Had a bad week. A death of a dear person and friend, a break-up of a long term relationship( not mine, but.), and several other less extreme things.
I’ve spent a lot of time crying this week. A lot in the shower because I need to “present” myself in “life.” So I am washing away, literally, the tears. But also thinking about “everthing” in the shower.
So how do you cope with, I hope temporary, utter dispair? Or just the " everthing" that seems to be do overwhelming…
@morrismm I am very sorry about all that’s been going on. When I have felt overwhelmed I spent time in a warm bath with a glass of wine processing it all. You get out of bed everyday and you move on. You surround yourself with people you can be real with. I exercise and eat well and have to count on time healing most wounds. It took me a very long time to acknowledge the bad stuff. Let it sink in, but don’t park there. Hugs to you.
one foot in front of the other. Physical labor, even though I tend to dwell when doing it alone.
Doesn’t really get better but it does pass.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It’s so awful to have to go through this hiding your tears in the shower, but I understand. And you are strong strong strong.
As I tell my kids, look at your feet. Are they moving forward? Then you’'re okay.
In addition, personally I run every morning because it literally gives me a runner’s high. The natural drug that my body gives me from running allows me to believe that I can handle whatever happens during the day. At night then I get my reward as a glass of wine with dinner. While on my run, there’s enough wind and empty space that I shout my troubles into it while I run. It feels like I’m being scoured clean by the wind inside and out.
If you can’t run, then walk. Find a place to walk through the woods or some natural environment if you can and make it your routine.
I wish I knew. I am going through an extremely difficult time myself and trying to do everything ‘right’ - eating healthy, exercising, getting out and doing things and meeting people. And it’s not helping 
I will be watching this thread too. Good luck to you!
There have been times when I literally wanted to crawl under my bed and hide. Somehow I managed to hang on, practically at a crawl. It helps if you’ve been through tough things before because then you know it’s like a storm - no matter how violent the storm is, it always passes.
Hang on - as they say “the darkest hour is just before dawn.”
And don’t be afraid to unload on your friendly neighborhood psychiatrist (pricy but it can be worth it).
That’s a postful of trite, there lol.
I find the 12 step motto of “one day at a time” very helpful. Sometimes it’s only one hour at a time, even. It’s hard to remember in the thick of things I know.
@morrismm, hugs to you!
I’m in the shower with you. Ok, that sounds a little weird.
My best friend is dying from ALS. It is heartbreaking. I cry in the shower alot.
Then, I see my therapist, I walk, I watch old movies with my husband, I text my grown kids.
I try to do something a bit different every day…I sent a long handwritten note to my friend today on beautiful stationary. I hardly ever write snail mail anymore but she will enjoy it…it was fun to do.
Hang in there, you are not alone!
Sorry you are going through such a rough patch. In addition to some of the suggestions above, I find “comfort books” help me, especially when trying to get to sleep or if I wake up and can’t go back to sleep. They are books that I have read before and really find pleasant & soothing. Mine would be different from yours, and my kids have their own as well.
Most of you seem to need to keep walking/running (literally and figuratively.) Everybody has a way best for them. I agree it’s not good to get sunk in total passivity/depression, but to the extent my life allows it, I have to slow down. I find grief or difficult times exhausting. My body and spirit have to rest more than usual for awhile. I allow myself those tears, showers, hours of reading, blankets on the couch and introspection, if that’s where I am. Writing or painting or gardening can help. Pets help! After a while, too much is too much and exercise and practical tasks are the best medicine. Maybe just walking up and down the (steep) hills of my neighborhood and nothing too strenuous. I agree in theory that it’s good to be around people who are real…but I’ve found I can be just a little too real in return and impinge too much. That really doesn’t make me feel better in the end! So I resist the urge to call a friend. it’s better for me to cheer myself up in what I call “sincerely superficial” chitchat with people I don’t know well in spontaneous talk while on walks or errands, etc.
I think one of the most important things you can do for yourself is not to beat yourself up for grieving, no matter what your grieving looks like. Everyone grieves differently and we can’t judge our own grief based on what others have or haven’t done. Be kind to yourself and don’t feel guilty about it. Anytime I’m faced with a particularly difficult situation (and I’ve had my fair share in the last five years), I always ask myself what would I want people to remember about how they see me attempting to cope during difficult times - for me, the answer is, with integrity, compassion and courage. And I remind myself of that… many times a day - as someone upthread said, “One day at a time,” or even “One hour at a time”. Surround yourself with people and things that give you strength and realize that may change from day to day when your deep in the midst of a crisis. It’s about survival for now, and days and weeks and months down the line, you can be more intentional with the steps you need to take to work your way out.
Seriously, do not feel guilty about coming here to vent. We are your virtual crying shoulder. Virtual hugs.
I’m very sorry that youvare in despair.
In my darkest moments, I found it helpful as a short term strategy to banish all thoughts of the future, even a week in the future. Staying radically in the present was helpful to me. I could make it through the next five minutes but a week would feel overwhelming. Someone would say, “what are you doing tomorrow?” and I would have to answer that I was sorry but I couldn’t think that far ahead.
One of the most comforting things to me was going for a long walk on a foggy beach where I could not see far enough ahead to have to think of any moment beyond the present. That felt miraculous. This may sound weird, but in my quest to stay radically in the present for those awful few weeks, I found it helpful to really try to imagine what it was like in my dog’s head, with no language but hyper attuned to the sounds and smells of the present moment.
I guess now this is called mindfulness. It is a useful coping strategy.
When I was under enormous stress, I quit running. I isolated myself, even from CC. Thankfully, my CC virtual friends hunted me down and brought me back here. Oh a whim, I took a class. I became as busy as one could get! Running, posting on CC, doing homework… I guess that was my way of staying in the present. 
I usually wallow for a short time, which involves lots of crying, anxiety, and stress. Then I find a good book to read at night so I can focus my thoughts away from the bad stuff as I fall asleep.
Next, I go hiking in the woods as often as possible. There is something about being in nature that is cathartic for me.
Another thing I try to do is focus on something I can do for someone else. It helps me gain perspective and feel good about something.
The really bad things, like the loss of a loved one or abrupt end of a relationship, take lots of time to work through. Of course they do, because they were very meaningful and the losses leave voids that aren’t easily filled.
My S recommended the book, The Power of Now, after a particularly difficult time. I found it useful, too.
During particularly tough times, I tried to help someone who was lonelier and sadder than me (my grandma who was a recent widow got a ton of visits as I healed from breaking up with my long term BF). That was the closest I ever was to her.
This. The CC folks have gotten me through some very rough times. Best crying shoulders around, virtual or otherwise.
I have also experienced very rough times lately and my coping mechanism to to surround myself with happy people with a sense of humor and to concentrate on the good things in life. Sometimes that’s harder than it sounds but it’s worth it. No matter how bad things get you can find good parts. Even if it’s just a lunch with a friend or moments with a grandchild. Don’t dwell on the bad but do face it. My mom’s method is to pretend it’s not happening and that just doesn’t work for me. Talk about it, deal with it and be practical. It will get easier and easier.
They say that “laughter is the best medicine” and this is shown by science to be true.
That doesn’t mean it’s easy to get yourself into the mood to find laughter.
When I was in grad school I made myself promise that if I felt toooo low, I would drop everything that I was doing and walk to the nearest movie theater. Getting out of the house was the main goal to shake up my mind and attitude. I would watch whatever (non horror) film was playing next. It was wonderfully cathartic – and I saw some memorable films that I never would have seen otherwise.
Sending you a hug this morning. Maybe find a nature trail to walk along gently and look for some birds today. Or maybe just find a new kind of tea to help you feel warm and cozy.
I go into survival mode and avoid things that add to the stress. Reading the news makes me uncomfortable -the I just quit reading it. I won’t kill me to be uniformed for a while. I second the idea of “comfort books”. I am embarrassed to tell you mine -but it is mindless and soothing for me.
Try to get enough sleep.
Try to exercise.
Also I find looking ahead helps a bit planning a vacation or a meal or party. One time my daughter and I sat in front of a computer for an hour looking at pictures of someones Norwegian cruise. We still haven’t been to Norway -but it made us feel better.
Hugs to you