@deb922 , Would a pot-luck work? I LOVE pot-lucks. Everyone seems to enjoy the variety, as well as bringing something. Although one time, we did have a picnic where EVERYONE brought brownies! 
Still a great gathering.
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This is a phenomenon in NYC, which can be a great place to grow old.
Aside from official designations, there are many single apartment buildings that fit the profile. In the past year, 5-10 apartments (out of 63) became vacant because the tenant moved to a continuing care community or passed away. My apartment had been inhabited by a couple who moved to Florida to be near their children. (I moved here in 2020.)
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I saw that too, so wonderful!
My grandma lived in an apartment building that was for seniors. She really enjoyed it. I don’t recall there being scheduled activities like you’d find in an independent living facility, but residents had card groups and interest groups.
I recently started watching Diagnosis Murder with Dick Van Dyke back in the 90’s - I guess I was too busy working and raising kids to know it was a long running series. I love mysteries (yes even Murder She Wrote) so being clean and not too deep with good characters, I am enjoying it.
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Do you not like to call your friends to go out to lunch or anything? I don’t mean entertaining them at your home. But just reciprocating an invite to get together.
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Oh yes, I do call people to go to lunch and I have had potlucks.
I live on a golf course and while they have a restaurant, the hours are very limited.
Our neighbors had/have a tradition where after golf we all meet at a house for cocktails and a simple meal. It’s not that hard.
The hard part is cleaning the house, me being insecure that my house isn’t clean enough. Getting the patio cleaned, that kind of thing.
While I’m clean enough, I’m not as particular as my friends. Who are very neat.
We also had a card club and would entertain at our home, ours isn’t as friendly for entertaining as some of the others. That ended with Covid which makes me sad because so many have moved or passed away. Some friends still play cards and I have played mahjong but I am definitely a beginner there.
My Tuesday golf group goes to a local restaurant. That I enjoy thoroughly!
I definitely think this post makes me seem like my mom. Very midwestern lady of a certain age!
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That’s what I thought. We do like to entertain (within reason). I know others just don’t. I just meant I enjoy getting invites to whatever. If I’m always the one reaching out, then I’ll eventually stop.
We started staying at a nearby hotel when visiting my in-laws. There were 6 of my husband’s siblings, plus all their and our kids, and my in-laws in a house with two bathrooms and people sleeping all over the place.
So, we started to stay at a nearby Holiday Inn Express. When we said we were doing this, we got a LOT of push back from the whole family…but we forged ahead. Funny…when we were checking in, two of DH’s siblings and families were right behind us! It was great. The cousins had a great time, and each family had its own bathroom…and private room.
We haven’t stayed at the in-laws in many many years, and it was a good decision.
Didn’t mean we didn’t get to their house in time for the family festivities.
Re: friends…I’m the outgoing one in the family. DH comes along because he actually likes some of these folks. We have great neighbors, and while we don’t have kids playing on the street anymore, we have a happy hour every Friday until it’s just too cold to be outside. And summers, we have the lake friends.
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I’ve never had a lot of friends. I am introverted (although I sometimes present as an extrovert, especially when I worked - and it was tiring). I feel fortunate that the friends I have are people I have known for a long time. One I met in grade school, one in high school, a couple from college and a couple from my adult life. Several live in other states, but we keep in touch. I meet the local ones for lunch from time to time, and I see another when her H’s band plays in my town. I have a number of acquaintances in my church and town, so I feel connected on a daily basis … but I don’t call them for lunch or anything like that.
I am very content with this. One of my best friends lives in an “active living community” in Florida, and she loves it. Frankly, it sounds awful to me - I don’t want to feel that I need to always be doing things. It kind of reminds me of high school, which doesn’t interest me. It’s great for her, but not for me.
What this means for me as I age, I don’t know. If I need to find connection at some point, I feel like I could do that through church, volunteering, that sort of thing. My MIL was extremely social and very connected to her community, but she withdrew from that in her early 90’s. Just when her connections would have served her best, she didn’t want to do more than talk to them in the phone - and now she doesn’t answer anymore. Watching her, I realize that getting really old is a whole lot harder than just getting older.
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Same here. I didn’t care how upset my MIL got, I was not going to share a bathroom with anyone.
If you come to stay with us at either our primary house or our cabin, you will have complete and total privacy in either our casita or our lower-level walkout apartment. I insist that guests have a king-size bed with luxury linens, private bathroom with fluffy towels and all toiletries, kitchenette with fruit bowl and mini fridge filled with water and snacks, seating area with TV, independent temperature control, and plenty of other comfort items (robes, slippers, laundry, etc.). BUT, if you still prefer a hotel, I’m absolutely fine with that as your comfort is all I’m concerned about. You don’t need to be under my roof for us to have a wonderful visit.
@deb22, I really wish there were an easy way to help you lose this insecurity. I am absolutely anal about housekeeping and am drop-in-ready at all times. It’s a sickness. But, I’m here to tell you that I actually ENJOY being with my friends who are more casual and whose houses appear more lived-in. There’s comfort there, and I absolutely do not judge them at all, not one iota. It’s not a comparison. I bet your friends feel the same way. Hugs to you because feeling comfortable about having guests in your home is one of the best ways to build friendships. Your house is totally fine, really.
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I’m the extreme introvert here. I have zero desire to go to lunch with anyone ever. Definitely don’t want to entertain or be entertained. I’m perfectly content to talk to my coworkers for 10-15 min twice a day and then not speak to anyone else the entire time. Now that H works 3 nights a week and two weekend mornings, I’m in heaven. I have time by myself at home for the first time ever!
That being said I do wonder if he were gone permanently - which I absolutely don’t want! - and I retired, would I get a little lonesome? I could see that. I know I’d miss H a lot! But just talking to people at the gym more might be enough socialization for me. Hopefully I have awhile before all that happens.
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I feel this.
I had a housekeeper for many years. When we moved and downsized, I couldn’t justify that expense/need with only 935 sq ft, so I started cleaning myself. Which I hate. As we’ve upsized, I’ve continued to do it. We now have 1,900 sq ft.
I find that I am more particular about how well I clean than I was about the housekeeper. And, anytime someone comes to my house, I feel like I am being, “inspected,” and judged and everything (house, food, etc) has to be perfect. I have NO idea why because I don’t pay any attention to that when I am invited to someone else’s home. I’m just happy to be invited. You could give me PB & J and I’d be thrilled I didn’t have to do anything other than show up. I also feel I have to do everything - I don’t like folks feeling the need to schlep food to my house.
I am not a relaxed hostess at all. I need to work on that.
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If I waited for my house to be clean I’d never do anything!
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We gave up house cleaners last year but I just scheduled a cleaning for next week since we’re going to Texas and house sitters will be staying here. This couple is so conscientious I think they would clean the house if it was dirty when they got here, and I don’t want them doing that.
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something in my eye……that is some video, and a remarkable life
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I had hubby pull up the Dick Van Dyke / Cold Play youtube video on the big TV. We really enjoyed it. Thanks!
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My 93 yo MIL is visiting this weekend – (along with all of ShawWife’s sibs). She was very angry with her FA for reasons that are not completely obvious. But, I am taking over her finances. She said she doesn’t like these smooth nicely dressed men who assume that she is an old lady who doesn’t understand what is going on (though she realizes to a certain extent that she is not on top of everything). Bit by bit, I am taking over all of her finances. This morning, I read over some forms that they had given her and went over where she wanted to make charitible donations by year-end. She knows she needs to give it up but I think it makes her unhappy to do so at the same time. Fortunately, she really likes my assistant who handles day to day stuff – she is warm, sweet and importantly capable.
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Loved the video. Dick can still dance. Chris is a lovely human.
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Husband did what his mother wanted, as did FIL and SIL. So I would have been on my own without a car if I had insisted on a hotel. MIL already didn’t like me because I didn’t bow down.
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