<p>Someone very close to me is driving me crazy!! This person (a relative) brags constantly. She recently developed a successful business and is riding on cloud nine. But instead of just saying she is thrilled that her business is doing well and leaving it at that. She calls me 2 to 4 times per week to tell me what a fabulous sales day she had. She used to even give me actual numbers but has since stopped doing that since I told her it makes me uncomfortable to hear her private financial information.</p>
<p>She also talks about how the other business people in town are all jealous of her and about all of the wonderful compliments that others give her. Knowing her as I do, I believe she is very insecure and looking for validation. I’d be happy to give it to her if she shared such info every once in a while, but it’s everytime we talk. She even went so far as asking me to do her books recently when I have no bookkeeping experience. My husband felt it was just another way for her to brag by showing how well she is doing. I think it is so tacky.</p>
<p>She is a good person in other ways and I don’t want to damage our relationship. So how do I deliver the message that she is rubbing me the wrong way with all of her puffery and insecurity? Or is the problem mine in that it bugs me to hear this all of the time?</p>
<p>I wonder, is she working in a small business or alone? It could be that she needs a support network for work, and you are the (unwilling) person supplying that role for her now. Could you suggest that she join a professional group?</p>
<p>“That’s great you’re earning so much–I can tell you will be able to contribute to my favorite charity (insert: American Cancer Society, Habitat for Humanity, local group) at the “Platinum level” this year. I will drop off the contribution form and pick up your check afternoon!” </p>
<p>She may tone down her spiel if it becomes expensive enough.</p>
<p>We’re in a small town and I don’t know of any professional support groups. And, because the size of the community, she knows she can’t share the info with just anyone. She chooses me because I am a close relative. </p>
<p>Maybe I should advise that she help her kids out with their student loans. Even with all of her success she did not give her children any financial support for college. </p>
<p>Another thing is that she continues to tell me about all of her super success even when she knows my husband and I are struggling. This is what makes it extra hard.</p>
<p>I used to have a friend who did this, he was in the same business as I am and called daily to tell me how many cases he sold that day. At first I felt badly as he was really doing great, I wondered how I could do better. Over time, I realized that he did not complete all those sales, just like I did not complete all my sales. And I realized he had no one else to talk to about it. I also learned hwo big his home mortgage was ($5k) and his car payments ($1800) and I felt better about my lower expense, lower income life, and less driven lifestyle!</p>
<p>I think suggesting she help her kids is a GREAT idea! Maybe your last paragraph is your answer, “Suzy, I am so happy for your success, but I have to admit that since we are struggling it also makes me feel sad that we are not doing better” Congratulate her and also give her a sensitivity check.</p>
<p>There is a very good chance that she would be devastated if she read this thread and saw herself through your eyes. Unless you do not want to do damage to the relationship, you may just have to smile your way through this and try to be happy for her. But take comfort in knowing that your good friends on CC are on your side!</p>
<p>Cbug, you wrote you’re close to this person. Do her the honor of talking to her. She may just not realize, and hey, when you have successes you want your friends to be there for you, too, right?</p>
<p>As readers we only know one side of the story. I’d like to think the best of both the OP and her friend. Cbug, you know this person. We don’t. Everyone has their burdens to bear. If this is a <em>friend</em> then my suggestion is to treat her as such. How would you like it handled if the situation were reversed?</p>
<p>Really seeing someone for what they are like and deciding you don’t want to be friends with them is a very freeing experience. It happened to me recently, I recommend it.</p>
<p>I’ve run into a lot of people like this, and it really bothered me for a long time.</p>
<p>Then I found out something really simply. If it is too good to be true, it probably is. So, while one person close to me was supposedly banking $500k doing mortgage processing, I know for a fact that she recently went bankrupt because her liabilities exceeds her assets.</p>
<p>Ed McMahon, who was supposed to be very weathly and successful, had foreclosure proceedings started on his house because he wasn’t making payments.</p>
<p>The garbage truck driver next door that made huge sums of money driving his truck around lost just about everything during the housing bust.</p>
<p>So while your friend might be doing well know, gloating about it (except to parents) will not be a key to her success, and when her downfall happens, it’ll be tough.</p>
<p>Personally, I do not share with anyone besides my wife and parents how I am doing financially. Not even my kids know the details because it serves no purpose to share.</p>
<p>Well she is doing really well and you are struggling. She tells you she is successful and needs a bookkeeper.So she offers you a job.</p>
<p>Have her buy a new business Finance software package and learn and get paid at the same time. The finance programs sync up with turbo tax. She won’t need to tell you how great she is doing. You will already know.</p>
<p>Grab the job. Make some money. Learn a new skill.</p>
<p>OP - I have a sister-in-law who is a like this. I know it’s not nice, but we do chuckle behind her back. She can “top” anything. It makes her feel better, somehow. We know it’s coming, but are still surprised sometimes. I believe she has really low self-esteem and this makes her feel better, somehow.</p>
<p>^^ Sax – Thanks for the suggestion about taking her up on the job but I have a good & steady job. Our financial struggles have other reasons behind them and I have no interest in being a bookkeeper. Besides, IMO, I don’t think it’s good idea for relatives outside the immediate family to share financial info.</p>
<p>It sounds like my current plan is one I will need to continue with — dropping subtle hints and cutting the conversation short when she goes too far.</p>