<p>NorthMinnesota,
Can’t you simply give them a headcount limit and tell them that any over that they will need to pay for themselves?</p>
<p>Actually PG, what probably drives most bakers nuts is the realization that it’s only a CAKE. And that it’s the last thing served, and most of it IS for show (the pretty “cake” on display, plus the cutting business). </p>
<p>Now…back to saving money. A great amount can be saved on the clothing by shopping around. This includes the wedding party as well as the MOB, MOG, and dads. You don’t need a $10,000 bridal gown to have a lively wedding. </p>
<p>This is all so interesting to read as someone who has NOT planned a wedding besides my own 30+ years ago (and was honestly done without much thought - “ok, this is what everyone does, so I guess that’s what we do!”). Potential for a wedding to happen in our family in the next couple of years though, I suppose. Neither my S or his GF have a lot of $$$ and both are pretty frugal but will want a simple, pretty wedding with good food (good, not necessarily FANCY). So when thinking about saving costs, my mind wants to break it down into areas of costs:
- wedding party apparel (dresses, tuxes, etc.)
- invitations
- wedding/after party venue costs
- photographer
- decorations (service decor, reception decor)
- reception main food - whether finger foods, brunch, full meal, etc.
- reception dessert/cake - (really, it’s all about the wedding cake!!)
- reception drinks - alcohol or non-alcohol
- reception music
-
of invites
- honeymoon</p>
<p>What other biggies (optional or essential) am I missing??? Probably sounds too simple, but I want to make a list like this, prioritize and then apply cost cutting measures based on the couple’s wants and $$ availability. </p>
<p>edited to add in reception music</p>
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</p>
<p>Well, the thing is that THEY can taste it, so it is hard to understand that others either can’t or don’t care. If one is an artisan of any kind, it is maddening that people can’t see or don’t value what you do. That’s just the way it is. </p>
<p>It’s like how most people would be perfectly happy with a Timex or equivalent, and couldn’t understand why someone would blow $$ on a $2+K watch that doesn’t look all that different to a casual glance. :)</p>
<p>It’s like how many people would be happy with a pretty hand-me-down or $300 wedding dress, and could not understand why someone else would spend $10K on something to wear once.</p>
<p>BTW, don’t get me wrong. <em>I</em> would not spend $1.5K on a wedding cake, no way, no how. (Of course, I would make it myself if at all humanly possible. 
) For one thing, I am so not into those elaborate sugar flowers that cost a fortune, a la Sylvia Weinstock. (I’m sure her cakes cost FAR more than that! She’s an artist, but no.)</p>
<p>In terms of saving money, DIY is one of the obvious options. I would think that the honeymoon is the financial responsibility of the B&G, but it is an opportunity for major savings if they are willing to forgo a resort or something like that. (Nothing wrong with a camping trip…)</p>
<p>abasket, there is also a fee for the officiant. If the venue is a church, there is probably also a fee for the organist. If you don’t want the organist to play, there is what is known as a “bench fee” that compensates him or her at a lower level. (This is because organists are typically grossly underpaid, and make up some income by playing at rites of passage in their church.) These are separate from the cost of using the church itself.</p>
<p>There is also the cost of music at the reception, which is normally not included in the venue fee. And there may be rentals, which also involve another vendor, and can be very expensive.</p>
<p>I can taste the difference between cakes, I just dont like it enough to care.
I have very sensitive taste buds & even in cakes from fancy shops, I can taste the baking powder.
Blech.
Pie however I can get behind.
:)</p>
<p>D apparently has chosen a venue, she is going to have it in a friends back yard, as the food is more important than the place & they couldnt afford both.
Its too bad they dont want to come to Seattle, I have arbors & trellises & would have made a lovely setting.</p>
<p>This is a total digression, but this latest discussion reminded me of a thread from a few years back (can’t find it on this new format) of the ugliest wedding cakes. Cant find the ones linked then, but here are a few doozies <a href=“http://www.weddingclan.com/ugliest-wedding-cakes.html”>http://www.weddingclan.com/ugliest-wedding-cakes.html</a></p>
<p>On the cake issue: I don’t care about cake one way or the other, but I can see why the maker of a fancy cake wouldn’t appreciate it if a much cheaper cake was also served with the implication that it came from the same source. </p>
<p>I also find this all interesting as I haven’t planned a wedding in 25 years! </p>
<p>I’ve noticed in the past year more threads about weddings and engagements - guess our college kids are growing up! I am curious about one thing - how old are most of you or your kids that are getting engaged or married? I have a feeling my older son may be heading down that road in the next few years… :x </p>
<p>Hunt…gotta ask. Do folks put the name of the bakery next to the cake at weddings? I would have NO IDEA where the fancy vs served cakes were baked when attending a wedding. And my guess is neither would anyone else.</p>
<p>abasket-- I am looking at your list and comparing it to mine. I have a DJ that is doing the music for both the reception and the ceremony. You’re missing the officiant, which could be more expensive than you expect-- mine was. Not a necessity, but I also wanted a video. I’d planned to hire a student or someone very inexpensive, since I’d have accepted a family video if we’d known anyone with a camera to take it for us, but we waited too long to book and couldn’t find anybody that inexpensive who was available so it ended up costing $1600 or so for six hours-- which was a bargain, all the other quotes I was getting were anywhere from 3k to 20k which was laughably high. Brings me back to my point of BOOK EARLY, if I had booked early I could have gotten it done for just a few hundred or less. We had a similar problem with photographer, the really good amateurs or less expensive pros book very, very early-- a year out or more. Expect that a photo album, if you want one, will be extra-- photography prices have not come down since years past and though now the packages come with discs the album is now extra, the photos on the disc may or may not be retouched, and you have to make sure you get printing rights or the disc is useless. </p>
<p>There is also the cost, if you choose to have them, for rehearsal dinner, shower, engagement party, bachelorette party, etc. Clothes for attending any of these parties if you need/want them, any hosting you might do when wedding party comes into town for any of the aforementioned events or dress fittings, etc. Hair, make up, nails, shoes, jewelry, unless you do your own and already have what you need. Then there are the little things which may fall in with decor, guest book, unity candle or sand, escort cards, card box, aisle runner, any rentals you need for any of these things-- some brides at my venue apparently like to rent an easel to use for a seating chart or their guest book. Any materials you need for any DIY crafts you intend to make. Favors, if you want to do them. Small thank-you gifts for wedding party are customary. Save the dates if you want to do them, stationary for thank you cards. LOTS and LOTS of stamps. If the bride wants one, make sure to budget for the veil or any other headpieces-- they can be expensive and it can be an unexpected expense. Another unexpected expense can be whatever undergarments are necessary for under the dress. We wanted to get engagement photos taken (optional), but this is often included with the wedding photography package-- mine wasn’t but it was very reasonably priced.</p>
<p>And of course, for the bride and groom, they must budget for rings! If the groom wants gold it is VERY, VERY expensive. A lot of men these days like some of the alternative metals, though, which can be MUCH cheaper. My fiance likes tungsten, which runs about $150-$300-- but it can’t be resized, which I hate. The company has a lifetime guarantee and will exchange for a different size if he gets too fat for it. 
We were pleasantly surprised at how very inexpensive my wedding band turned out to be, diamonds and all. And in my experience, the nicer the jeweler, the better the quality, AND the better the price. Don’t go to the mall store thinking you’re going to save money or thinking you can’t afford a nice jeweler, it’s the opposite. And another expense for bride and groom-- insurance for the rings.</p>
<p>I also needed to get my first passport for our honeymoon, which was a little more expensive than I was anticipating.</p>
<p>SO, SO much really is “optional,” and it varies who pays for what. These are just some things to think about. </p>
<p>thumper, according to what I have heard, people are fairly often asked who made the cake, especially by those who are planning a future wedding. People might also ask the caterer after the fact, since usually the cake comes from a specialty vendor. </p>
<p>
Keep that guarantee in a safe place. Even if he doesn’t get fatter, his knuckles may get larger. My wedding band now fits on my pinky (primarily due to fatness, but my knuckles are bigger, too).</p>
<p>*am curious about one thing - how old are most of you or your kids that are getting engaged or married? I have a feeling my older son may be heading down that road in the next few years… *
My daughter who is getting married will be 32 this spring.
They timed the wedding for after her fiance finished grad school. ( she finished a couple years ago). He is a veteran & just turned 35.</p>
<p>S1 and DIL’s photographer was $950 plus an extra copy of the CD for me. Cake/cupcakes wound up running $425.
DIL’s dress was under $600, and then she changed into the green dress she wore for the civil ceremony the previous summer for the reception.</p>
<p>We were glad to have spent $$ on the serving crew – they were thoroughly professional and enabled us to enjoy the reception instead of running trays and cleaning up afterwards.</p>
<p>I am not happy that the ring can’t be resized, but he really wants tungsten. It feels heavy and he likes that. I can’t really afford the gold and certainly can’t justify it if it’s not even what he wants. I liked the idea of him wearing the exact same ring forever and never having to get a different one, but this is just the first of many marital compromises I guess.</p>
<p>We’ll be just about to turn 25 and 30 when we get married. My fiance’s brother is getting married and they are 25 and 27. My cousin who just married is late 20’s, as is his wife. My friends are all around 25 and nobody else is even talking marriage yet. </p>
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</p>
<p>In the etiquette world, the guest list comes first, lists are divided fairly without respect to who is payng what, then a budget is planned according to that. Guests should take priority over things like fancier centerpieces and any cut offs should be consistent, ie all children of cousins or none. But the practical answer is that your FSIL should relay the message to his parents about any limitations. </p>
<p>Roshke…isn’t it Bevhills SON who is getting married? Her FDIL needs to convey the info to her parents.</p>
<p>Sometimes there is the cost of rehearsal dinner, transportation (some rent limos), sometimes lodging if you are helping house some of attendees. When we planned, they honeymoon was on the bridal couple and not in the budget for anyone else to think about. </p>
<p>We really felt that everyone paying for the guests they invited worked well, so no one was having to pay for another’s guests and they would keep costs and their budget in mind when formulating their guest list. We paid for guests we invited, my folks paid for those they invited and inlaws paid for their guests. Dad invited and had the large majority of guests, but it made him happy and he could afford it, so it worked for all of us, as everyone had the guests they wanted and no one resented having to pay for someone else’s guests. </p>
<p>Regarding “matching” sides in invitations: I would think that really depends on the size of the families. After a guest number is established–which would probably involve input from both sides–it is up to each family to decide where to cut. If you have a huge family and are not in control of the budget, style, and venue, you are just going to have to decide between inviting all of the first cousins and their children, or inviting only the aunts and uncles.</p>
<p>Actually, one would hope that the couple would talk about this with their parents in the first place, and try to find a compromise that would make it nice for everyone. </p>
<p>I really don’t like the kind of wedding where a lot of the guests are the parents’ friends, and the couple are allowed about 10 guests total. A friend of mine had a wedding like that. It was planned by her mother totally without regard for her preferences. Afterwards, her mother informed her that the wedding–which was essentially a party for the parents’ friends-- was their wedding present. :)</p>
<p>My nephew just got married at 25. The bride looked gorgeous in a dress she got at the evening gown section of Macy’s. (She’d gone to a bridal store first and they were so snooty, she left.)</p>