<p>It hasn’t happened yet, but I expect it between now and Valentine’s Day. Just wondering how you all celebrated? Large engagement party? Small, intimate dinner for families to meet? My D and I are already at odds over this and it hasn’t happened yet. Good luck to me when the wedding is planned.</p>
<p>I haven’t had a child get engaged yet. I think when I do, I will let the engaged couple take the lead as to how to announce it. I would decide how much money I was willing and able to contribute (depending on how much I had and how much I agreed with their plans) and then let them figure out how to pay for anything beyond what I gave them.</p>
<p>Those are all great tips! I was thinking about the engagement, specifically, rather than the wedding. My daughter has this idea of a big, honking engagement party along the lines of some people’s weddings. I want none of that, but I was wondering if that is the norm and how other people came to meet the fiance’s family.</p>
<p>When I was engaged, my office threw us a nice small party–no gifts. It was a nice chance to bond away from work. I’m sure my folks had a meal with my future in laws and us as well. </p>
<p>My nieces have had meals with both sets of parents (theirs and future inlaws) and all the sibs of the engaged couple (who were in town). No other celebrations for engagements that I can recall for my extended family. </p>
<p>My family and my circle of friends don’t do big announcement or engagement parties, I doubt my kids will want one. If they come home with the idea of having one, then I would likely assume it came from the other family or that my kid had lost their senses.</p>
<p>In any case, talking about parties or weddings, or whatever, I only contribute what I want to contribute. If they want it bad enough they figure out the rest. I don’t argue with whether or not they should do it, they can if they want to and can afford it. It is their life. I only offer them whatever gift I feel like giving. (for example, my D is in Cuba this semester. This is her 2nd semester abroad. I paid for the first one. I told her, great, Cuba would be a great learning experience. I have already paid for one. Go if you want to, but I am not paying for it. She figured it out and went without me paying a cent.)</p>
<p>
Maybe I’m just cynical, but I get irritated by the narcissism of having party after party after party after party leading up to a wedding-- we “get it” that a couple’s in love. By too many parties seems like gift-fishing.</p>
<p>The multi-billion dollar wedding industry keeps inventing innovative new “traditions” to make families empty their pockets.</p>
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I agree and that was what I was gently tiptoeing up to. My family does a small thing, like a family dinner or something for both sides to meet, but the boyfriend’s family typically does the big engagement party in a hall. I want none of that. </p>
<p>Engagement parties in a hall…not on my dime. A nice dinner out is appropriate with engaged couple and future in laws. If they want a big party, they can throw it but I would be worried about the actual wedding expectations. </p>
<p>My daughter got engaged in June. We’re having dinner with his parents maybe two days before the wedding which will be our first chance to meet them. Otherwise, that’s it.</p>
<p>I’m not paying for any such thing and my daughter knows it. His mother (I think) will pay. They will have 50 or so people, we will have three. Also, my daughter has the idea that she wants all of us to be friends. we are polite people and, I think, helpful and kind, but have no interest in becoming friends with his family.</p>
<p>Our daughter eloped in January and had a party in June.
Personally, I do not know anyone who has had or even attended an engagement party.
What made the topic come up?</p>
<p>Would your relsationship with your daughter be hurt if you don’t go to the big thing while making plans to meet the inlaws in a smaller setting?</p>
<p>I’m not sure. As I said, it hasn’t happened yet.</p>
<p>My son and DIL were married last year. Neither mentioned anything about an engagement party, and we didn’t do anything. I did have the brides parents over for dinner. (no kids) That was really fun.
They each had bachelor and bachelorette parties with their friends. Then a wedding and a great honeymoon. No showers or anything.
I think that was enough for them.</p>
<p>I vote for intimate dinner for just the couple and the parents, and a Facebook announcement</p>
<p>I don’t even get a vote, GMT! The groom’s family seems determined to have a huge engagement party. They do that for everyone.</p>
<p>" have no interest in becoming friends with his family. "</p>
<p>Is there a reason for this, zoosermom? I am lucky enough to be a good friend of the bride’s mom. It sure makes the holidays more fun, and I think it will make things easier when there are grand kids. We were friends before the kids were even serious about each other, so it was easier for us to deepen the friendship. </p>
<p>I haven’t had any kids engaged yet. That said, I won’t be throwing an engagement party. I could see having a special dinner celebration between the two immediate families. That said, if a groom’s parents want to throw an engagement party, it would not bother me (I have daughters) and I can somewhat see that interest on such parents as they don’t tend to throw the wedding and so this is their chance to throw a party in their neck of the woods, if they so desire. That would be somewhat similar to a thread on here in the not so distant past about parents of the groom throwing a party/reception in their hometown at some point after the wedding so as to invite their friends and family who could not attend or travel to the wedding. </p>
<p>Ask your D what she wants YOU to do for her. If it’s just show up for the huge engagement party, then that’s what you do. If she has other ideas, acquiesce the best you can unless it’s too crazy for you. Then you can have a get together that you would like to have but not call it an engagement celebration later on. I wouldn’t start this out with arguments. Plenty of time for that in planning for the wedding, heh, heh.</p>
<p>OP, you say you have no interest in becoming friends with his family. Can you explain why? </p>