<p>I am 53 and helping my Mother arrange a milestone birthday party for my Dad. Because it is a surprise, I am interacting via email with many of my parent’s friends that I don’t know that well. I feel odd using their first names but also feel odd calling them Mr or Mrs.</p>
<p>Since I will be seeing most of them at the party, I was wondering what others have done in the same situation.</p>
<p>I grew up calling my parents’ friends by first names. My H grew up calling them Mr and Mrs X. We sort of stick with where the relationship originated. </p>
<p>I think at this age it’s fine to use first names. It’s not vestigial from when you were a kid, as it is with my H and his parents’ friends. </p>
<p>My kids address my friends as Miss Jane and Mr. John. It’s not as formal as Mrs. Smith and Mr. Smith, but it allows for respect just by virtue of the fact that they are much older. I also feel uncomfortable calling my parents’ friends by their first names, so this compromise works for me.</p>
<p>These are people in their 80’s, perhaps? If I (also in my 50s) grew up calling my parents’ neighbors (for example) Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I would continue with that. Or ask them what they want to be called. The older generation was used to more formality and may prefer being called Mr./Mrs. by “younger” folks or people who are not their own close friends. I know some older people who get offended if you call them by their first names. Others insist on first names only. Start with Mr./Mrs.–and see if they say, “Please call us John and Mary!”</p>
<p>How do you think your parents would introduce you to these people today, if you were to meet them in person? Imagine that you went to dinner and ran into your parents and these people at the same restaurant. Would they say “I’d like you to meet Mr and Mrs Smith,” or would they say “I’d like you to meet Joe and Betty”? </p>
<p>When I’m talking with my parents’ friends, I call them Mr. and Mrs. __ until they ask me to adress them by their first names. When I lived in the South, women were often addressed as Miss Jane. I didn’t care for it because men were never addressed that way, but when I had teachers who wanted to be addressed as “Miss Betty,” that’s the name I used. If I’m not sure, ask.</p>
<p>I don’t care for the Miss Firstname, myself; it sounds like a preschool teacher; but my friends who were raised in the south have directed their kids to call me that instead of my first name, which is fine. As long as there is no “ma’am” involved, I’m good 
(I subscribe to the northern POV that ma’am is a term you use with a stranger with whom you want to stay at arm’s length, not to someone who you actually know / have a relationship with.) </p>
<p>Ditto post 6–but men WERE addressed that way also.Mister “First name” was/is common.</p>
<p>Brings back memories of my dad calling my elementary school friend “Mr. Jim.” He now calls all four of his grandsons “Mister,” I suspect because he doesn’t want to get their names wrong.</p>
<p>I tend to use older people’s first names now, maybe because I live in the northeast. I do have a couple of former teachers as Facebook friends, and they use their first names when they send me messages.</p>
<p>We always used the Mr,/ Ms. First Name at work (not at social functions). We were friends (had a great office) but it maintained a certain level of respect. Made things very easy. Especially since we were close in age between boss/employee. </p>
<p>But my parents friends (all gone now sadly) were always Mr/Mrs Last Name. That’s just from yesteryear and the custom. </p>
<p>Echoing others here, I was taught to address any adult as Mr/Mrs/Miss until they requested I use their first name. I still follow this rule with those older than I am and usually when dealing with anyone in a professional relationship.</p>
<p>In our rural southern locale, my husband is Mr. first name to younger neighbors and those working for us. Their choice, not his.</p>
<p>I can count on one hand the people I’ve called Mr. or Mrs, since I was 30.
Both kids attended schools where virtually all the teachers went by first names or Mr or Miss first name.
My parents are deceased, but I call people twenty or thirty years older than myself by their first name unless they request otherwise.</p>
<p>Really? I’m 63 and Mom is 93 and I definitely call her friends by their first names, have ever since I reached adulthood.</p>
<p>I’m 58 and my parents are in their 80’s. I still call their friends Mr and Mrs and will do so unless asked to otherwise. Haven’t been so far.</p>
<p>My kids are now in their 30’s. Their friends still call us Mr and Mrs except for just a few. My DIL met my son when they were 15. So she called us Mr and Mrs. for nine years until they were married. It took her quite a while to get comfortable with our first names. Her sister who is older and 32 still calls us Mr and Mrs. </p>
<p>I think you should wait until they ask you to use first names. </p>
<p>First names, now that I’m an old lady too. </p>
<p>For the most part, I have called my parents’ friends by their first names after I graduated from college. There are quite a few who I called by first name since I was a little kid,</p>
<p>I thought about this some more and think there is no universal answer. (Though I have really enjoyed all the points of view here!) It is going to depend on geographical, cultural, social group norms. What is appropriate in one group, will be seen as insulting in another. So deega needs to figure out what is the norm among her parents’ friends. So just ask Mom. : ) Also, there has been a bit of discussion in my house lately about the use of salutations in emails. Is just “hi” okay? Is a salutation even necessary? Again, there will be differing standards. I have always been in groups where it is better to err on the side of formal. However, I’ve never lived on the west coast. ; )</p>
<p>My husband joined his father’s medical practice and to distinguish the two they were known as Dr Lastname (FIL) and Dr Firstname (H). It fit his sort of Doogie Howser persona. When my FIL retired, the Dr Firstname stuck with H and that’s how most patients refer to him. He thinks it’s friendly. I could do without it, it’s a little twee for my taste, but it’s not my call to make. </p>
<p>"So deega needs to figure out what is the norm among her parents’ friends. So just ask Mom. : ) "</p>
<p>That’s exactly why I said - if you bumped into your mom and these friends, how would she introduce them to you? Would she say I’d like you to meet my friend Betty or my friend Mrs Smith? I know my mom would always say Betty, so there’s my answer, but deega’s mom may be different! </p>