning activity during the year. Be crystal clear that they approve your planned activity (work!) for the year. Don’t assume. They might also tell you to reapply again from scratch in a year but I hate to see anyone risk an accepted spot, so please don’t do it that way. Find a yearlong program that Pitt will approve tht includes a lot of money-earning, and maybe work on a language by internet at night, or take one Community College course, something like that. Level with them (by phone) about what’s going on in your home and this is the only way you can see to get to Pitt. Be very honest.</p>
<p>PPS, If it takes phone calls to Pitt to clarify, get approvals or make verbal understandings about the deferred year, end the phone call with a request for an email to you so you have it all in writing. Email is good enough, with name and date record, or they may write you a letter later…just don’t leave things with verbal approvals as policies and administrators change each year.</p>
<p>Wow, your mother is really trying to control you. [Being the rebellious sort that I am, I would find any way possible to go to Pitt. That’s just me, I’m not necessarily recommending it for you.] But, how would you feel if you went to Drexel just to satisfy your mother? Maybe it’s not really that big a deal to you. Or, maybe it is.</p>
<p>Hey, IPH. I was thinking about this some more. Here is one more argument that is more on the emotional side (although it brings the facts in, too). I would assume that one of the main reasons your parents emigrated from Russia was in order to give their children a better life. In fact, they probably gave up EVERYTHING for this opportunity. So… it probably explains some of your mom’s unwillingness to let go (she made a VERY big investment in you, bigger really than most of us parents out here have made for our own kids). And it is natural to want to hang onto something/someone that you have given up your whole way of life for. Just to bring some of her perspective.</p>
<p>But… this thought might also be an advantage for you. Because every generation wants something better for their kids. And one of the things you would hope to get out of coming to America is a better education. And that implies going to the best school you can get into – which I think even your mom would probably admit in her secret heart is Pitt after all of the facts you have gathered. Going to the best college you can get into is a way to make things better for YOUR children (her future grandchildren). How can she deny you the same chance to reach for a better opportunity that she herself took when she came to the US? You should thank her for taking such a big step for your future… and tell her that you are trying to take another big step that helps move the family forward. </p>
<p>Just saying… not sure it will work. It would require a serious conversation where you were sincere, and not emotional about her ruining your life… you have to go at it from how it is beneficial for the whole family if you get a better degree. It puts you in a better position financially to help them if they need it in the future, too. (although that is a promise you may not want to make, up to you…). And helps them by spending less so they can have a more secure retirement (or pay for younger sibs, do you have any)? Although I am not sure I would bring that spending less point in, as it changes the conversation from the idealistic “reaching for opportunities” discussion to a transaction based conversation, and that might shut her down.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this will work, but I would take this argument to her AND your dad AND your uncle… (cuz the guys might mention it to her, and hearing something from more than once source can help sway people).</p>
<p>One more question. You say your uncle agrees with you, have you gotten him to sit down with you and your mom to discuss? Can you do that? It would just help to have an adult aligned with you in these conversations.</p>
<p>Wonderful, thoughtful idea, inparent.</p>
<p>I can’t recall if it’s been mentioned here yet, but since her concerns focus on dorm drinking and partying, would you be willing to live in “substance-free” dorm for freshman year, if there is one at Pitt?</p>
<p>Also on the immigration dream advancing into the next generation, that inspiriing message can work in some communities and was characteristic of immigrants from Russian countries prior to 1920. But some today are more distrustful than embracing of American institutions, which they consider inferior to places left behind, say 20 years ago, in Eastern Europe or the former Soviet Union. It all depends on the family.</p>
<p>ETA: I do like the sound of the pitch that you’ll be in a better financial position in the future for the sake of family and grandchildren. It is likely to appeal emotionally. Any mom would like to hear that, even if she still harbors a preference for the way things were done in her home country re: non residential university life, commuting back in her day. </p>
<p>She’s either afraid of losing you or impossibly short-sighted about her own needs to see you and know what you’re doing, day-in and day-out, as up until now. That she signed you up for Drexel and deposited there is just outrageous and needs to be undone by you. I share ST’s concern that you guard your snail-mail from Pitt, maybe also change electronic accounts from her abiliity to hack them. </p>
<p>In situations such as these, I say either make your own move that doesn’t need her approval/financing (several outlined above) or bring in “the boys” (uncle, dad, cousin) for a group-talk/intervention, so more than just you are trying to persuade her.</p>
<p>So turns out that she didn’t sent a deposit and only said that just to get me scared. My uncles support is now off the table since my mom somehow convinced most of my family that Drexel is some amazing school and Pitt is some slum. </p>
<p>And now, my parents made up new excuses for Drexel. They said that if I go off to college, there will be no one to babysit my sister. My mom also out of nowhere got that Pitt is unsafe and that I’m going to end up being bullied. Mind you, I’m 6’3" football player. I went through wgmcp101’s ranking list with my mom, yet she still thinks Drexel is better. She’s talked to 5 people who went to Drexel and no one who went to Pitt and that’s what she bases and biases her opinion on in light of facts. </p>
<p>Sent from my SGH-T959 using CC App</p>
<p>I would call Pitt’s financial aid office and find out if there are any work study or other options should your family’s support be off the table, so you know if it is realistic to just send in your deposit. I’d call the admissions office, regarding deferred admissions for one year. If I were in your place, I would be very tempted to send all of the information regarding rankings, safety (crime stats), etc. to extended family. Not in order to change their minds, but just to say that you have been taught to be a careful thinker and decision maker, and that these are the factors that you have used, and to politely, sincerely thank them for their concern on your behalf. I have to hand it to you, because despite some exasperated sounding posts, most of your posts here seem matter-of-fact and even-keeled. I’d be seething. In fact, I’m flabbergasted by your parents’ intransigence… If you would consider Drexel, also call their financial aid office to see if there are any other monies so you could live there. Please keep us posted! You are right, choosing your future should not be so stressful!</p>
<p>I am with Paying 3 Tuitions & calling Pitt. Tell them what the situation is & ask for a year deferred entry and work to make money during that year. </p>
<p>I have to shower to go to church (Easter) or I wd say more but if Pitt is the place for you what with its courses & all, you are admitted, you shd go there. Mom wanting you home to babysit is nuts. College students are not babysitters. College school work is plenty hard; you do not have time to sit the sibs (unless “babysit” means making sure high school age sibs do their homework & not watch TV) </p>
<p>You are the student with whom either school will communicate because of the Federal privacy laws; she cannot send a dep to Drexel. She cannot sign a paper for you at Drexel or Pitt.</p>
<p>It is up to you to communicate with Pitt if you are going to go there. Take your lumps if you have to, do some job for a while, and go there.</p>
<p>I went to Brown, transferred there when I was 22 and everyone else my age was graduating. My parents said they cd not afford it (they were right but they did not believe what I said abt fin aid). I worked 3 yr between freshman yr & my soph yr at Brown to eanr $$ to attend. I also took some time off while at B to work & earn $$. My parents did not help at all.</p>
<p>So, it was along time ago & B was cheaper then—but it was very expensive in 70s dollars! If I cd do it, you can too. Goodluck & call Pitt!</p>
<p>Babysitting? I sense that Mom is getting desperate to find an argument to justify her feelings . Hang in there, you just might win this. You do need some adult somewhere to help you convince her.</p>
<p>If your Mom is willing to attempt to control your life to this extent now, unless you stand up for yourself your life will continue to be like this. She is likely to be the m-i-l from hell when/if you get married. Though I would tell my D to steer clear of you–not because you sound like a bad person, quite the opposite, but when one marries, one marries the family as well. I would never advise someone to make a life with a person who can’t stand up to his/her parents. I’d take a stand now, even if it means deferring a year. If I were in your shoes, and I ended up at Drexel , I fear I would resent my parents greatly, and my first job would be chosen based upon how far away it was from my folks. Seattle, San Diego, L.A., you get the picture. And I would tell them that. And don’t worry, mom and dad, I’ll stay in close contact with baby sister after I move 1800 miles away, in fact, she’ll be welcome to come and live with me in my apartment in L.A…That’s just stubborn (a bit bratty) old me, but…Does your mom dominate your dad? She wears the pants, as they say?</p>
<p>Sorry, hope you can work it all out. It shouldn’t be like this.</p>
<p>iPhoneHacker –</p>
<p>I still believe that YOU should send in a deposit to Pitt, NOW. </p>
<p>To clarify-- I am NOT saying that you should confront your mom with that. Another poster said that would provoke a huge fight and I think the poster is correct.</p>
<p>But it will PRESERVE your options. I believe the amount needed is $300 – the worst case is that you will lose $300. However, if you fail to pay the deposit, then you can lose your spot simply because your mom has outlasted you and the time has run out.</p>
<p>I do not think that Pitt offers a substance-free dorm as was suggested in an earlier post, but I would think that a substance-free roommate could be requested. I think that Pitt is pretty good at matching roommates. There is probably slightly less partying in the honors dorm and on the SPACE floors, but I have always said that those who want to party will find parties and I do not think that is the OP’s goal.</p>
<p>My heart does go out to the OP because the kids I know at Pitt are great kids and two I know very well. They chose Pitt over higher ranked schools and love it there. Keep working on them!</p>