<p>Bevhills…our wedding was one step up from cake and punch. We had some finger foods. We didn’t have the money for a $100 plus per person plated dinner with open bar, and the works. Our small gues list travelled from hither and yon to attend, and we even got gifts from family and friend’s from afar who were not in attendance. Luckily our friends and family did not expect a big shebang and meal in exchange for celebrating with us…and giving gifts. </p>
<p>My cousin had a wedding in a park and a potluck picnic to follow. People were urged to just bring themselves, a second-hand gift, or whatever they chose. We didn’t attend, but that would be another way to keep costs down. </p>
<p>Since we only paid for our guests, the cost to US wasn’t that high. My inlaws were fine with paying for their guests, as were my parents. It was a fabulous 7-course chinese sit-down meal. We paid for things other than the meals for the guests parents invited. Yes, the total cost of a great meal for 750 people runs into a LOT of $$$.</p>
<p>Where I grew up, the punch and cake thing at the church was very common. I didn’t view it as a gift grab at all. It was just how people did it. As I grew into my mid to late 20’s, people I knew started having the hor d’oeuvres buffet thing with bar service at a country club or other similar venue. </p>
<p>I never went to a sit down dinner wedding until recently.</p>
<p>"I really don’t like the kind of wedding where a lot of the guests are the parents’ friends, and the couple are allowed about 10 guests total. "</p>
<p>While I certainly agree the couple should have their own guests, I don’t really see much wrong with the parents having a couple of their friends too (assuming budget is not an issue). </p>
<p>In the same vein, when my kids had their b’nai mitzvah, they included all of their young friends of course, but there were couples there who were our friends. And indeed with both sets of grandparents, at their request, we invited a few of their oldest / dearest friends who couldn’t have been happier to kvell (and I use that word deliberately!) over their dear friends’ grandchildren’s event. My kids were gracious to these people, even though they weren’t “meaningful” to them, and I don’t regret what it cost to host them. I am frugal about a lot of things in my life, but I think it would miss the bigger picture for me to be chintzy about a few extra adults here. </p>
<p>I have FINALLY found one good thing about this awful awful winter. DIL is in love with peonies and they will bloom very late this year The wedding is June 15, so we’ll see. </p>
<p>"Well, the thing is that THEY can taste it, so it is hard to understand that others either can’t or don’t care. If one is an artisan of any kind, it is maddening that people can’t see or don’t value what you do. That’s just the way it is.</p>
<p>It’s like how most people would be perfectly happy with a Timex or equivalent, and couldn’t understand why someone would blow $$ on a $2+K watch that doesn’t look all that different to a casual glance. :)"</p>
<p>The difference is, it’s not maddening to me if someone else can’t appreciate or doesn’t value a nice watch </p>
<p>“Guests should take priority over things like fancier centerpieces and any cut offs should be consistent, ie all children of cousins or none.”</p>
<p>I come from a small family. I have 2 cousins who I barely know and have only met in person 2-3 times. H has 6 cousins, but only keeps up with 1 of them; the others, he could trip over in the street and not know them. My kids have 4 cousins - they do know all of them! OTOH, I know people who have lots of cousins and are close to them. If a family like mine were marrying one of those larger families, I think it would be silly to decree that cut-offs had to be consistent. I can’t possibly see how this is “etiquette.” </p>
<p>I’ve been to one of those traditional 7 course receptions- bride had 3 dresses. Another with the whole roast pig. I keep thinking how well many of these marriages turned out, whether the wedding was extravagant or simple. Not all, but so many. </p>
<p>The guest number and type is often more vital to families with low budgets. Lots of extended family on DH’s side. And as the cousins’ first kids got married, we were all invited. Very nice, actually. But I noticed that as the next batch of their kids got married, things toned down. </p>
<p>Where I live the punch and cookies in the church basement is common at Baptist weddings. I always brought a gift that I thought the couple would like, and never gave a thought to what the reception would or wouldn’t be. That said, I was clueless about the “cover the plate” notion. Nor did I ever feel something was a “gift grab”. </p>
<p>I didn’t expect a place setting of silver. Most of my friends gave me a few placemats or dishtowels. They were poor grade students. As it happened they got a very nice dinner, but I wouldn’t have had any compunction about inviting just as many for punch and tea.</p>
<p>Many of S & DIL’s friends were poor grad students or just starting out in jobs. S & DIL have really good jobs and can buy what they want (if they even cared about matching pots and pans or dishes, which they don’t), and were appalled at the idea of friends spending limited funds on a gift. They got some really cute homemade gifts that resonated with them, as well as some second hand books.</p>
<p>Nephew and fiancee are planning a baseball-themed wedding (he is a D-I pitcher who has gotten some pro interest). and having a BBQ. Fiancee pays for college by working in a bridal shop. She is going to be well taken care of! Fiancee’s mom passed away during middle school, so my sister has been like a mom to her forever. She and the fiancee are having a blast getting stuff organized. They have been Pinteresting this theme for years!</p>
<p>Sheesh. I did not read the entire thread… Dancing and cake - since I do not get to enjoy these things often, these are the two aspects of wedding entertainment I look forward to the most. So… Iany wedding featuring a cake baked by Consolation… I’m game! </p>
<p>Oh for heavens sake. Someone made the watch. </p>
<p>Cutting costs is obviously a personal choice. And there surely would be different items considered on a wedding costing upward of $40,000 than on a wedding costing less than $1000 (and yes that is possible).</p>
<p>When I go to a wedding, I don’t sit there adding up the dollars it cost for the families to put on the affair. I don’t care if the cake is a custom fancy schmancy cake, or a Coatco cake. I don’t care if the chocolates are handmade or store bought. I dont care if i get a full meal or punch and cookies. I don’t care! </p>
<p>I am there to celebrate the event with the couple and their families. I don’t purchase my gift with the reception cost in mind. I purchase it with the wedding couple in mind. </p>
<p>I have no problem with the discussion. But I find it offensive when the choices others make are criticized (cakes, chocolates, dinner vs, small reception, etc). This thread is about cutting costs. Not knocking the choices folks make to do so. </p>
<p>Of course, thumper! The problem is not with Costco cakes - the problem is with Costco cakes being served disguised as the artisan work of the baker who made the tiny bride and groom cake. If the Costco cake is all they can afford, it is OK. If they try to pretend that they are serving a fancy cake which it is not - well… </p>
<p>If you were having a party and planned on serving cookies and punch, would you invite people from out of town? I wouldn’t. I would serve a meal to anyone who would traveled few hours to see me. Not that a wedding (ceremony) would be any less important because only cookies and punch were served, but a simple formal notification of a wedding has taken place later would be just as appropriate.</p>
The wedding is June 15, so we’ll see. </p>