How do I save money on a wedding?

Parent Cafe
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<p>No. In fact I find the majority of cakes made by “private shops” and bakers inferior, too. It is quite possible for a supermarket cake to be equal or superior to a bakery cake. </p>

<p>Similarly, I think that most of the private colleges in the US aren’t worth paying for, and many of them are inferior to various publics.</p>

<p>I am a tough audience. :)</p>

<p>In any case, the reason I initially brought up the whole cake thing was to point out that one commonly-suggested way to save money on a wedding violates the pride in artisanship of a good baker. I get that many people do not give a flying you-know-what about that. They do not understand it at all, and prefer to make fun of the artisan’s delusion that what they do is special or worth taking pride in, or that their reputation is valuable in the least. (I wonder if that is the same in THEIR professional lives, but oh well.)</p>

<p>My view is also that having a special little cake made by a great baker displayed while the guests get the Shop and Save marshmallow creme sheet cake is like having bottles of an expensive wive prominently displayed on the “head” table, while the guests are served Gallo decanted into pitchers to disguise the origin. **My view is that if what you can afford to serve is Three Buck Chuck, that you should serve it to EVERYONE and do so with pride. **</p>

<p>I have no problem at all with having a specially decorated little cake just for all to enjoy for its prettiness, and sheet cakes of equal quality for everyone to enjoy. That is different. If people cannot understand why, I officially give up.</p>

<p>This is the last thing I have to say on the subject.</p>

<p>Abasket, I think that the “centerpiece cakes” is a GREAT idea, really charming, and a great way to save money, too.</p>

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<p>“Isn’t assuming that the quality of a private shop’s cake is automatically better than a grocery store’s product the same as saying a private college is better than a public? Are we buying the prestige or the product? When we planned our wedding, we knew what we were getting because we requested samples. NY can’t be the only state that offers them.”</p>

<p>That’s precisely what samples and college visits are for! :slight_smile: The most delicious cakes I’ve ever tasted were from tiny small businesses, usually owned by European immigrants. And the cakes were reasonably priced! Not even twice what the supermarket cake would cost.</p>

<p>This is what the big kiddo did. She and her GFs baked several batches of various delicious cupcakes (individual servings made possible to meet the dietary needs of everyone who attended), the little kiddo made a fun centerpiece, and the cupcakes were arranged in the shape of a multi-tier cake, complete with fresh flowers. The “cake” looked fabulous and was delicious! :)</p>

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<p>Actually, thinking back on it, the last several weddings I’ve been to have not had a cake. Didn’t even notice! </p>

<p>I hadn’t planned on having a cake. Not something I’ve thought about to be honest. Probably because I don’t like sweets all that much lol.</p>

<p>My mom likes to bake though and I think she’ll probably volunteer to do it. She makes a killer chocolate cake from scratch. One of the few sweets I will eat. Yummmmm
I like the idea of mini cakes at the table.</p>

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<p>My niece had a wedding this summer. She is a nutritionist. As someone who loves cake (ok, I actually LOVE frosting!!!) I have to say I was disappointed when she chose a dessert alternative. She had a small cake so that she and her groom could have something to cut and do the traditional cake bite pose, but her main dessert was whoopie pies! It was a beautiful barn wedding and there was a local whoopie pie baker extraordinare, but honestly not the same as cake!!! </p>

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<p>Every venue that I visited (yes, admittedly local…to me…and FAR more expensive that what I wanted to pay) included the cake and dance floor and valet parking) . The night before the wedding we are having a rehearsal dinner…and on Sunday I am making a brunch that everyone is invited to attend. The brunch, with 150 people will cost me about $1500 including help in the kitchen. It will be dairy (who knew that I would know so much about dairy versus meat/milk). And except for baked French toast all I have to do is have people pick up everything and bring it over.</p>

<p>I know that some people could do this as a wedding brunch.</p>

<p>Re: wedding dresses. One of our friends recently had a beautiful wedding. The budget was in the low six figures. The bride was going shopping and waked into a BCBG store. And there it was…a white floor length gown on super sale…under a hundred dollars. Beautiful!</p>

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<p>I feel extremely blessed that when I got married that neither family nor friends thought about themselves as the main focus of the wedding. The wedding was not to entertain guests, be a “money grab” or anything but celebrating love. Guests came from out of town to celebrate with us. They didn’t come to get a meal–they came to help. And they got put to work! We did have a great party! My dad bought lots of champagne! We had a ton of fun. That’s what best friends and family are for. Perhaps that’s the secret–invite your friends not acquaintances.</p>

<p>It was an 11:30 am wedding in the backyard. Gorgeous day. My dad made tapes of wedding-type music. We didn’t really have room to dance. My aunt and cousins and mom made finger food. Pretty cake, pretty flowers. Bouquets served as table decor. MOH and one bridesmaid. About 50-60 people . Friend sang and played guitar, another took and gifted the photos (I did the same for him later on). I will say it pays to have talented friends!
Well, my mom finally kicked my new groom and me out (leave already!)–nobody wanted to leave. It was Kentucky Derby day so everybody stayed LONG after to watch. Best party my parents ever had. Wish I’d been there!</p>

<p>The three friends and my sister who got married after us followed that lead. And all four weddings are really remembered to this day as being fun intimate times. My sister hired a string quartet from the college for her music-it was great.</p>

<p>The MAIN thing is that I didn’t CARE how I got married or where or how. I didn’t have huge expectations so everything made me happy. I only knew that I wanted to get married to that one special person and nothing else would ever matter. 35 years and still happy! And THAT’s the main thing!</p>

<p>So money saving tips (since that’s the thread):
Morning wedding vs later on—meal selection (morning is cheaper–breakfast brunch is great!)
Single alcohol serving vs full bar (champagne only in my case)
good friends and close family only vs who knows
music choices–band/DJ/dancing vs piped music
Flowers–use bridal arrangements as table decor
Food–how fancy? home made/catered
Venue
Photographer/Music–talented friends will cut the costs big time
Cake–this one is done to death–I don’t even like cake that much
Expectations–lower them and ENJOY the day and people around you! The event will be great–let go of being PERFECT.
If you can manage without letting loose of your budget or sanity–let mom or MIL have their way. This is most cost effective–saves on lots of therapy later on.</p>

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<p>Did not read the thread so maybe this has already been said, but I can answer the OP’s question in one word: ELOPE. But seriously, I think big fancy weddings are a big waste of money and I speak from experience, having been married three times. The third and best (and last!!) was held in a friend’s backyard with about 25 guests. There was no wedding party except for our daughters (my 3 and DW’s 1, who were ages 4 to 8 at the time). We bought them matching dresses on sale at Macy’s. We hand-wrote invitations using a picture that my artistic step-D drew and which I printed out on my home printer on card stock. Another friend performed the ceremony for free as our wedding present. For photographer, we got a high school photography student to do it as a class project. All we paid for was the film and developing. We held it at 3 in the afternoon so no one expected a meal. I bought the wine, beer, snacks, and supplies at Costco, though we did have a caterer make a few hot items and cake. We used paper plates and plastic wine glasses. For music we burned our own CD’s to play on the stereo. I think the whole affair cost less than $1,200!</p>

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<p>The problem with weddings is they have become about making a big splash rather than about the married couples.I am sure others have mentioned many of these, but one thing to remember is the wedding is about the couple, not everyone else. If the couple is paying for it, or the bride’s family, then they have the right to set the parameters, if MOG wants 200 relatives, then they should be helping to pay for it. </p>

<p>It wasn’t all that much different when we got married 25 years ago, the big splash, with the catering halls, the fountain with the champagne punch, etc, etc was the big deal…we went our own way, and the funny part is that to this day I hear from those there how much they enjoyed it, and it was about half the cost. Part of it was our wedding was relatively small (~95 people), but it also is the way we did it:</p>

<p>1)We lived near a botanical gardens, and the people running a snack bar concession also did wedding catering in a beautiful building in the middle of it…and they did the food, and it was old school good. </p>

<p>2)We supplied the booze, my family paid for that, and it was a lot cheaper than them supplying it, better quality, too. </p>

<p>3)We got the flowers, arranged for the music ourselves (found a guy who did booking, had his own jazz quartet we loved). </p>

<p>Because of the way we did it. it was half the price of what a catering hall would charge…and it worked out great. It was us. very unique, nothing like getting married under a big old tree by a river, with squirrels running around chittering, birds chirping and so forth:). </p>

<p>I agree totally with others, the point is to cheer on the new couple, so whatever you do that is within your means, it should be fine. I had one friend get married, the reception was a catered bar-b-queu that was held in one of the parent’s backyard, and everyone had a blast, and it wasn’t that expensive and it was fun (great food, too). As far as gifts go, that should always be a kind of up to the sender; these days, they look at cash gifts as being helping defray the cost of the wedding, but to be honest,I Kind of find that tacky, I would rather the couple not stress about the wedding and such, it doesn’t make sense. </p>

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<p>I love the cake for each table idea – will have to mention this to my sister.</p>

<p>We had a houseful of people the entire week before the wedding (and for most of the following week). Parents of both bride and groom, all working together to make this happen. It was WONDERFUL. My nephew (the one’s who’s getting married brought his guitar and played at our house, S2 brought out the poker chips, everyone helped with shucking corn, preparing food, tying bows on programs, etc. I hope S & DIL enjoyed the part of that they were here for, but as for the rest of us, we had a jolly good time!</p>

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<p>Wow, differences in areas…ellebud, low six figures here is NOT a wedding where someone is watching dress prices, it’s the down payment on a house. My most over the top Dallas friend’s daughter’s wedding was barely into the six figures. I must not know the right people :wink: </p>

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<p>These stories are fun.
Since our * house* didn’t even run into the low six figures.
@-)
Oldest apparently saved a boatload of money, because there is every indication that they have already gotten married. </p>

<p>I hope she had some photos taken and that someday I can see them.</p>

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<p>I think I have read the average price for a wedding around here is 20-30k-- which is lavish unless you are inviting 300 people or including an extremely extravagant honeymoon in your calculations. I am guessing the typical amount is much less but some of the wealthier towns are jacking up the average, I’d be interested to know the median. I am having a pretty fancy wedding and we won’t spend half that, gourmet organic GMO-free vegan fancyass bakery cake and all. </p>

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I guess there won’t be mimosa or bellini at the brunch. </p>

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<p>I just did a quick pricing for a wedding around NY metro area, nothing really fancy, the cost is around 50K.</p>

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<p>I don’t like liquor in the morning,
Which is why I liked book group to meet at 7pm!
;)</p>

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<p>Mean. Median is lower. The median is below 20k and includes the ring. </p>

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<p>$1500 for 150 people is a great deal, even if it is a brunch.</p>

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<p>CC did not bleep out “fancyass”? :wink: LOL!</p>

<p>$1500 for 150 folks - complete with kitchen staff is a steal! </p>

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<p>Nope, not spending 20k. For that, we could go live in Paris for a while. </p>

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<p>Another thing that just occurred to me that is a potential savings associated with the centerpiece cakes is that if the table cuts and serves their own cake, you can probably avoid the cake cutting fee–yes, believe it or not there is such a thing!–that many venues charge. I’ve read that these fees can easily be several dollars per slice. (Tiered cakes are indeed a PITA to cut, but that is robbery, IMHO.)</p>

<p>Another thing: my sister–who has married off three daughters, so she is a wedding pro–loves roses, and she found some online source where one could order roses cheaply in bulk. She also purchased a couple dozen glass vases online, and we arranged them for the tables. I don’t recall how much all this cost, but I do recall that it was a fraction of the cost of a florist. And the roses were of really super quality.</p>