@Rosered, I agree with you that not everything happens for a reason. I think my fellow Christians do people a huge disservice by saying stuff like this when bad things happen. It’s not helpful and it’s often not true. Perhaps people can find reasons for their trials after they end, and faith can provide a new lens for looking at difficult circumstances, but some suffering just doesn’t ever make sense. Yet we must endure it anyway.
Well, I believe that life throws you things you never imagined were in your future.
When I was 27 I got a call that close relatives of mine had been murdered (including the son) by their father (also a relative of mine). It took a lot of thinking to imagine how none of us had seen the signs of domestic violence. I vowed never to get involved with abusive people and to shine the light. Never really got over it completely and never revisited the house. I can’t go back to change it but I can go forward.
When I was 30 my spouses best friend got leukemia and lived with us for the last six months of life. That made me realize that life is precious and so is our health. We were very young and newly married. I realized during that time that the ability to make space for a friend meant that my spouse and I would also be there for each other. Actually, that was the gift knowing I had married someone who would do anything for someone else including being there for the final hours when our friends parents could not be there. Going through the death of someone you love changes you. It gives depth to your soul.
Being told my the specialist doctor that our baby in utero had a 10% chance of survival due to a hematoma. This was at 16 weeks. I was told not to pick up anything more than 5 lbs. I had a toddler already. Best chance was to get to 26 weeks of pregnancy. Damage to the brain was likely as were other issues. Prayer took me through that one. When the baby was delivered at 40 weeks (!) after 36 hours, 12 doctors cheered. The baby is now a gifted middle schooler who wins math competitions. And s/he is really compassionate.
Those are just some of the bad things, not to mention, job losses, rare health care scares (2) and other major dilemmas. When bad things happen I go inside and look at what I have: family, friends, a job, strong faith. And I don’t focus on what cannot be changed. I am unfailingly optimistic. You cannot tell me there is no cure, way or positive outcome. I know there is. I have lived to see it.
The longer you live, the more you suffer. Some really sad and horrible things have happened to me and my family. I have a way of blocking these events out of my mind and staying in the present, planning for the future. I can’t fix the past. Endurance is one of my few talents.
I don’t envy others. I realize that if you scratch the surface of your neighbor’s “perfect” life, you will find their hidden sorrows and tragedies. Everyone has them. I try to appreciate what I have. I look for those little moments of joy and beauty in the sea of troubles.
The Serenity Prayer:
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.