<p>Thats where the champagne punch comes in, I suppose.</p>
<p>Consolation, I love homemade cakes. I can’t understand why people spend a lot of money on flowers, dresses and skimp on the cake. Storebought cakes are usually yuck.<br>
Hubby and my wedding was a mix of potluck, barbeque and lots of great homemade cakes. My sis made my dress our of cotton sheeting and hubby bought a white pair of pants. Parents bought some flowered sheets for tableclothes, bought some beer, inlaws rented some tents and tables. Folks still tell us (29 plus years later), it was one of the nicest weddings they have attended. I am sure we didn’t end up paying over $1200, including our little wedding rings.</p>
<p>What could champagne punch do for my empty stomach? Want to save some money? Make your own food, flowers, skip photography, limo, get an inexpensive wedding dress, skip the honeymoon. But if you expect people to travel hours to the wedding, feed them.</p>
<p>OK.
This is pretty blunt and funny.<br>
Miss Manners’ Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding
There’s some of it on Google Books.
Punch and cake is fine.<br>
But it really says more.</p>
<p>I think that the best way to cut costs is to limit a guest list and what you want to hire out. My sister-in-law didn’t use a florist or a photographer. She bought small bouquets of flowers for each table and then put disposable cameras at each table with a note asking the guests to feel free to take pictures of themselves and others at the table. She had a buffet dinner in the church after the wedding and was able to hire a group of women who catered events at the church to provide the food. These women also made the wedding cake. There wasn’t any alcohol. I think SIL said that she spent $1000 for the entire wedding. It was a very lovely event.</p>
<p>I</p>
<p>The only expectation I have when attending a wedding, in town or far away, is that I get to witness that beautiful moment when two lives, two families, become one. The food, the cake, the flowers…eh. I won’t recall any of it years later. If I want a rubber chicken dinner, i can get that at Denny’s anytime ;-). For me, seeing that radiant couple walking down the aisle after their “I Do’s”? Priceless!</p>
<p>I can’t recall if I’ve ever been to a wedding that did not include a meal. If I knew the couple was paying for the wedding and had limited resources, then I could live without dinner. If there are truly limited resources, and I knew the tradeoff was more guests vs. a meal, I’d be OK with punch and cake. But if I’d traveled a distance, paid to stay in a hotel, and saw that money was spent on flowers, photographers, cake, music, etc,. then I would probably be peeved that I had to pay for my own dinner after the event ended. I’m with oldfort on this one – if there are people from out of town, serve a meal.</p>
<p>D is putting feeding people first.
Everything else is cut to the bone.
No wedding dress, no honeymoon.
Just food, family and friends.
:)</p>
<p>I agree with this. The punch and cake reception I was referring to that was modest - everyone was also local.</p>
<p>“Consolation, I love homemade cakes. I can’t understand why people spend a lot of money on flowers, dresses and skimp on the cake. Storebought cakes are usually yuck.”</p>
<p>Homemade cakes can be awesome. A friend of a friend made my younger brother’s wedding cake. It was a business that this person did out of her home. Each layer was a different flavor/filling. It was beautiful and tasted amazing. She only charged $150 for a 4 layer wedding cake.</p>
<p>There was a bakery near our home that was known for amazing wedding cakes at a fraction of the cost. I had them make mine and was very happy with it. It was family-owned so it was essentially a “homemade” cake in flavor and creation. </p>
<p>I, too, think it’s crazy to go overboard on The Dress and the flowers and then have to scrimp elsewhere. When I watch that Say Yes to the Dress show, those with a limited budget find dresses that are just as beautiful as the ones with huge budgets. </p>
<p>I still remember what we paid for my wedding dress (30 years ago). It was $660, which was quite reasonable at the time. My sister had a $2600 dress a couple years later. Looking at our pics, you don’t see a difference in “beauty” between the dresses. </p>
<p>
Sometimes it seems as if it’s all about the party nowadays, doesn’t it? Might that be because our society has become reconciled to the fact that 50% of marriages taking place now will end up in divorce? Hasn’t that even happened on this board? People who have paid for weddings, with a divorce soon afterwards?
Any kind of wedding can be made to seem like a gift grab, with multiple showers, engagement parties, etc.
And my head is imploding from the thought of all those thank you notes!
And were guests expected to bring a dish to the potluck? I think that crosses the boundaries of etiquette – wedding guests should not be asked to provide the food.
Of course they should have been gracious…didn’t those people bring gifts ($) for your children? </p>
<p>I agree, a wedding with many out of town guests should include something to eat. My point is…it does NOT have to be an expensive dinner. It can be a buffet, brunch, or luncheon…all less exoensive than a sit down dinner. Cake does not need to be custom made to be delicious (ymmv depending on your taste buds…but if I were looking to save mine, a $600 plus cake would go…and that is the cost around here). </p>
<p>Agreed, there are things where one can economize…flowers, favors, limo (not necessary), dress, music, invitations, alcohol, type of food served). </p>
<p>The families should set a budget and then be prepared to stick with it. That is the way to save money. Then they make choices. If the budget is $10,000 and the bride insists on a $8000 dress, clearly other things will need to be jettisoned! Choices, choices.</p>
<p>Maybe people could afford to provide better meals if their guests weren’t expecting gourmet cake. ;)</p>
<p>"but a simple formal notification of a wedding has taken place later would be just as appropriate. "</p>
<p>This is something that interests me, because in my circle nobody would ever think of a party as a “gift grab” unless you specifically called them up and say, “hi, bring me a gift.” We just aren’t so preoccupied with second guessing the intentions of our family when they throw parties, I guess. But apparently, as I have recently learned, sending wedding announcements is the exception. My mom invited some relatives to my wedding that live very far away even though she knew they wouldn’t come (they once lived nearby and we were close, but they’ve recently moved.) I asked if an announcement would be a more appropriate thing to do and my family was disgusted by the idea, they think THAT is a gift grab-- as in, why bother throwing it in their face that they weren’t invited, you are obviously just asking for a gift. I don’t necessarily know that I agree with looking at it that way, but I also don’t look at having cake and punch or an engagement party as a gift grab… I know my friends and family better than that. I don’t socialize with anybody who behaves that way. Nobody cares about gifts, these weddings and other parties are much too much money and effort to do it for the gifts. We do not “cover the plate” here. Maybe that mindset is what drives people to gift grab… perhaps it should not be so staunchly supported. There is no motivation to invite all sorts of far flung relatives and distant friends to a wedding just to get tea towels and spatulas, which is the majority of the gifts given. So perhaps it is easier to see that the motives are not ill intentioned in that case.</p>
<p>Unless bride and groom families are splitting costs 50-50, I think it’s downright cheeky for a MOG to tell a MOB how many are “in their family” that “must” be invited. MOG can wait to hear from the MOB what is the expected numbers of guests, based on MOB’s budget and venue capacity. If the MOG wants to exceed that number, she can offer to pay for all the additional costs caused by swelling the numbers. Fact is, the MOG can tell anybody in her family that MOB has an allotted number of guest spots, so everyone is making cuts, please understand. </p>
<p>I’ve been to way more weddings that did not have meals than did have meals, but many of those were in the 70s, 80s & early 90s. My parents are both oldest siblings of large families, so I can remember almost all of my aunt/uncle/parents’ cousins weddings. Most were in the church basement with cake and punch. That is exactly what my sister and I had also. The wedding was to see the merging of two families and to spend time with family and friends - just like a wedding with a sit-down dinner is. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Isn’t assuming that the quality of a private shop’s cake is automatically better than a grocery store’s product the same as saying a private college is better than a public? Are we buying the prestige or the product? When we planned our wedding, we knew what we were getting because we requested samples. NY can’t be the only state that offers them. </p>
<p>Weddings are like college in that you can go deeply into debt or choose still lovely, but less expensive options. We chose the latter. Do I regret it? No. I’m in my 40’s, own my own home, and carry zero debt. People are different, though, and have to do what makes them happy.</p>
<p>In the olden days in my Southern hometown, there was never a meal after the wedding–typically just a reception at the church. However, there was often a rehearsal dinner that included the “out of town guests.”</p>
<p>Went to a wedding this past summer - it was bigger, probably a couple hundred people - but you could do this with a smaller crowd …instead of a large wedding cake, they had a small cake on each table big enough to serve a full table generous size pieces. These served as the centerpiece as well. There were 3 or 4 “styles” but all of the same theme/color. The couple borrowed cake knives/servers and had one on each table. If know someone who bakes this would kill two birds with one stone so to speak. I thought it was a great idea. </p>
<p>That sounds lovely, abasket. Did the bride and groom have a similar (or more fancy?) cake on their table?</p>
<p>I believe that had something similar but with additional decor on the top of it - that one served the b and g and the wedding party. It was also fun to then just serve the cake “family style” from the table. After the bride and groom cut their cake and had the obligatory “taste” they cued each table to designate a cake cutter and proceed to enjoy the cake! At that point, it wasn’t necessary to have the ambience of a centerpiece anyway - people were milling around more, dancing, etc. </p>