Sometimes people who allege they are your friends are not your friends. I’m cautious with everyone. I have been accused of being paranoid, but – well, I guess I am.
Also, it sometimes puzzles me as to why being considered “cheap” is such a bad thing to be labeled.
Personally, I and several friends wear that label proudly as we’d prefer that to being spendthrifts who spend too much for their personal budgets or worse…some who go beyond that to presume the right to expect others to conform to their excessively spendy lifestyle.
S is proud to be known as a very careful shopper who buys quality at great prices. He has earned the label and is quite proud of it. He makes a handsome side income with his prowess as a super-shopper.
I would rather be known as a careful shopper than a presumptuous mooch, which I’d consider Randi and the “friend.”
Ick, ick, ick. I just came across this thread. From how this all played out (over 4 pages) it sounds like Randi is not a friend I would want to keep.
I put most of this debacle on Randi. Was she employed or unemployed at this point? If she were employed here - then wow, just wow. Even if she were unemployed at this point, planning to skim $500 off your friends is a slimy thing to do. I guess, I would let the $50 slide for now but re-evaluate how much time I want to spend with Randi. I don’t have a good handle on the woman who did the blindsiding. If she is of the generous, impulsive sort (and Randi knows it), I may give her a pass.
I’m all for “Randi just lost her job, what can we do for her?” but not “Randi gets to keep $50 from each of you because she just lost her job”. That’s a LOT of money to give without discussion.
Another thought, a friend gifted me with tickets at their table to the ‘social event of the year.’ It was a year of financial issues and the gesture was incredibly kind & generous & made a real high point in a lousy year. I thanked them at the time and wrote a thank you note again, probably 10 years later, just sharing how that had been such a high point and how much it meant to me at the time.
I know in my heart that it was suggested to the table owner by my closest friend at the time, but had she suggested it to him in front of me & a group of others, the gesture would not have had the same meaning it does, it would have felt coerced. I feel like Suzy-Speaks-Up took the pleasure in giving the gift away from the rest and that the gift has less meaning to Randi because it was forced. I would think about speaking to the woman who made the grandiose gesture and let her know the gift would have been much more special if you all had discussed it ahead of time and made a planned generous gift.
I don’t spend other people’s money and I appreciate others not spending mine. I’m going to assume this person meant well, but except for her $50 it wasn’t for her to decide.
Hubby started a phrase years ago when family would suggest all kinds of things we could do to fix up our house to their liking. …no unfunded mandates, we will take suggestions in writing as long as there are checks attached.
How do people feel about the fundraising trend at charity events where they show a heart-wrenching video and then pass out the donation envelopes and have a team captain at the table collecting the checks? I don’t like that either. I sometimes go to events as a favor to a friend or a work colleague where someone has to fill a table and is scrounging around for bodies to sit at the table. I really hate it when I am then guilted into writing a check at the table (or making a pledge). I’ve had the table team captains get quite insistent. In my experience, this has become more and more common.
Or the alumni fund-raising efforts where 100% participation is the trigger for some sort of prize. Law schools are notorious for doing this at law firms, again with a team captain colleague appointed to ensure 100% participation from all lawyers at the firm who graduated from the school. And the schools collude to have “contests.”
I refuse to write checks at events. If I want to donate, I do it when I am in the mood, from the comfort of my own home. I will NOT be guilted into donating for a charity I am not 100% behind–too many worthy ones to be guilted into someone else’s favorite charity.
I will refuse future invitations if I felt pressured at prior event.
@nottelling - that’s why I stopped going to the vast majority of charity events. If there’s going to be an auction or any other kind of public pledging - no thanks. Plus, it’s boring to sit through!
I understand the principal of getting a high % of donors. A higher number helps them fundraise from other sources because it looks like everyone concerned loves them. That’s fine, and I’ve given small donations for that reason but not under public pressure.
I always just say, “I’ve already donated to my own charities, thanks”.
At the company I used to work for and also a different company DH used to work for did a variant of the table arm twisting for United Way. What both companies did was pick someone in the department usually a boss that then went around and talked to each person individually about United Way and then we had to turn our pledges or tell that person if we were not donating X amount a pay period. While I felt and still feel that United Way is a good charity I think the way that it was handled was horrible. DH and I always made a token 50 cents a week pledge just get them off our backs.
I hate that now at retailers they’re trying to round up the change for various charities. The grocery store is really bad about this…will you donate today for breast cancer…I’ll ask for the name of the charity and they don’t know it. I do more than my part, I hate the change grubbing at checkout.
At my workplace, there is an annual drive for United Way and also for a local group of organizations. The pitch is low key; no arm-twisting, except for promises of things like “pie for everyone” if my employer hits its target for increased contributions.
I always say “no thank you” at the grocery store and pet shop. The poor clerks that have to ask all day!
We go to charity events in our community (usually dinners) and most are fairly expensive since it IS a fund-raising event. You don’t go if you don’t want to.
But we went to one where additiional donations were being solicited in the form of table captains etc–no way–we’d already given what we wanted. We haven’t attended another one for that organization.
Aren’t those retailers who collect for charities using the customers’ donations to pad their own tax deduction?
Bothers me, too. Some of the corporations are so wealthy, I wish they’d just give their own extra million or two. But in some cases, public giving is reflected back in other matches.
It’s “cause-related marketing,” a win-win for the corporation. They raise money for some worthwhile organization while also being able to toot their own horns about it and have their name associated with the good deed!