My son has been accepted to BOCO, but to send him I’d have to deplete my retirement fund. How do you find the money to go?? I hate for him to lose this opportunity!
My D is at NYU- so I understand the bite of tuition. For us- it came down to making a conscious family choice. There are things we have given up - and we will be making payments for a long time to come. But we decided that the opportunity was worth it- but that is very personal and very individual
2 years ago my son spent his entire fund on his first year at a school he thought he had to attend- long story it was great but other kids there were pretty wealthy and he ultimately decided he ciuldn’t afford that world and transferred to a more reasonable situation. He isvery happy with like minded peers - he will still have considerable debt because of 60 k school the first year and their ungenerous financial aid. My MT daughter knew that any non merit 60 k schools were not an option for her. It adds up over 4 years. A good fit is when the school wants your kid enough to meet you partway. Unless your family can truly afford it - congratulations on a great acceptance though.
Another frustration is my high stat daughter would have had outside scholarship chances in music education or VP or a STEM field - there just aren’t many MT outside scholarships to go for or at least that we’ve found -
My advice - take it or leave it - is to not take on any more parental debt than you can reasonably afford to pay back during your own income-producing years. Do not mortgage your house or jeopardize your retirement - for ANY college major your child should decide to pursue, but especially for one that has little statistical chance of generating a “large” income in the first ten years after graduating.
Our MT S is third S to go to college. All three are/were in Arts related majors. We helped S#1 with books, a “handout” here and there, and free food/housing only, while he attended local medium-sized state university. We were willing to do more, but while S#1 is very talented in his chosen path, he had demonstrated in HS a certain lack of “commitment” to the finer details of being a student. The same behaviors continued in college and he lost his scholarship after freshman year. We continued with free “room & board” throughout the five years it took him to graduate and have since helped him buy/repair used cars.
S#2 is a gifted visual artist and got accepted to several nationally high-prestige Art schools (comparable to “top tier” MT programs) - most with very generous scholarships. His HS “un-student-like” behaviors varied a bit from older brother’s, but resulted in H and I not being convinced that attending an expensive art school in a far-off city was the best choice given our financial resources. S had a very generous scholarship from the local Art academy (still pretty expensive in our book) and H and I decided we were willing to take on REASONABLE parental debt to give S the chance to succeed (a small amount compared to what we were eligible for). All did not go as well as hoped for, and while S#2 is getting some terrific life “experiences”, getting a degree from an Art school in the foreseeable future does not appear to be among them. We cut off the parent loans a year ago and are now paying $200/month for 10 years for a degree that our S will most likely not be getting (and are relieved that we are not on the hook for more, since H is in the process of making a mid-life career change of his own). We are still providing free room & board as long as he is a student.
As an elementary through HS student, S#3 was on fire for MT and managed to also be a terrific student during all that time. H and I were convinced he had what it takes to put his heart and soul into being a fine MT BFA student. We were again willing to take out “reasonable” debt if necessary for MT S to go to a good program, but we drew the line at “expensive” - for OUR circumstances/values. We were also adamant that S not take on student loan debt as it would truly hamper his post-graduation “livable life” options. S#3 is currently a sophomore in an MT BFA program and is working his tail off. We are very fortunate that we did not have to take on any debt for his particular program. Of his three acceptances, one was taken totally off the table due to high cost. The other came with a good scholarship and a price tag that we could have “managed”, but when compared to the “financial freedom” of his current program, HE decided that in all good conscience he could not accept that offer.
Don’t put your child in the position of knowing that THEIR success (or non-success) is responsible for YOUR possible future financial hardship. The stress these kids will have to bear, during college and after, will be tough enough w/o the additional burden of feeling, “I am responsible for my parents’ financial straits, as well”. Writing checks you can “afford” for 10 years is one thing. Giving your child " a leg up" at the expense of your own “fiscal future” is not wise.
Yep. I feel pretty strongly about this one. Again, take it or leave it.
@mom4bwayboy - all of the points you make are sound. The whole thing is a very personal choice. I feel pretty strongly that the opportunities we are giving our D (which we will pay for over 10 years) are worth every penny, and have nothing to do with what she might or might not earn as a performer. To each their own.
Great advice @mom4bwayboy. We have 4 kids so H and I are constantly having the money-college discussion and adjusting how we look at it. There is no one solution or easy answer and the numbers compound quickly for multiple college educations!
This is a very personal choice. I fully agree with @mom4bwayboy as that was our decision. 4 years at one of the very expensive premier schools would require both us and our child to have significant debt after college. Not a great option for an actor and for parents who will be just a few years from retirement.
At the same time, it is a personal choice and I fully support people who do it @toowonderful 's way. That’s not for us; but if your family is able/willing to make that sacrifice, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Keep in mind the likelihood of BFAMT graduates having several years of low earning immediately following graduation and how that might impact their ability to repay while the pursue low-paying performance opportunities that help build the resume.
You can find both PLUS and student loan payment calculators online and play around with the numbers you may consider borrowing.
Other than that, I agree that this is all personal for each and every family.
Remember also that Boston is an expensive city – you may wish to research housing experiences and costs with previous BoCo parents to determine how they might increase from year to year.
IMNSHO, there is no undergrad degree worth 60k a year of debt. We had to bite the big oos tuition for first year for our MT daughter, but the ability to get in state tuition after first year and an additional $2k talent per year has made tuition under 10k a year (room and board/travel is costing another $12k a year. Our other daughter has full oos tuition+ but she is a STEM Major. The amount of debt and what’s reasonable for your family is highly individual but the kids really need to sit down with you and see what sort of impact this non dischargable debt will look like to a bare bones budget.
In my opinion, it would be HIGHLY unusual for anyone to have taken out $60,000/year loans to pay for college. Many people do not have the entire funds for four years on hand for each of their children. But many have some savings, and can pay something out of current income, and qualify for some financial aid. So, it will require loans to pay off the remainder, but this won’t be for $60,000 x 4 years. I have two kids who went to college, and one went for four years of graduate school on top of that. They got financial aid and scholarships. There was money to pay for part of this. And the remainder, I am paying off as a parent over time. For me, it has been very worth it (no matter their major). But as others have said, it is a highly individual choice. Just wanted to say that I don’t think anyone is carrying $60,000/year of college expenses as loans for each of their kids.
@Walker1194 - if you don’t want debt, don’t take it. But I take offense at being told what is/is not not a “reasonable” choice to make with MY money for MY child. I do think it’s worth it, and therefore I am paying for it. I get fiscal responsibility, and the idea that lots of people have to make hard choices etc- but one thing I get tired of on CC is what strikes me as parent shaming of people willing to pay for big ticket schools.
H and I wish we could make an expensive school work for each of our boys. The older two are quite talented and, despite what their report cards “report”, are both quite smart. We encouraged S#1 (a writer) to apply to an in-state “Ivy” and we REALLY wanted one of the top Art schools to work out for S#2 (he was a Nat’l Merit Semi-finalist who found out you don’t get to be a finalist if you don’t show up for English class for most of your junior and senior year). We BELIEVE in their Art. And we BELIEVE in getting an outstanding education. When each of our boys was born, we imagined waving goodbye as we dropped each one off at a “Top School” - Golden Ticket in hand. The reality turned out that neither of the older ones was ready to be handed such an opportunity. In our heart of hearts, H and I are hoping they grow up enough to go to top-notch masters programs, or get a 2nd degree (provided one of them makes it through the first one).
I REALLY tried to get MT S (top 10 in his class, “decent” GPA, NMF) to apply to a Harvard, or Northwestern, or Brown, or. . . believing that the cohort of students around him and the educational “richness” of such a school would somehow translate to the “security” of having a group of smart, like-minded, ambitious, talented, creative, hard-working people who would develop into a creative force to be reckoned with and together would conquer the theater/film/music world. And somehow we would make the financial picture work. That was MY dream. S was ONLY interested in BFA programs that would hone his performance skills. OK, then how about NYU, or BOCO, or. . . As a family with S’s full participation, we decided that being within driving distance would be better for him and us logistically. He wanted to apply to CMU and UMich as reach schools. H and I had many discussions about, “what will we do if he gets into one of those?” Despite our stand on “no excessive debt for college”, I’m not sure what we would have done. The decision was made for us. I don’t fault anyone for the college decisions they make (although I DO think mortgaging the house and emptying the retirement account is dangerous). I still have a few “what if” thoughts about schools he didn’t apply to. There are a zillion paths post-HS. Whichever one you/your children take, you/they are choosing NOT to take others. But that doesn’t mean the paths won’t intersect each other many times over as the future unfolds.
I’m still holding out for S to team up with his BFF from HS - a BFA Acting major at NYU. I just KNOW they could take the world by the tail. . .
I don’t think Walker was “shaming” anyone. He/she prefaced the post by saying “IMNSHO” (in my not-so-humble opinion) - in other words, it’s just his/her personal opinion, not a fact. Walker also said, “The amount of debt and what’s reasonable for your family is highly individual” - clearly that means each family can and should make the choice that’s right for them personally, and it’s not one-size-fits-all. Nowhere did Walker claim to be saying what was reasonable for EVERY family.
Like @mom4bwayboy, I encouraged a more academically rigorous program but my S reminded me just before he wrapped up his applications that this was his path, not mine. True young Skywalker; may the force be with you!
I still remember not being able to breathe when I initially realized D would be a full-pay student at Northwestern until her brother started college two years later, but looking back (she graduated in June and S is a Junior at NU) I honestly can’t think of any money in my lifetime that I consider better spent. Both kids have enjoyed incredibly rich learning and life experiences and have formed friendships with so many bright and creative people who are already beginning to permeate their respective industries. Both kids have grown and changed in ways that we could never have imagined, plus our tuition money has helped to support a community of artists and educators at their school. And both kids could have graduated early (D skipped 2 quarters for professional contracts and S can finish his Masters in 4 years), giving them both the opportunity to save on tuition.
We managed to get through debt-free (the school came through with exactly what help we needed, when we needed it) and now that we’re past the tuition years we can afford to eat out and travel more often, but it honestly wasn’t as large a hardship as we anticipated. I think that while the FAFSA EFC is more than most people want to contribute, most people I know have been able to make adjustments to make it work.
Also, NU was far more generous in adjusting for two kids in college simultaneously, plus enabled both kids to finish early, so in the end was less expensive than our state flagship school would have been.
Just saying that I WISH we had had the opportunity to pay our EFC instead of two to three times it like we did, but we are also going to be okay (because we saved like Depression survivors) with not zero but, I think, manageable debt for the boy.
@actorparent - you are entirely correct, but in MY NSHO - there is an underlying judgement - and it is NOT unique to the MT forum. On one of the sharing/venting threads there are a couple of articles posted - both REALLY funny, about how it doesn’t matter where you go (the one where no one gets into Stanford had me laughing out loud) But it illustrates a divergence in the college world. There seems to me to be two schools of thought: 1. have your kid go to the “best” school (whether academic or artistic) regardless of $$, or 2. make finances the top priority, and perhaps let go of names to seek better $$. And there IS NOT a correct answer. One of my top students last year turned down Georgetown to attend Bowling Green in Ohio (a mid-level public university) b/c she got fantastic $$ there, and Georgetown “only” gave her about $10k in scholarships. Her life, her and her family’s choice- and I fully support it - even though it’s not the choice I would have made. The thing is… I never read on CC “I can’t believe so and so chose a less prestigious college when they had other options” but I do read “I can’t believe anyone would pay that much $$ - that’s crazy”. And to ME - it feels like shaming- like I am wasteful, or don’t care about my financial future. Perhaps I am just being over sensitive - but that’s how it feels
I didn’t think the point of the very funny Stanford article had to do with the cost of the school so much as the unbelievably low acceptance rates at elite schools like Stanford and the Ivies.
@toowonderful, I hear you, and I feel your pain. I, too, would have made a different choice than your student and her family who turned down Georgetown for Bowling Green. But I think the other thing that gets to us is the undercurrent (mostly from Muggles, not the people on this MT forum, who get it) from friends/family who say/think/imply, “Why on EARTH would you spend THAT much money on THAT major?” You know, the same people who ask your kid what their backup plan is. The people who question why you, as a parent, would “allow” (or encourage, or enable) your child to spend money/incur debt for a MT major. My D was valedictorian of her HS class, from a HS where every valedictorian got into (and usually attended) Harvard. If I had a dollar for every person who looked at me like I had three heads when I told them where my D was going to school, we would be debt free right now. 
It is a very personal choice, and financial circumstances vary, and the maturity of the kids vary. My husband and I wanted our D to go the school where she felt she would get the best training for her. Where she felt like she would have the best chance of success after school, however you define success. She picked a school (School B) that fell in the middle of the pack, between the (almost) free ride (School A), to one of the most expensive schools out there with zero aid (School C). And we had no problem with that. In fact, we wouldn’t have had a problem with the most expensive one (School C) either, because we felt like she knew what she needed more than we did. We would have done whatever it took to get her where she wanted/needed to go. We were lucky that we could afford to, lucky she got the scholarships she got. I feel like, as parents, we invest in our children, b/c our children are our future. We care very much about our financial future, but we also care about our children’s happiness and success. Everyone does what they think is right given their very individual circumstances.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, I agree with you, we did what you did, but there are plenty of people out there who do it differently. We all love our kids, all want what’s best for them, all have different circumstances, and our decisions are going to be all over the map. We all have company in our decisions. It is what it is. And you should be proud of how you handled your situation. No shame, ever.