Unfortunately it feels like give an inch, take a mile.
I also think you go into this thinking the time helping won’t be that long. Won’t be happening during your retirement. Won’t be happening when the “kids” are 70 plus.
I also think you need to be your own best advocate. Like I hear sometimes, it’s not a mil problem, it’s a husband not having boundaries problem.
We hired a social worker/eldercare consultant at one point to help with the boundaries issue.
Money well spent. She was able to point out to one of the “elders” that some of the expectations weren’t just unreasonable- they were downright manipulative. And when the time came for assisted living, she took on the “Tour of Duty” (we had already visited 20+ places and knew the one which would work) and was able to do the tours with the elder highlighting the good/fun/enhanced quality of life features that the elder was just unable or unwilling to recognize when touring with a family member.
At one point while the elder was still living alone (and making frequent “I’m out of toothpaste, come get me so we can go shopping”) the consultant showed up with a magnetic legal pad and attached pen, stuck it on the fridge and said 'When you run out of something, write it down. When your kids call, read them the list; they’ll put it in your Peapod shopping cart and then once a week a nice delivery person will show up with EVERYTHING you need! Everyone in the neighborhood is doing this! It’s just the best way to shop, you’ll love it".
We had tried and failed about a dozen times with this system. Somehow hearing that everyone else is doing it (and from a non-family member) broke through…
This! My mom is terrible about wanting to go to Walmart and pick up a few items and then wanting to go back a couple of days later. I told her it was an unreasonable request.
There definitely is no one size fits all advice but amen about boundary setting and getting emotional support from a professional to make that happen. FWIW, my mom was home with a caregiver for a number of years (ALZ) but eventually she was safer in a memory care unit. After moving, her appetite improved, she engaged in activities, and her quality of life improved. It was a battle to get her there but in retrospect, we should have done it sooner.
My dad lives in a wonderful independent living facility. The only reason he can is that he has caregivers 24/7 (and an RN to coordinate his care). He has long term care insurance that covers part of the cost, but it’s still expensive. He’s fortunate he can afford it, otherwise he’d be in a nursing home.
I arrived yesterday and Dad is covering the cost for me to stay in a guest room right down the hall from him. It’s really nice. I got in at 11:30 pm and we talked until 1 am (we’re both night owls). Incredibly, he is happy and very positive. I hope I have his attitude at 87!
Older age can be the opportunity for an entirely new chapter of life.
I am widowed.
At age 63, I sold the house I lived in for 35 years. The movers had already come and my stuff was ready to ship to my new hometown when I met someone on match.com and moved to his town instead.
(I was curious about match.com, signed up for one month and got lucky.)
I am happy and feel very fortunate.
My FIL died about 25 years ago. My MIL was a very attractive woman with at that point a fair bit of money. Although she had decided that she did not want another relationship, she met a wonderful man – emeritus professor of medicine with lots of accomplishments and honors who was a terrific human being – and they were involved for 15 years until he died (early in the Pandemic, I think). They did not get married so as not to entangle finances, but we think that this caused both families to downplay the importance of their relationship to each other. When MIL was visiting us last week, we learned that at 93 she is starting up some kind of relationship with a guy whom she has known since elementary school. Also a distinguished emeritus professor in life sciences, I think. So, as @fendrock says, it is not impossible, even without match, to start a new chapter of life – in fact more than once.
What a wonderful “getting older” story. May your happiness continue! 
Invited people to dinner or dessert. Nobody ever reciprocated. Many have moved away.
Many years ago we moved away from the town where we raised our kids. We had been the house to come to for any excuse- Labor Day, July 4th, Memorial Day, Christmas, we always invited people over.
In my first years in our new town, I was weary and did not make that effort, but sometimes on an above summer holiday, I would call and chat with those old friends. All of them were home, none of them had people over, none of the went anywhere. They enjoyed coming to our place, year after year, but never really made the effort once it was not easy.
I also had an experience moving away from my parent and sibling. Mother & SIL both commented that with me gone, they would have more time together, both looked forward to it. Neither one ever made any real effort to make it happen, like they did not understand and appreciate the amount of effort and energy that goes into organizing social stuff and they, seriously, commented, separately, decades later how disappointed they each were that they never became closer (magically, I guess.)
So it may be that the people you are wishing would make an effort just do not know what to do 
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