I’m opening this new thread in case people would like to discuss the general issues of harassment, lack of boundaries, inappropriate comments and actions, and so on, without getting into the cases of particular celebrities and politicians. I was molested at age 14 by a family member, had my breasts commented on by a coworker when I was in college, and was stalked briefly by a stranger after I graduated from college. I want my body to be mine, and everyone else’s to be their own. How can we change the culture(s)?
I was always uncomfortable when people would want to hug my kids when they didn’t want to be hugged, even if by close not creepy relatives. I taught my kids that they decide who touches them.
However, this is not a “women’s problem.” This is a problem with men and boys who don’t respect boundaries.
I don’t think it’s a women’s problem. I think it’s everyone’s problem. Men and boys can be victims and women, on rare occasions, are aggressors.
Teaching our young sons what the boundaries are, how to read body language, and generally to be respectful of everyone, not just women, but especially young girls and women. As a society, we spend loads of time teaching our daughters how and when to say NO but many don’t spend the same amount of time with their sons giving the same information. In fact, sometimes just the opposite – young men are often congratulated and held in high esteem by others based on their conquests.
While I’m sure some will slam me for this and by no way am I blaming harrassment and molestation victims, but…we as a society need to also teach young women to respect themselves and to think of themselves as more than a bill board for “sexy”. A little modesty goes a long way. Too many young girls (getting younger every day it seems) are portraying themselves as an easy target by the way they hold themselves, the clothes they wear, their attempts to look older by way of makeup and such, and by their spoken words, both literally and via social media.
I was wearing a g.d. baseball uniform when I was molested.
I don’t wear make-up. I don’t even own any. I wear “conservative” clothes. I still have gotten harassed. I was still assaulted.
It’s a problem with men, not women. Men who harass, molest, etc will do it REGARDLESS of what she’s wearing.
I don’t know what the answer is. It starts young though. It starts with not forcing children to hug/kiss or receive hugs/kisses if they don’t want to. It starts with not allowing children to get away with touching each other or picking on each other because “he LIKES her,”
I was in the throes of an eating disorder when I was molested. I was as far from “sexy” and “attractive” as a person can be.
Boys have bad experiences too. 50 years ago. Peewee football. No need for details. Decades later I learned why a particular priest spent so much time with our scout troop. Taught my sons how to handle such situations.
On a positive note, I preached to them that respect for women is the central tenet of Humanae Vitae. They get it … you don’t want to be the guy who messes with their daughters.
Hope a Congressional intern releases names of those who use tax dollars for hush money.
I have never even gotten used to the now social norm of hugging instead of shaking hands in a social situation. I just want to say hi without touching or shake hands. I don’t want to do the European double cheek face kiss or hug someone I barely know.
This is so offensive. Do you think boys aren’t victimized? Do you think that whacko Aunt Ethel forcing a hug on 10-year-old Johnny isn’t also sending a message to HIM about not respecting one’s body and boundaries? The way to begin teaching anyone how to respect others’ bodies and boundaries is by showing respect to his body and boundaries, as well.
That is an absolutely shocking, hateful, biased statement. Not what I am used to seeing from you at all.
And yet, both Johnny and Susie were victimized by Aunt Ethel, but Johnny grew up to abuse women and Jennifer didn’t grow up to abuse either women or men.
Wow. Just wow.
Women are sometimes abusers. The best way to teach someone not to abuse another’s body is by respecting him and his body.
I absolutely think boys and men can be victimized.
Women are sometimes abusers, but the vast, vast, vast majority of abusers are men. Look at all the recent accusations. Some men are accusers, some women are accusers, no woman is accused.
I don’t have a daughter but both H and I talked to our about the importance of treating girls with respect from a very young age and drilled into him that “No means no.” He also saw first hand the respect H treats me with and every other woman, including his colleagues.
Son went to an all boys high school where a kid was expelled when over heard telling his mother to fill in the blank in the parking lot.
It is absolutely true that the vast majority of abusers are men. A male republican resigned today as a result of abusing another man.
I read frequently about female teachers who abuse boys. There was a prosecution only this week. Someone I met in an online breastfeeding forum 20 years ago was arrested and convicted of significant abuse of young boys. It really, really, really does happen that boys and men are victimized. It really, really, really does happen that women victimize. If we are going to say (which we should) that all abuse is horrific, then we have to believe that all abuse is horrific and not marginalize or ignore any victims. It’s not particularly pretty to discriminate against any victim or to pick and choose which abuse to be bothered by based on a personal agenda.
On another thread about this I said my roommate was a metoo. He was molested by his boy scout troop leader.
So yes, I know boys and men can be victims. But there is a reason why most (not all) abusers are male and why most (not all) victims are female. To ignore that would be, imo, wrong and wouldn’t help towards fixing the problem.
I’ve recently seen a lot of reports in the news about female teachers having relations with their male students. No one who does this, women or men, should be excused.
1 in 4 females experience sexual abuse while 1 in 6 males experience sexual abuse. While these numbers show that women are more likely to experience sexual abuse, the numbers for males is far from small.
^^
He did a program with my S’s hockey team. Love him – he gets it.