<p>I am so sad for my DD and just do not know how to help her deal with this. Her senior prom was this past Saturday and she was invited to a post prom party/sleepover at a classmates home. She went to the prom with a good friend and had a great time at the prom itself. The trouble happened later at the party when several other male classmates showed up and had alcohol, pot and ecstacy, which some of the kids did use! My D was very uncomfortable and asked her friend/date to bring her home which he did. Well…my D has now been pretty much left out of all of the senior week get togethers…even her girlfriends have stopped calling and inviting her to do things.
I have told her over and over how proud I am of her for leaving the party. The things is she was not even the one who told me what had happened at the party (and I have not said anything to anyone about it). My brothers son was also at the party and he told my sister in law about it and she told me.
My D is now so sad and it kills me to see her senior year ending on this note. Any suggestions for what I can do to help her through this?</p>
<p>You should be really proud of her. IIUC prom night can be a difficult time for the “straighter” kids at many schools, but that they are ostracizing her just for wanting to leave seems really over the top to me.</p>
<p>Love her. Be supportive. Take a vacation with her. And trty to help her focus on her future at college.</p>
<p>What a difficult time for her to have to be living the truth that doing the right thing is often not the popular thing. I would just keep on hugging her and telling her how proud you are of her. There are many adults who lack the courage to walk away from bad situations, how wonderful that your daughter already has within herself. </p>
<p>But I know that is cold comfort to her now. Does she have other friends (like the one who brought her home) to have some fun with? It’s easier to get through being left out if you have a buddy to do something fun with.</p>
<p>You have a terrific kid, I’m so glad that she has you.</p>
<p>I would be so proud of her…you did a great job in raising a daughter who knows what she is comfortable with. Sometimes doing the right thing does not always feel good. I am sure she will be fine. Give her lots of hugs.</p>
<p>Just another supportive message - in case you can’t come up with anything you can at least show her this thread.</p>
<p>It’s awesome that she understands good sense, following the law, and self-respect. This will serve her very well for her life (for almost all professions!). Maybe the kids who are ostracizing her now wish they had had the courage to leave the party too. This too shall pass, and she is in the better position than the others, whether actual users or just too scared to leave.</p>
<p>I would be proud of her, too.
I am glad our H.S. has an appealing organized/chaperoned “After Prom” event…</p>
<p>The real tragedy is that her “friends” aren’t friends at all. It is always hard to deal with being disillusioned in people. At some point the “friends” will realize in what a shallow and idiotic manner they behaved. But by then your D will be WAY over them.</p>
<p>Why did her so-called friends give a dang how long she stayed at the party?</p>
<p>Her best girlfriends have stopped calling her? That’s really awful. They don’t sound like very good friends. I would think that most kids know who the class partiers are long before the prom. Her reaction couldn’t have been a surprise to her friends. Maybe you could plan something special to show her how proud you are of her and hopefully there are a few truly good friends she can include. If you can’t think of something, ask her; help her create her own senior get together. The first thing that comes to mind to me (I have boys) would be sending them to the big nearby amusement park for the day.</p>
<p>Good for her! And good for you for instilling the values that allowed her to make the right decision under what must have been very stressful circumstances.</p>
<p>FWIW, my D’s senior year has been marred for months by her group of “friends” being very chilly to her because she chooses not to drink/drug (not being obnoxious or preachy about it, she just has other priorities). It stinks.</p>
<p>If your daughter was strong enough to make the choice she made, she’s strong enough to get through this. I suspect what bothers her more then being excluded is that she’s probably questioning her judgment in assuming these people were friends.</p>
<p>Those of us with young daughters can only pray that ours grow up as strong as yours.</p>
<p>What a great daughter! If she’s anything like mine, she would prefer not to talk about it. I would try to make the summer a time to visit friends and family outside of high school to help distract her from disappointing HS friends.</p>
<p>She could possibly be excluded from other senior get-togethers because they are “celebrating” in a similar fashion. Just a thought -</p>
<p>My D was also uncomfortable in social situations where there was excessive drinking and other behaviors she didn’t want to participate in or observe. She was pretty much ostracized by a set of kids she had been friends with for years. She found a different set of friends who had similar interests and never looked back.</p>
<p>If it’s any consolation, my D is much happier at college than at hs. She was able to find a large group of friends who don’t rely on chemical stimulants to have a good time.</p>
<p>Is senior week almost over? Is graduation soon? What will she be doing this summer? Hopefully she’ll be able to move on to newer, better things soon, and this will all be in her rear view mirror. </p>
<p>Agree with college_query that the additional celebrations might include illicit substances, so its better that she isnt put in that situation.</p>
<p>Hopefully she will reach out to her friends to do “normal” girl stuff and this will be balanced out in perspective. Good luck!</p>
<p>After reading your post, one of my initial thoughts was “wow, imagine if she was there and the police showed up” The whole group could be arrested putting at risk their college admission.</p>
<p>The reason I thought of that was my D did not attend several after prom parties that she was invited to out of concern that there would be drugs and alcohol. She said she worked to hard to get into her dream college to risk it based on the actions of others.</p>
<p>I am proud of your daughter, she did the right thing</p>
<p>Sorry I’m no help. but it really sucks being a teenager, doesn’t it.
We really wish we could save our kids from all the slings and arrows that life throws their way. I have completely failed in this endeavor, myself.</p>
<p>You should be very proud of your daughter. What great choices she has made, In college she will find like minded friends. It is much harder in high school. She will do great. It is rare that high school friends are longterm because of this nonsense. It always upsets me that parents don’t own up to their own kids when this illegal activity is going on right under their noses. You have nothing to worry about. She is already doing great. Some of her “friends” are probably just embarrassed because she had the maturity to get herself out of that situation and they didn’t. Her true friends will come back to her. They just need more time to mature and realize the danger they put themselves in. Your daughter is way ahead of them.</p>
<p>Is there a chance you and your daughter could go on a fun trip (even for a weekend) soon after graduation?</p>
<p>I double and triple (or more) all the positive comments here, and say to your daughter, “You go, girl!”</p>
<p>Ok, I am going to take a different side because many negative things in life could be a life lesson. </p>
<p>This all will pass and she will move on. Once she feels a little bit better, I would ask her how she handled the situation. I am sure there was alcohol, pot, but I do wonder about other drugs. I could be totally wrong, but kids really are not that open about drugs. They will do it with friends they know, but not when there are a lot of outsiders. Leaving drugs aside, if your daughter was uncomfortable with alcohol and pot, she should leave. The question is when she wanted to leave, did she cause a scene and was judgmental? She could have just told her date that she didn’t feel well and needed to go home, or asked her parents to pick her up. If she made a big deal about what those kids were doing, then they would be reluctant to include her in the future, and that may be fine.</p>
<p>D1 didn’t drink at parties until spring semester senior year in HS, whereas most of her friends started much earlier. She was still invited to parties, but more often than not they went out to dinners instead. There was a short period (between 9th and 10th) when she was left out a bit because she wouldn’t join in the fun. We had a discussion about how to handle those awkward moments. I told her that she didn’t have to participate, but there is no need to preach. In college, she’s seen/heard a lot more strange things, she would just nod and smile, leave with an excuse.</p>