<p>As an adult, I am overwhelmed by the amount of hatred and downright mean behavior that people show toward each other every day. From cutting others off when driving, to nasty interactions of workers and customer service representatives, to the bullying of children and adults,to the “mean girl” mentality that exists in every school…and continues into the workplace and general life among women and men, to the terrorist activities that are in the news each day, I worry about us as a “people” and wonder what, if anything, can be done to change it.</p>
<p>People treat each other terribly in a majority of situations. And probably the worse part of this entire situation is that those who are mean, nasty, and divisive are rarely, if ever, put in their place because the “nice ones” do not want to risk suffering the consequences. </p>
<p>For example, there is a 20 something young woman in my workplace who is a gossip, never has anything nice to say about anyone, invites people to go to lunch in front of others who she does not include, makes fun of those who are overweight. Yet goes about her life as tho she is holier than thou. She is not particularly attractive. Yet she is happy, has a fiance who is the nicest guy and adores her, and seems to have people that want to hang out with her and idolize her (yet she talks about each one of them behind their backs). Why does nobody put people like her in their place? What is going on?!</p>
<p>Do I have a skewed version of humanity or do you share my viewpoint? And, more important, is there anything that we can do to improve what is? </p>
<p>questbest, you have posted several threads on this theme over the years. I’m trying to say this with kindness - I think you are highly sensitive to the evil and meanness in this world, and would benefit from choosing to toughen yourself somewhat against them. We see what we expect to see. You say :
I could not disagree more that “people treat each other terribly in a majority of situations.” I would suggest that your viewpoint is indeed somewhat skewed, as you put it, and that what you can do about this is to strive for a wider perspective. No one is a villain to himself.</p>
<p>I also disagree that “mean, nasty, and divisive” people rarely face negative consequences. Yes, there are mean and nasty people in this world, but they live with the consequences of that behavior. If nothing else, they live with being what they are. It’s not the job of the “nice ones” to put others in their place. (And who gets to say where that place is?)</p>
<p>Try traveling more.
I don’t have a lotta time for first world problems,
There is some real #^% going down, but you also will find people stepping up and reaching out.
To have a friend, * be a friend.
If my memory serves, you’ve posted about the above situation before. Have you tried finding a therapist to help you get perspective? It really can help.</p>
<p>No matter how cold or happy others may appear to you, * everyone* struggles and carries pain inside you don’t know anything about.</p>
<p>I disagree as well. We just went on a very long trip across the south where we knew no one and were often in a place of needing help with directions, places to eat, places to shop, places to stay. Every single person we encountered, from customer service people to strangers on the street was kind and gracious, even when we had an on-going problem that required repeated calls and trips to the front desk. Our trip also involved meeting young people from all over the country and every one of them was mature, driven and making a difference in the world. </p>
<p>I haven’t been around CC long enough to recall other threads you’ve started on this theme, but it seems like you’re in a bad position and maybe have some situational depression as a result. People CAN change, but it’s not like everyone everywhere NEEDS to change. There are some great people out there.Perhaps you need some guidance figuring out how to find them and improve your situation.</p>
<p>I hate to sound mean, because I, too, get tired of people cutting people off on the freeway. But I don’t consider that EVIL nor do I see the majority of drivers doing it. So maybe your perspective can change somewhat …</p>
<p>If you don’t like the look and smell of the fertilizer, then raise your eyes and look at the flowers.</p>
<p>Advice to think about? When a driver cuts you off, how many drivers around that driver DIDN’T? And for the mean girl in the office … she is 20? are you 20? You need to be happy in your skin and what she does won’t matter as much. </p>
<p>Good point esobay.
My H often notices the bad drivers on the roads, it drives him nutso.
But Ive realized that in a way, he * enjoys* itching about them. He lets off steam & he gets to feel superior.
It is annoying as heck to have to listen to however.
But Iv’e given up trying to get him to quit yelling at them, I just put my headphones in, or if he gets really bad, I drive.</p>
<p>The problem is, you notice when someone does something nasty, evil, criminal, etc… You don’t notice all of the other people passing by who are not nasty, evil, criminal, etc…</p>
<p>Questbest, sometimes when I’m down in my dark pit I feel as you do. Last winter, when I was teetering on the edge of that pit again, I tried all sorts of things to avoid sliding down. One was that I resolved to force myself to smile, be extra polite and kind, and find something - anything - nice to say to every person I met for 30 days. I can’t begin to tell you how hard that was some days. Did it change the world? Of course not, but it changed me - at least a little. </p>
<p>Like others have said, I haven’t found that most people treat others badly. Please, if you’re in an environment like that then you need to do everything in your power to get out. Life is too short to be surrounded by toxic people. </p>
<p>As for the big stuff, there’s really nothing I can do about terrorists. Evil has been a part of the world forever, as far as I can tell. I can donate to organizations that help victims, but that’s about it. I limit how much news I read or watch, not to be an ostrich but because immersing myself in it doesn’t help anyone. </p>
<p>“My H often notices the bad drivers on the roads, it drives him nutso.
But I’ve realized that in a way, he enjoys itching about them. He lets off steam & he gets to feel superior.
It is annoying as heck to have to listen to however.
But I’ve given up trying to get him to quit yelling at them, I just put my headphones in, or if he gets really bad, I drive”</p>
<p>That’s kind of funny. You’d be better off if you never moved out of this area, because Seattle has the politest and most considerate drivers ever. Sure, they’re not all perfectly trained drivers, but most everyone is nice and not erratic. Though I’m probably one of those drivers that irritate your husband, nobody ever yells at me nor gives me the finger. Do not move or you’re going to have to wear your headphones the entire time!</p>
<p>As far as the OP’s question, maybe he or she lives in an area and works for a business where people are specifically rude? I’ve lived all over, and I’ve found most people to be considerate and basically kind. It’s the other types that are the exception.</p>
<p>However, you may be the type of person that is looking to take offense. That makes life so much more difficult, when you are focusing on what wrong might have been done to you. Just choose not to take offense. Assume the best in people. Try it for a day, an hour at work, and see how much happier you are.</p>
<p>Most of us were brought up to honor the Golden Rule.</p>
<p>How we should treat those who don’t depends on the severity of their transgressions. But talking about non-felonious actions, I think we need to forgive but – if given the chance – we should show a bit of tough love and tell the person our concern(s) and how we think they can improve.</p>
<p>It’s a long life. If you see someone seriously erring today, let them know how to improve; maybe they will.</p>
<p>Turning off the TV and hanging out with the good people in your life is a great way to combat any negativity IMO. </p>
<p>I made the decision long ago to not allow toxicity into my life. It’s lead to me ending friendships, leaving CC for periods at a time, and even not talking to certain family members but in the end, it’s for the best. Life is too short to deal with the BS when there is so much good in the world. </p>
<p>With that said, it does seem like you’re more sensitive than most. Yes, someone cutting you off is irritating, but there’s no reason to take it to heart. The other person might not have even seen you. For the chick at work that invites people, screw her. Go to lunch with others and ignore her. When I was being bullied at school, I started to play sports and grew close to those people. Soon, I wasn’t reacting to the bullies and they moved on but I still had my good friends from teams. </p>
<p>You have to cope in whatever way works for you. Maybe try volunteering or spreading some good in your corner of the world. It goes a long way IMO</p>
<p>Turn off TV is also my family method of dealing with negative/evil things in the world. I don’t watch TV, but my husband likes to watch and it and gets depressed afterwards.</p>
<p>There are some angry/mean/rude people out there I agree and I am not very good at being polite when I am personally confronted with it…which of course makes me as bad as them in a way. It helps to be reminded as others upthread have mentioned, that the majority of people are not like that…try not to despair Questbest and as much as possible remove yourself from contact with the not so nice.</p>
<p>The world is cruel one. There are nasty people. There always will be. There will always be mean girls. CC has definitely showed me what these young girls will be like when they’re older. They don’t grow out of it. There will always be those whose heart seems to be filled with darkness and a mind with no room for compassion. </p>
<p>The only thing you can do is control you behavior. I’m working on giving unrequited kindness. It’s a pet peeve of mine, when you’re taken advantage of because of your niceness or when you’re nice to someone and they’re nasty in return. To protect myself, I’ve become more careful who I am nice to and put energy into. </p>
<p>As for driving…drivers are drivers. I don’t take offenses on the road to heart. I cut people off and don’t feel bad about it. People cut me off and I’m sure they don’t feel bad about it. Stuff happens. Just keep it moving. </p>
<p>I agree, TV is the worst.
And if the news doesn’t have anything awful to report, they will find something and puff it up until it has overstayed its 15 minutes.
I can’t stand how some of the newscasters sound almost gleeful when there is a real tragedy.
They need to watch themselves in a mirror.</p>
<p>There are far more good people in the world than bad.
Angels are all around us.</p>