<p>Thanks for posting the link. Ema looks beautiful. Can’t wait for S1’s wedding next year.</p>
<p>Beautiful bride E!!! I wish you a lifetime of love and happiness!</p>
<p>Note to all: I have thrown my hands in the air. MOB and bride went to the venue to work out their situation. There will be about 160 for a sitdown dinner and dancing. I said fine…but you must pay for your extra guests. She’s not happy…but agreed to pay the extras.</p>
<p>I did suggest the venue provided centerpieces (note to all that they are gorgeous…candles and rose petals)…nope. They would rather have “real” centerpieces…I’m done.</p>
<p>Found my dresses (going to a total of three weddings in the next six months!). Smile baby!</p>
<p>Who gets the bill from venue (and does it have to be paid in advance?)? If you’re paying for most of the reception (minus MOB’s extra guests), then is the contract in your name? What’s to stop MOB from not paying you her share? Do you think that she will ever pay her part, or is she thinking you won’t pursue it in the interest of family harmony for the b&g’s sakes? </p>
<p>I’d have sympathy for someone who could only afford a very modest wedding being pushed to pay for all kinds of expensive things and a large number of guests by future inlaws with a lot more money, or just different expectations, but the reverse is simply bizarre! What is it with these people?</p>
<p>the bill is paid for in advance. Two weeks ahead of the event. The thing is, if at the time of the bill payment she can’t/won’t pay…I will cut the “list” to kids’ lists, my list and a table or two for her out of city or country lists. And we will be done. </p>
<p>II know I sound heartless, but I’m not. And I have many saved emails. So…this will work. It has to work…</p>
<p>What does your future DIL think of all this?</p>
<p>Yikes, this sounds like a nightmare, bev. Best wishes to it all turning out well. </p>
<p>The bride always dreamed of a large wedding. Initially she wanted the big wedding. She knows why we aren’t doing the big shebang. For some people this is the show that I should remember. So…this has been a nightmare. Our initial budgetwas35. I believe that we are at 55. Stupid…Imagine what that $25,000 could have been to a down payment fund?</p>
<p>I must be weird. I cannot imagine “dreaming” about proms and big weddings.</p>
<p>Clearly, my high-maintenance girly-girly credentials are sub par. :)</p>
<p>^^^ Me too.</p>
<p>Same, consolation. Lol</p>
<p>Wow. I mean, we went a little over our 10K budget by a little bit and I worried. That IS a lot! Hopefully it will be just beautiful!</p>
<p>We live in an urban area. It is an expensive area. The cost per person is high. Tp bring cost down we would have to do a destination wedding…which is expensive as well. I know that New York city would have been FAR more expensive. A little town in New Hampshire would be less. So that is how we got here. </p>
<p>I really didn’t “dream” of my someday wedding. My girls haven’t dreamt about their wedding. </p>
<p>Did she “dream” of writing the check for her own wedding?? Sheesh!</p>
<p>Bevhills, You have my sincere sympathy. If the centerpieces provided are lovely, and bride and MIL want more, kindly tell them you are over budget; if they want something more, they must pay the difference. Smile and nod. </p>
<p>Personally, I would be concerned about this bride. I had a male client from wealthy family, paying for wedding 100%. The bride pushed the envelope to the extent that his sweet, loving mother began to protest. He called off the wedding. He realized his g/f was never satisfied with his gifts, her jobs, and the wedding highlighted her insatiable quests for more and lack of contentment.</p>
<p>I’m not implying your son has the same dilemma. In fact, I hesitate to even post this one anecdote. It could well be the future MIL is behind the extravagances.</p>
<p>I am learning so much from these wedding threads. I realize I’ve always been in control of every party I’ve planned. My mom helped with planning son’s Bar Mitzvah. For example, we found invitations that were lovely and fit son’s criteria. Then, we saw 1 that looked exactly like a computer print-out. It costs a lot more, and mom said if he liked that one much better, she’d pay the difference. Naturally, son’s face lit up when he saw that invitation. He was excited when the shop owners showed him chocolate laptops and how they would make centerpieces with his favorite computer game figures. Other things were choices for me, like cappuccino station or ice cream bar. I never started with a set budget. I would shop and learn what things cost. Only on some items I would splurge.</p>
<p>I have a friend whose 2 sons are getting married a few months apart. First wedding is being paid for by the bride’s family who has the ability to make it a very nice event, and it will be. The second wedding my friend is paying for 100%, because the bride’s family live out of town, far away, and have no $. But, the bride #2 is seeing everything that is being done for the first wedding and wants the same. Ouch for my friend. She is being pushed into spending more than they’d like in order to keep everyone happy. It is an uncomfortable situation to be in.</p>
<p>My DS#1 and his fiancee are looking at wedding venues. I am smiling and nodding. They’ve seen one so far, will see several more this weekend. They want an outdoor wedding in natural settings. I bit my tongue when we were told the first venue has cabins for the immediate family. My H’s question was “does the toilet have a flush handle?” He is a camper. but knows that I need a place to plug in my hair dryer!</p>
<p>S1 and FDIL are paying for their wedding themselves, and have just signed the contract for the venue. We have asked to be informed about the photographer’s contract, not to choose him, but to be sure we can get the photos and prints. We also told them we’d pay for our photos. Other than paying for the rehearsal dinner, they don’t want any help from us. Compared to some of your experiences, we’ve lucked out.</p>
<p>
How many of the 160 guests are MOB’s demanded guests that she will pay for? If you are paying $55,000, how much is the MOB going to pay? What happens if she tells you the check is “in the mail” and then it never comes? Or it bounces? Sounds like future dil might be in cahoots with her mother. Or else she doesn’t know how to tell her that since she’s not paying she can’t make demands. You mentioned earlier that MOB spent all the funds on her son’s wedding. ? Did she pay for that wedding? </p>
<p>To me, 160 guests <em>is</em> a big wedding. :)</p>
<p>Since this will be a wedding in the Jewish tradition, will most of the gifts be cash? If so, the bride can help pay for her family’s extra guests. after the fact</p>
<p>Consolation, that means 1/2 will come out of bevhill’s son’s pockets.</p>
<p>I assume bevhills will tell MOB that her checks are due several weeks before they really are. I’m thinking of the Lying thread and the GM that always came late. I also shouldn’t assume she’s a greedy person, more like a child who sees and wants pretty things, uncaring about price.</p>