My heart goes out to any of you above or in addition to above who has a less than good situation. I’ll count my blessings for now. Don’t give up!
@greatlakesmom - have you tried an occasional Facetime with both of them? Less awkward if there is three to a conversation than two.
Well, I’ve had one in each camp. DIL is often my favorite child. I talk/text with her with her prob 20/1 vs S1. We are close and I’m so appreciative. It is a real joy.
Other candidate–it was a very long 4 years before he ditched her. Every shred of my hatred and suspicions was proved true. Just waiting on convictions now 
Awful, awful, awful. They have a child so we’ll be dealing with her for a very long time.
I have a son-in-law (8 years) who is great. He is a loving, thoughtful husband, a good person, and very smart. I enjoy having him in the family. He likes to talk politics and while we generally agree, there are times we disagree–these disagreements have led to good conversations and I have learned from him.
My younger daughter has been with her boyfriend for four years. I think he’s fine, but I prefer my son-in-law. Younger D’s boyfriend is too cynical for my taste, but he loves my daughter and is really supportive of her. They moved closer to us when D started grad school and we have spent more time with him and that’s been positive.
Loving these responses both good and not so warm.
My S is a totally non communicative guy. Really bad. So if DIL and I did not
talk I think we would have lost them and our G’son.
Yes, I have treated her to many trips to The Rack, TJMaxx, etc.
I have treated her just like my D—standing and waiting for ages while they try things on
and then I pay :)).
So far we are able to treat them and make them feel interested in us. (maybe more? but who knows?)
My own mother hated each and everyone who joined the family–except for H. I never allowed
her know a single thing negative about him. Never told her a thing.
My MIL has been nice enough. I had such a horrible mom that I wanted a good MIL.
Hmmm…she was OK. She never ever made me feel special and often said annoying things.
DIL’s and MIL’s are a really tough institution.
And to just say that I totally got that my MIL liked my SIL best. They had years of history before I
joined the family. However!!! MIL should have made a supreme effort to equalize things and she
never did that at all.
Hoping current GF will become more comfortable with me over time. She has a lot of insecurity in her own family right now so she is wary. Very hard for me to watch my DS try to establish a good relationship with her family as they are much more critical of each other than we are. Just hoping that time will improve the entire situation so that we can all just enjoy each other if she does become my DIL.
I have a great SIL who is great to my D. They truly are a wonderful match and I’m very happy that she found “the one.” He is a bit quiet and hard to get to know. We see my D a lot and most of the time she comes by without him. We love seeing her so it doesn’t really matter. He takes that time on a Sunday afternoon to go into work and catch up since he has a very demanding job. I don’t feel that there is any problem with our relationship, but we’re not as close as I wish we were. His family is in Australia and he doesn’t see them very often. I don’t think family is a priority to him.
My own mom and my sister-in-law have had such a bad relationship that has wrecked our whole family that I’m determined to never have a problem with any of my kids and their partners. I will never say a word.
This.
It took me a long time to understand why I never seemed to speak to my son-in-law on the phone. This is why.
I have 3 sons-in-law and am fond of all of them, though it can be hard to feel that way about one, who can be thoughtless and irresponsible. Once a guy is in his mid-30s, is he not old enough to understand that his wife/kids should sometimes come before what’s on a screen? If he rolls his eyes and heaves heavy sighs and acts like a 14 year-old when it’s time to get off the couch and extend himself for the most important people in his life, I can’t help wishing he could just suck it up and be an adult. Of course I pretend not to see a thing and keep my mouth shut. (My friends have heard plenty.)
Thinking about the word “relationship” in the thread title. I’m fond of my SILs, but don’t know what kind of relationship I have, or expect to have, with them. They all are/were close to their moms, calling her often. I don’t expect anything approaching a mother-son relationship with them. We chat happily when we’re together (something my husband has not done with my mom in almost 39 years of marriage). I don’t take up much space in their brains, and hope I never do.
I made a point of calling MIL by myself, once in a while. I liked her, admired her strong points, don’t know if I can say loved. From the instant we met, she was warm and gracious to me, never judged. (Her strong suit was gracious.) When I’d fly east on business , I’d fly back thru NJ, to spend a day or two with her. Easy. And back then, with landlines, if she called, we’d have a nice talk.
So I tried to emphasize with my girls that, once the family expands, this is a niceness. Not always some at-will choice. I text their partners or drop a post on fb. It takes two.
I like my girls’ partners. I just wish they all could get their acts together, a little more, be building toward financial strengths. But all 4 are good people.
My future SIL is a great guy. Perfect fit for D1. They’ve been together for 9 years, wedding in September. 
My only real concern is that he is a bit of a workaholic (like his dad). I foresee stress when they have kids. They will have to sort that out themselves, of course.
My folks have a good relationship with each of us and our partners. Most of us have good or better relationships with our in laws.
I am sorry my MIL and FIL died when our kids were very young (so they don’t have much memory of either of them) and that both my SisILs have died as well. We never got to know BIL’s wife much but did get to know my H’s sister as we stayed with her whenever we visited SF.
It’s sweet how much some on this thread have cultivated loving relationships with their ILs. When I have new ILs, I hope we can grow close ties as well.
My mother has managed to alienate her daughters-in-law with her critical, condemning spirit. I really hope I don’t do that. My daughter is seriously involved with her boyfriend and they are talking marriage. I am determined to be loving and gracious to him.
My mom is kinda difficult, but DH is beloved by her and especially my dad — they have a lot of the same interests, which my siblings do not share so DH fills a niche in the family. I barely know my several SIL, and they seem to prefer that and I just let it go. We all get along and do emergencies well, so I can’t ask for more than that.
I adore my BIL, who is hilarious and kind and takes my confrontations about his narrowminded political views with grace. BUt my MIL and FIL? They respect me, but they don’t seem to like me much. Never second guessed our parenting, but endlessly critical of my clothes, my job, … are pretty tactless often enough that we wonder if it’s intentional. But, they raised the guy I love. I remind my husband to call his mom and don’t usually talk to her only because I assume she wants to talk to her baby (he’s 56) and not me. She once said to my kids “ah yes, the days before your mother came along and took him away from me were grand”. It sounds worse than it is in person, but I try really hard to be extra kind to S2’s GF!!!
Throughout my years on CC, I’ve seen more than a few posts by mothers stating that they have already decided they “hate” or strongly dislike their future DILs, even though their sons are not yet in any kind of serious relationships. I can’t think of many posts like that made by mothers of daughters. What is up with that?
If my parents had approached my DH with an antagonistic attitude, especially before even getting to know him, they would have soon realized that we were spending all our time with his very accepting family. No way I would tolerate my family being less than kind and accepting of the man I love.
I used to have a very good relationship with my own MIL, until her D divorced and moved back in with her. My H’s sister is toxic, so I just keep my mouth shut. My MIL hated her own MIL, so much so that when I told her I was naming one of my children after her, she literally burst into tears and begged me not to. I didn’t.
I don’t have any DIL or SIL’s yet, but oldest son has been with the same girl for 9 years. We have gone through phases of not liking her and wishing they’d break up, but at this point, my son is talking about marrying her, so H and I are embracing it. H is teaching her to drive and I am helping with issues around her late grandfather’s will and her mother’s health issues. They seem to truly love each other and I have never heard them yell or fight. However, they have never lived together as adults, either, so who knows what will happen then. My son said that when he becomes permanent at his job (he’s with USPS), they will start to plan the wedding. They’ve already asked for my help since her mom is, sadly, in a nursing home after a bad stroke in her mid-40’s.
My D was seeing a guy who my H and the boys really liked, but I just couldn’t cotton to him. I told my daughter it was because he wore Crocs all the time, but it was just something I didn’t like. He went to study abroad, pledged undying love and faithfulness and then a week later, asked her to be part of what was to be, in essence, a plural family lifestyle. D hung up on him. Her current boyfriend is lovely. We all really like him. He’s bright, well traveled and well educated and we’ve met his family and siblings. Although they are from another continent, we had more in common with them than with the first bf’s family, who live in the same state as us. I REALLY hope she marries him but she seems not to be into marriage. I wasn’t either at her age, but I want grandchildren!
I have two DIL’s and one FDIL, all in the general area. We are very blessed. Our sons are wonderfully blessed. We are very happy and relieved how life has played out for them. I realize I could possibly try to get closer to the girls…they are all wonderful… but I’m not really sure how. I need to put together a girls day out with them. In fact, we rode together to a shower once and ods’s then gf said happily “we should do this more often” so …
Thanks to this thread, the seed is planted. I’m going to try to do something with them. And I have an idea in mind already. Thank you for this thread!
I don’t want grandchildren, so it’s fine with me if my son doesn’t marry. He’s a tad difficult, but for some reason girls seem quite drawn to him, and the relationships are never smooth. My daughter wasn’t planning to have kids, and thank goodness she and the despicable husband did not. I know she’ll meet someone wonderful, but her profession (priest) is a little frightening to some men.
“endlessly critical of my clothes, my job”
@greenbutton It floors me that your in-laws would comment on such things. 
@Nrdsb4 I don’t know if my MIL actually feels this way or not, but when Mr R and his brothers were growing up, she always told them that they’d never find a wife who could be as good as her, their mother.
She doesn’t really like any of her DILs. The SIL with the baby and I are staunch liberals and non-religious so I get why she wouldn’t like us. But then his other brother started dating a devout Catholic (though moderate, not as conservative as she is) and she was STILL cold and crappy to her. At this point, I’m pretty sure that unless we were an exact clone of her, we’d never be good enough for her babies.
I should add, my FIL and I have a very love/hate type of relationship. He doesn’t like my politics or atheism (and brings it up), but when politics and religion aren’t talked about, he’s a gem. His only requirement is that his children-in-law make his sons happy. They’re happy, so he’s happy.
abasket, yes, facetime! S sometimes calls me on facetime, as cell service doesn’t work well in their apartment. Thanks! They just called tonight, on their commute home and I talked to both.
doschicos, my ex MIL would sometimes criticize my clothing and other things, prior to divorce. They were quite critical, and hard on their own offspring as well, though I tended to shrug it off as a cultural difference. We got along well, regardless.