<p>I would like to point out that my fancyass baker of my fancyass cake is telling me it’s impossible to put ribbons around my tiers. I researched it, found two or three methods, tested it myself, brought it in for her to see, and asked her if she had ever tried any of those techniques, and I got a one line response email two weeks later saying she can’t do it. Is this not cake decorating 101 right after frosting the cake!? I am going to be down there in my wedding gown putting ribbons on my own cake. I am so angry. This lady had nothing but 5 star reviews across the board and makes the best cake I’ve ever tasted but for all the work I’ve done FOR her I might as well have made my own stupid cake. I think she is mad I didn’t choose a more expensive design. I just want ribbons, that’s it, how is that so much to ask! I wish it wasnt too late to fire her. </p>
<p>What is the frosting made of?</p>
<p>I don’t know. It’s dairy free buttercream somehow. Part of the problem is that you can do next to nothing with it because it doesn’t set very well, the buttercream is thick but doesnt “harden” as much, which was why we went wit such a simple design. She said she could use a water proof ribbon but she doesn’t have anything close to the right color and I couldn’t find it myself either. She said she can do fondant ribbon but can only make light colors. I bought one of her cakes and applied a pre greased ribbon and it looked fine 36 hours later, but she says that it will still leave marks even if completely saturated before application. That wasnt my experience. I asked if I could provide a ribbon backed with wax paper-- no. I asked if we could put foam between the tiers and wrap the ribbon around that instead-- no. No explanation , no other suggestions, just no. Short of telling her to just frost it and leave it on the table I don’t know what else to do, I am not a baker, I am not a cake decorator, for as much as I’m paying I expected some help with this. </p>
<p>I JUST read her email and am really upset! </p>
<p>"Guests came from out of town to celebrate with us. They didn’t come to get a meal–they came to help. And they got put to work! We did have a great party! My dad bought lots of champagne! We had a ton of fun. That’s what best friends and family are for. "</p>
<p>I’m just using this as a jumping-off point, but honestly, it wouldn’t occur to me to have put my friends and family “to work.” Unless they really liked that sort of thing. I am not sure what I think of this new trend where you get to draft all your bridesmaids to make your wedding favors and decorations and what-not and they’re supposed to think it’s the funnest thing ever. I think there can be a self-absorbed or entitled mindset behind it – “oh, yes, you have nothing better to do than to spend your evenings glue-gunning rosettes to whatever.” I think all the bridesmaids (etc) should have to do is show up, walk down the aisle when requested and enjoy the rest of the evening dancing and drinking. Not be your unpaid arts ‘n’ crafts helper to indulge your inner Hobby Lobby.</p>
<p>Costco has lovely roses, bouquets and small arrangements in store, and one can special order in bulk as well. Our local Pick-Your-Own farms also have summer flowers – those work well for informal arrangements. We considered both of those until I found the floral warehouse.</p>
<p>For our county: Couples spend an average of $38,763 for their wedding. 24% spend less than $10k, 31% between $10k and 19,999, 23% between $20k-29,999 and 22% spend $30+k. The prices for individual categories are utterly insane. </p>
<p>Where my sister lives, the average cost is half of what it is here, and 46% of couples spend <$10k.</p>
<p>Consolation, I looked at our local Marriott to see what the package wedding deal would look like (several friends had held Bar/Bat Mitzvah parties there and folks seemed generally pleased with their experience), and they charged $2/per slice to cut an outside vendor’s cake. Lots of things were “extras” as well. To top it off, they charged a 22% service fee!!!</p>
<p>Man that must be some amazing cake; I would balk at paying $2 per slice of outside cake–that’s outrageous! The parties my folks have thrown at various restaurants over the past few years did NOT charge extra when we had outside cakes–for cutting or serving but believe they had an 18% service fee on the price the the meals. Dad also prefers venues that allow him to bring his own beverages with no corkage fees, which can add up, especially with 100s of guests. </p>
<p>The last party I threw was H’s retirement Sunday buffet brunch with omelet and waffle bar. It was just under $25 per adult, I believe. Don’t think I had a cake but they are fine with us bringing a cake in and wouldn’t have charged any fees associated with it–have brought in cakes previously. It was held in a private room in a county club (had a member sponsor my event). I believe they do increase prices slightly for weddings and would have reduced if we held it on another day of the week. </p>
<p>I actually haven’t asked my bridesmaids to do anything but show up and they are really confused and feel guilty and keep calling me apologizing and asking what they can do. Short of designing me a new cake before I blow a gasket, I don’t need anyone to do anything. There is nothing to do. I thought I was being a good bride by not making up a bunch of craft projects for them to do and now they feel slighted, like why ask me to buy the dress if I’m not going to get to do anything. I’ve never been a bridesmaid and I find the whole thing really bizarre.</p>
<p>DIL had two bridesmaids; one was her sister and one was a good friend of S1’s from HS (and now of DIL as well). I had all the crafty stuff done two weeks before the wedding (except the tiara), and my sister and I assembled the programs five days before the wedding – no way we could have dealt with all that stuff the last few days. (I had started making stuff five months prior in consultation with S & DIL.) </p>
<p>The bridesmaids were coming from CA and England, and didn’t do anything crafty. The CA bridesmaid came to the rehearsal dinner and the wedding since she did not get into town until late Thursday night and had to leave early Sunday to get back to the west coast. DIL’s sister was thrilled to help with cooking and to hang out with cousins- and friends-in-law. DIL did not want a hen party or a shower. Bridesmaids wore shoes and jewelry of their choice, did their own hair and makeup. Dresses were a gorgeous deep blue and easy to wear again. Neither DIL nor the bridesmaids were into the girly stuff (for lack of a better term). I believe they made a spontaneous trip to get nails done – DIL had her nails done with a techy theme, the bridesmaids’ nails were painted deep blue. They all looked marvelous and true to who they are.</p>
<p>I will admit I was a bit concerned that we were asking a lot from the folks who were staying with us (DH seriously underestimated the organization required for the catering end of things and I was not going to bail him out of it). However, they all said they had a blast (our corn shucking and stripping was epic) and it was a great time getting to know each other’s families and friends. DIL’s parents and sister were the only ones from her side there, and that week really helped them to get to know the rest of us. DIL’s mom and I are now good friends, too.</p>
<p>BTW, I may be crafty, but I do <em>not</em> have an inner Hobby Lobby! ;)</p>
<p>Ema, the bakery we used recommended grosgrain ribbon, not sheer, so that the ribbon wouldn’t pick up the butter It did not seem a big deal at all. We didn’t go that route (though we put grosgrain on the cupcake tower edging), but the baker said she did ribbon all the time. </p>
<p>Lots of people do love to get involved. And some prefer not to. It’s that simple. Look at all the folks who get fancy schmanzy about little projects for a wedding shower. Or baby shower. Or scrapbooking the photos. It just is this way for many. We just can’t put down other regional customs or other people’s preferences. We can roll our eyes, sure. But why get so upset? These events aren’t supposed to be competitive or judged so harshly by others. Let it be. Send good karma.</p>
<p>This isn’t directed at you, Ema. Your wedding will be beautiful. (Maybe you have someone put the ribbons on for you.) Click your heels 3 times and tell yourself, “It will be fine, it will be fine.” </p>
<p>Sometimes the trick can be to use wired ribbon, which doesn’t cling the same way. or, since you were already thinking of putting it between the layers, it could sit at the bottom of each layer, close enough for the look, not quite touching. Maybe you just insert a pin, out of sight in back, to hold it in place.</p>
<p>I always thought it was dependent on how big your wedding was going to be.
If you need alot of ushers, then you had a lot of bridesmaids.
But apparently the bridesmaids are there to fool the evil spirits, as to which one is getting married.
I wasnt so much worried about that.
I had my sister as maid of honor, I didnt have her do anything, as I did my hair & makeup myself.
Wiki says the maid of honor/ bridesmaids help with things the day of the wedding.
<a href=“Bridesmaid - Wikipedia”>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridesmaid</a>
Like keeping track of the grooms ring, fixing the train and making sure the getaway car has a filled tank.</p>
<p>:ar! </p>
<p>I never heard bridesmaids warded off evil spirits. But my wacky older relatives seriously believed some small snafus appeased the devil and so he stayed out of the marriage. </p>
<p>I’ve used heavy satin and grosgrain ribbon on cakes covered in fondant or chocolate ganache. I don’t remember using one on a buttercream. Rose Levy Beranbaum says that ribbon should be waterproof or grease resistant if used on buttercream. On the other hand this icing is obviously not a true buttercream since it can’t have any butter in it. I looked up some vegan “buttercream” recipes, and they are vegan shortening, confectioners sugar, some kind of vegan “milk,” and flavoring. I don’t see why that would be a problem.</p>
<p>Are you sure the cake you experimented with had the same icing? Was it chilled the whole time you had the ribbon on it? If your wedding cake is on display, it won’t be chilled for a couple of hours. The icing will soften. </p>
<p>At this point, I think you either have to buy ribbon and just have your bridesmaids or someone else put it on after the cake is delivered, or you have to consider decorating it with fresh flowers instead. They can be inserted in the cake with flower sinkers. One alternative that MIGHT work out would be to have long trailing ribbons affixed to a small bouquet on the top layer. You’d have your ribbons, but they would only touch the icing here and there.</p>
<p>BTW, what color(s) are you looking for?</p>
<p>Consolation, do the flowers have to somehow be food safe? Not treated or? </p>
<p>I don’t think so. You don’t want to use any that are actually poisonous, of course. 
If the are stuck into the cake, you use flower sinkers, which are little closed tube things filled with water. Keeps the flowers fresh, and protects the cake from whatever might be in the flower stem. I don’t think laying a little bouquet wrapped in ribbons on the top would endanger anyone.</p>
<p>I think many flowers are grown organically, and most are edible as far as i know. You can even eat some bulbs!
Flowers sound really nice, but ema probably already has her design in mind.
I like the bouquet with the trailing ribbons idea.</p>
<p>“Lots of people do love to get involved. And some prefer not to. It’s that simple.”</p>
<p>Oh, I agree. What I don’t care for is a mandate. If you know your bridesmaids would love to do that stuff, that’s great! I myself used to calligraphy invitations for my girlfriends’ weddings years ago (a skill I have long since lost, alas). But I <em>volunteered</em>, since I liked doing it, she had seen my work before, and her budget was tight. She didn’t <em>expect</em> me to finish her invitations. That’s the difference.</p>
<p>But a lot of the bridal-porn industry seems to suggest that you should grab 10 of your closest friends and waste <em>their</em> evenings and weekends gluing together cr<em>p for *your</em> event. And I don’t think that’s a nice way to treat friends. </p>
<p>I remember I didnt want to have to decide which friends to ask to be a bridesmaid.
I was very young (23 and a young 23 at that) and I couldn’t read people very well.
At that age, being a bridesmaid is still fun, not a chore (& I would have let them wear what ever they wanted, just with my colors) but I didnt want to have 10 bridesmaids just so no one felt left out, hence my sister as the maid of honor.
She likes to do crafty stuff, so she made her dress. She picked the material and the pattern, and she looked beautiful. </p>
<p>
That’s fascinating - I never knew that before! My kids will get a kick out of it.</p>
<p>In our family, the bridesmaids’ primary duties have evolved to include some or all of the following: They help at the shower, either by writing down who gave what or making those goofy but fun paper plate bouquets with bows from the gift wrappings. One bridesmaid hosted the shower in her home, and the others helped with the set-up/clean-up. On the day of the wedding, they kind of clump around the bride and get her through the pre-ceremony part: making sure the bride has someone to talk to, bringing her stuff (including food and a Bloody Mary, if desired), telling her she looks great. </p>
<p>And they plan and attend a bachelorette party, which I think is a relatively new custom. They weren’t doing them 35 years ago when I got married (or if they were, I never heard of them). This is not one of my favorite aspects of the process, but it seems awfully important to some folks.</p>
<p>I used to do calligraphy too!! Did my own wedding invitations. But alas have also lost the touch. Thank heavens for computer font, though hand done is classy.</p>