It seems to me the initial person could have said to the group - away from Randi - that she planned to give her rebate to Randi to help her out. Then anyone in the group can do what they want to with their own.
If I were Randi, I would absolutely not accept that money no matter how dire the circumstances are. IF she takes this money, and IF the “other woman” (who I think is incredibly manipulative) refuses to give you your money back, I’d drop them as friends.
Not dramatically, like “oh that’s it you’re dead to me”. I’d just become unavailable whenever they wanted to do something, because I’d be doing things with people who actually are my friends. There have to be other people in this group who feel the same way you do-those are the ones you want to spend time with, not these two schemers.
Some one earlier suggested you talk to Randi, perhaps suggest to Randi that many people were surprised by this announcement & much as they would like to help her, this is not the way they want to to do it. Randi could do everyone a favor by mailing out refund checks to all, then people who want to donate can return them or not cash them.
Not sure how long Randi has been unemployed but its possible she no longer has the $ to refund the $50 to everyone, hence the manipulative maneuvering.
I’d hate to say, in effect, your problems are yours, I want my fifty bucks.
How do the other unemployed members feel? What makes Randi’s newly unemployed status more special than theirs?
Randi is about 99% likely to “forget” about those of you who want your own money back. It’s much more convenient for her that way. Please remind her that you need your own $$ back.
@TatinG I think you should tell the woman who suggested it that you were unable to state your true feelings at the time she blindsided you, but that you can’t really afford to lose the $50. Then politely suggest that she pay you the $50 out of her own pocket if she doesn’t want to impose upon Randi to cough it up. 
PS I know this is an unrealistic solution; it’s more of a revenge fantasy. :-?
It is nice that you posted @TatinG because we can all be aware and have a head start on our own answers if this ever happens to us.
I think I now know that I would approach the speaker immediately in private and state “I am unable to donate $50 at this time and need my refund back.”
So thanks for letting us play Monday morning quarterback with you.
I think doschicos nailed it. Randi had probably already spent the money and had confided to the speaker that she couldn’t pay everyone back, and the speaker probably came up with this plan to help Randi save face. If this is the case, it doesn’t matter what anyone said; you weren’t going to get your $50 back anyway. The only question would be, is Randi going to be let off the hook or is she going to be acknowledged as a deadbeat?
If Randi were my friend and I liked her (and this was not habitual behavior), I guess I’d be inclined to forgive the debt IF I really thought she couldn’t pay me back (though I would be as annoyed as hell by the subterfuge).
Regardless of the circumstances, if I were Randi, I would have been absolutely mortified by the speech at the dinner.
Now I’m dying to know what these were tickets to!
Handle it by griping on CC, and saying nothing to your friends. I wouldn’t think there is too much behind it. It is possible that Randi spent the money. It is also possible that the woman who suggested, “Let’s just let Randi keep the refunds” is just a generous, impulsive person, who had just heard about Randi losing her job and wanted to do something nice for her, and she spoke up, assuming that everyone would have the same thought–without confirming that they all wanted to “donate” their $50. She probably figured that everyone already paid for the tickets, so it wasn’t going to be like paying extra–just “not getting the discount.” No way for anyone to ask for their money back without looking cheap and uncaring–even if she also just lost her job. (I figure no one in this group is starving–otherwise they wouldn’t even think of buying tickets to something costly to begin with.) Let it go, but don’t put Randi and what’s-her-name in charge of your $ in the future.
I was in a very similar situation–forced donation–where someone else decided that we ALL were going to “round up” to the next $100 on an amount we owed someone. I wanted to pay the exact amount, but then my check would not have matched the others, and I would have looked “cheap.” The person who decided this was, like, “I’m SURE we all AGREE on this!” It is all about not making assumptions–because groups of people rarely agree on anything. We tend to assume that other people think the way we do. But they often do not.
Please, I can afford the 50$. It is just not my way to bill my friends. When I drive a group even a considerable distance, I do not ask for gas money. Sometimes they insist, and then I take it to avoid a dispute. But I never would think of expecting my friends to pay for something I do for the group. I would also die of embarrassment rather than be seen as a charity case and dun my friends for money.
I do not dun friends for money either, so I get how uncomfortable it is. I’m sorry you were put in this position. I’d be very reluctant to be inadvertently put in thus position in the future. Yuck!
"When the tickets were distributed I said “And we get a 50 rebate because of the group number, right?” Randi said, “Yes, if that’s what you want to do”.
Sounds to me like Randi wasn’t planning on giving anyone the money back.
I find it annoying when people decide for me when I should be generous, they both blindside me and prevent me the enjoyment of coming up with the gracious idea myself (which could be slightly different than their idea!)
We had been meeting a group of friends for some games at a local pub, one weekend we threw the same game night at our place and invited some newbies to fill out the group. Just like at the pub, everyone put $5 in the pot. When winner was announced, a newbie announced that we were all “ok” financially and should donate the proceeds to charity. 1} she was a newbie 2} her team did not win 3} maybe the winners wanted to decide what to do with their winnings. It just grates on me, that attitude.
Also, I hate the whole attitude of “oh you have a nice house/car/ring/garden/job/life so you can afford ‘it’-” Whatever it is, we all make our choices in life, I have friends who go out to eat all the time, they think they got a deal when it’s only $100 for the couple, others rarely go out to eat. I have friends who drive their cars until they die, and friends who get new ones all the time. We all have our spending on treats and our areas to be cheap, but if I think you are wasting money on manicures, that doesn’t mean I can say you should give $50 to Randi, or anything else like that.
Part of the annoyance is the principle of the thing- Randi does not get “my money” just because she is out of work, and Suzy does not get to get all the group accolades for being the generous one and tell me what to donate my money to, I have my charities, thank you very much.
I would have said something immediately, but that’s just the way I am. So much time has passed now that I’d likely let it drop, but I sure wouldn’t have at the time.
I go to happy hours with friends and am quick to put in my share rather than being drawn in to splitting the bill. I usually don’t drink, in part because that’s not how I choose to spend my money, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to subsidize their drinking. They keep inviting me so I don’t think it’s a big problem. They know that we make less than they do.
This would really bother me. And maybe I wouldn’t say anything but I probably wouldn’t do this type of thing again with this group. Maybe it’s small minded of me but I don’t need friends who make these kind of decisions.
Oh what a great thing to have said to Randi’s friend at the time, “I’m sure Randi won’t mind if we take the extra money and give it to the local hospice/soup kitchen/animal shelter! There is sooo much need out there”
And sooo much evil hiding as good!
It reminds me of a scene in one of the Little House books. Laura and Mary had been out with Pa and were exploring around the remains of an Indian campsite. To their delight, they each found a few beads in the sand and brought them home. Mary immediately piped up to Ma, “but I’m going to give my beads to Baby Carrie” and Laura did a slow burn because she really wanted to keep hers but felt boxed in by Mary’s apparent goodness.
Some of you are one tough.audience, assuming Randi is out to scam. If I felt so aggrieved, I would have privately spoken to that generous suggester at the dinner. Not been silent and then stewed, then built it up.
So okay. Call Randi, tell her you didn’t agree, want your money . Maybe it’ll make you feel better.
Or?
Wanting and being willing to keep $500 of “friends” money that they should be reimbursed IS scamming people. That’s not her money, and asking to keep it is ridiculous, even if she got someone else to do the dirty work of asking for it. I have been broke, unemployed, and I say, “EWWWW!!” Who would do that? $500 for the trouble of booking group tickets? It’s not the money, it’s the point. That is such a creepy thing to do to people who are supposedly your friends.