This is such a hot button issue. My S chose to go to Texas State over Carnegie Mellon. We worked and worked with Carnegie and got the cost down to a reasonable student/parent debt amount over 4 years. S says he made his choice on a myriad of factors, the major one being that Texas State felt like home and the better fit. If he had chosen Carnegie we would have found a way to make it work but it would have been difficult. But I still wonder if I should have “steered” him to the “big” school? Some guilt because I, as a parent, and the primary payer for this education, was elated that he chose Texas State (although that elation had to do with a lot more factors than just cost). I guess what I am saying (and saying badly) is that it IS a personal choice. But that choice is not without some “what ifs” no matter which way you go.
@monkey13 - thanks 
And you bring up a GREAT point. Maybe one of the reasons it bugs me on CC is b/c I have an expectation that people here will “get it” - b/c I have give up expecting the muggles of the world to do so @MTDadandProud - I think “what ifs” are the nature of parenting- no matter what the topic is
@MomCares not to put you on the spot but you started out saying you were full pay at Northwestern then you talked later how they helped make it affordable… After being full pay at a mid level expensive school, I do not ever want to experience that battle again - the financial aid office was not friendly or even remotely kind to my son. I don’t consider NU mid level but my sons was (American) and it really influenced where I let my daughter apply. I figure he just wasn’t a good enough fit and AU didn’t care. I only ask because I am curious how other families pull it off and if we are doing something wrong? It sounds like you weren’t really full pay? Congratulations on a great degree from a great school for both of your kids!
@toowonderful I agree with you with saying what you do with your money is your business. It most definitely is your business and your families decision. I am totally the parent who can’t afford an expensive school. No CMU, NYU etc…now if my D got accepted there and I COULD pay for it would I? Hmm probably not. If I have faith in my kids talent and tenacity etc & she got accepted to one of those and also got accepted to a well respected program that was less money, then I probably would choose the lesser expensive school. But that’s just how I roll. I couldn’t bring myself to pay the money. I just couldn’t do it. I definitely would not incur large debt to do it. It’s almost the principal of the matter .
If the lesser expensive school has great training by qualified teachers/staff and provides opportunities as well then it’s ok with me. Of course it would be awesome to get that top tier, expensive school acceptance because it certainly is validating but again, as everyone keeps saying over and over, “it’s not the school that gets you the job” so…I guess my question is “why are people paying for these schools then?” I am not being sassy either, I’m truly asking " why are you paying?" If not for the name then what? The training? But you can get that elsewhere right? There are tons of great schools listed on this forum that are great deals. The connections? Other programs have connections too… Just wondering…there has to be some degree of " I chose it because of the name prestige" and that’s ok. I’m just not that person. I drive a 2006 Honda & buy consignment store clothes…lol and if I had tons of bucks I still would drive the same car & buy used clothes…
@theaterwork - it’s not the name, or the connections, and I agree that excellent training can be had at any number of places at all price points. It’s the idea of a once in a lifetime opportunity. No matter what happens in the future - D has already lived her dream. She is in the center of the theater world, seeing mind blowing art by the world’s best performers (last week it was David Tennant in Richard II, tomorrow it’s She Loves Me - both tix $15) She lives in her dream city and has made it her own. And for gravy on top- she is getting a world class education in both theater and liberal arts.
Hope that answers your question.
No problem, @lake4 - I’m happy to explain! The first two years we were full pay at Northwestern, as our EFC was just slightly above the level of full tuition. When our younger S entered college (coincidentally the same school but in a different major), our new EFC for each kid was almost exactly half the cost of tuition, so the school automatically reevaluated D’s financial aid (no battles required) and gave grants and scholarships equaling roughly half of each kids’ tuition. In addition, they gave both of our kids generous paid summer internship opportunities, and also paid for several performing trips for D. Although we started out full pay, in the end I consider them to have been extremely generous.
Hope this helps!
@theatrework - I’m also happy to answer your questions from the perspective of our family. We always felt that solid MT training can be cobbled together for less money than you’ll pay for most programs, so we were not at all unhappy (though a bit surprised) when D decided her top choice schools were all BAs from highly respected universities (Northwestern, Yale and Brown in that order). We felt that in the case of all of these schools we would be paying for fantastic MT training and top-notch professional contacts, but also for a world-class college education that would have value 15 years from now should our D later decide (as most MTs will) to pursue another profession. I went to college once for theatre and then a second time years later for engineering, so maybe in a sense I felt we were getting two degrees for the price of one. My husband went to Columbia, and also felt that going to top schools provided him with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to form relationships with world leaders in his field (both today’s leaders and those of the future) and I think both of our kids are already reaping the benefits of that.
I agree that motivated and talented kids can succeed no matter what path they follow, but these are some of the reasons we were happy to pay for D to attend her school of choice.
@MomCares- VERY well put- and a large part of our motivation as well, which is why Northwestern and Brown were on our list too
On the financial aid topic above…our two kids overlapped during the college years as well. While they are two years apart chronologically, D2 (MT D) started college after her junior year in HS and so they started college just a year apart from one another. D1 went to Brown for undergrad. Her financial aid package increased by a lot starting in her second year because we had two in college (as @MomCares shares a similar story).
@theaterwork I respect your choices, truly I do. You mention that even if you had the money, you likely would not choose the more expensive college option if your child were admitted. We felt differently. We wanted our kids to attend any school that they wanted to and got admitted to, and didn’t base it on the lowest sticker price. This was worth it to us because we feel that each child landed at the perfect fit school for herself. Then, we made it work.
My kids did not pick their colleges based on prestige. It is true that each daughter went to very well regarded colleges (and one also went to very renown graduate schools). They were looking for schools that fit them and where they could also feel challenged and to be with like minded students and so on. While older D was admitted to University of Pennsylvania as a Ben Franklin Scholar, and it is an Ivy League school, ,when she was narrowing down her final choices to revisit in spring of senior year, she eliminated Penn because she liked Tufts, Smith, and Brown better. Yes, she would have picked Tufts or Smith over Penn, an Ivy. She did land at Brown but it was her favorite of her accepted schools. And once she attended we could see she had found her perfect fit school. She attended two grad schools, MIT and Berkeley. When she was admitted to Berkeley, she turned down Stanford to attend Berkeley because she felt the program was a better fit. Anyway, I firmly believe that a strong, motivated student can succeed no matter where they are planted. My kids went to a ho-hum rural public high school and have been successful in college and career so far. But with college, since they got to pick where to attend, we paid for the EXPERIENCES they had at their colleges (and grad schools)…not for prestige or connections, but simply a great education, stimulating learning environments with kids similar to themselves, challenging courses right for their level, and the many experiences outside the classroom at their respective schools…just were world class and very enriching. It doesn’t matter that much the name of their school on a resume, but more the experiences that these colleges afforded them that were worth it for the time they were there and for what they have led to since graduating. While I think my kids would have reached similar career goals had they gone to other schools, what makes it really worth the price where they attended is how they loved the experiences they had at their schools and they really fit them so well. Not every school is a good fit, even if it is a good school or program.
@soozievt - I completely agree.
I really appreciate all the input in this thread. We are struggling with weighing the cost vs fit vs long-term education benefit (not sure I’m capturing that last one well but @momcares alluded to it). I think it is difficult to tease apart. This next month will involve some very difficult decisions for all of us. Our D has enviable options, I know, but it’s still a difficult decision for us. None of us has a crystal ball so we have to go with what we know and what we learn over the next four weeks, and then it might all change if our S or D gets off of a Waitlist. I wish everyone the best in this process. I know I’m going to ask all the questions I can from these programs and offer up a lot of prayers in trying to discern the next step to take. This kid has worked so incredibly hard for these opportunities, like so many of yours. We want to make the best choice we can for her. Thanks to all of you who are offering your thoughts on this topic. Reading all the different views really helps inform my decision-making.
As a single mom, I took the strategy of considering prestige, fit, and price, altogether. I made it clear to my kids from the get-go that they had two hurdles to overcome: Getting in, and then affording it. Our EFC has been very low; we are high need even by FAFSA standards! So I actually targeted schools with large endowments that had low- or no- debt commitments. I was fortunate to be able to do this because my kids mostly had high grades/SAT scores; stats do give you leverage. Nothing is guaranteed, of course, but for us, some of the private schools that accepted my kids ended up costing less than our state university (often much less). And at times they did turn down their ‘dream’ schools if the offer didn’t come through. It is what it is. Some costs are not a matter of budgeting; it is just plain out of your reach no matter what you do.
Regardless, this is a very personal process in that nobody knows your finances, and also everyone has different priorities and each kid’s needs are unique. For me and my kids, education is extremely important, more important than pretty much anything else. For instance, I live in a small rental to save money for education. But not everyone shares my values, and I respect that.
Whatever your choices, the process is daunting, that’s for sure.
I know this topic is controversial. I apologize if anyone was offended by my post earlier. I realize that top tier schools provide opportunities that are phenomenal and your child is blessed to get to experience that @toowonderful .
@theaterwork you do not need to apologize for broaching a touchy subject! The more controversial topics yield the most fruitful (and useful) debates.
@theaterwork , your post made me smile, as, at the moment you posted it, we were in a thrift store celebrating a great find of D3’s: a real American Girl Doll for $6! She had some marks on her that cleaned up easily, and someone had fun cutting her hair a bit (might “splurge” on a replacement wig), but D3 is happily trying clothes on her. Ka-Ching! The thrill of a good buy!
Back to MT, though… I do think that great connections and training are present at many schools. Moreover, a great education is found at many, including, as we’ve discovered, arts universities. Quite a few have the added benefit of being in fantastic theatre and arts cities and districts (if that is, indeed, a benefit in the student’s eyes). Again, it all comes down to fit: some are willing to pay more for it all, some are praying for scholarships (like us), and some place a priority on the least expensive option. All are great!
We were lucky/blessed. D got her dream school (even though she didn’t know at the beginning of this process that it was her dream school), one that starts at what, to us, is absolutely unaffordable ($56Kish), but is actually ridiculously inexpensive now through scholarships and some university grants. Others are lucky/blessed. They get their dream schools (whether or not they knew they were dream schools at the beginning of this process), and their parents are able and willing to pay no matter what the cost. Others are lucky/blessed. They get their dream school (whether or not they knew they were dream schools at the beginning of this process), and tuition is “cheap” to begin with. In any case, there are a lot of lucky/blessed people here!
“I’m truly asking " why are you paying?” If not for the name then what? The training? But you can get that elsewhere right? There are tons of great schools listed on this forum that are great deals. The connections? Other programs have connections too… Just wondering…there has to be some degree of " I chose it because of the name prestige" and that’s ok. I’m just not that person"
@theaterwork - you asked a series of questions- and I tried to answer them. Your post (which I quoted above, and yes, it did bother me, but I’ll get over it- don’t worry about it) implied that prestige was the primarily motivation- and it wasn’t, so I tried to explain. You don’t need to apologize for your own opinions- you are perfectly entitled to think whatever you want about anything you want. But I stand by my earlier comments that no one deserves to be shamed for their choices. You pick the type of school that works for you- I am happy with the one we picked
By the way, I enjoy thrift shops and bargain hotel rooms from Priceline as much as the next person, and we opted years ago for a much smaller and more basic home than we could have afforded. As @connections mentioned above, don’t assume that people who opt for higher end schools are spendthrifts, because most are not.
Amen! And, I think in the past, it was sometimes perceived (whether or not that was the poster’s intention) in the opposite - how can you NOT sacrifice all for your child?!?! Too many variables for a one-size-fits-all answer, in either direction.
And, as far as some of the “top” schools, which often also have some of the “top” prices - my big issue is that some people assemble their audition lists solely based on that reputation, and not on their own investigations of whether the programs are actually places where they can thrive and grow. IF a “top” school is great for you - go for it! But, don’t go into it based solely on the name recognition.
@MT4Life
Agree. I truly do not believe posters are so black and white as what sometimes comes across in “posts”, but it often does read the way many have said. “If you pay you are crazy”. “If you do not pay you do not really care about your kids education”. “Only the top ten schools are of any real quality”. “Many schools can offer the same benefits, therefore why focus on the lists”. Sometime our kids just go to schools rather randomly, sometimes they do not have an "ahh this is my school!!"moment!. It is often much more random. My hubby and I went to schools we never visited, he to the #1 or#2 IVY depending on the list, me to a random public school in the sun I picked out:) He is the first to say the school you go to is not the critical factor, go where you feel it works, and yes it may be a guess based on a webpage. Then make the most of it you can, I agree with that. At 18 it is really hard to know if a school is you, some do, many do not. I have many friends and relatives that thought they had found the “it school” and left in a year. Others as have reported on these boards that were not 100 percent sure and then loved their choice in a few months. For many I do not think college ends up being a love or hate it thing,you just make it work.
@theaterwork,I’ll see your 2003 Honda and beat it. I drive a 2001 Honda CRV. Manual stick drive and not fancy. Best car I ever owned and I’m keeping it until it dies or I pass it along to one or the other of my kids. Both kids learned how to drive on it and there are various dents that prove the history of the process to getting the license or deserving it. And my kitchen is vintage 1980. Good with all of that.
A few days ago I sent my last check to NYU Tisch - the world’s most expensive MT program maybe tied with CMU though I think the housing cost will break the tie. Who wants to drink with me? I’m buying so you should all say yes even though most of you may think the choice to pay for such an expensive MT education was was crazy. I’m good with the crazy.
But back to the OP. We chose to find the money and it was not the equivalent of clipping a toe nail. It wasn’t simple but we could so we did. I endeavored to represent the good, bad and the ugly about our choice over the last 4 years fairly. I also defended the merits of the Tisch program when it was called for which to be honest was not always an easy task.
I’d love to have the money we spent on our soon to graduate senior in the bank. Who wouldn’t? I still would not have spent that money on fancier cars or trips or whatever. I am not made like that and I’m good with our choice to put it into education. That choice will not get our daughter to a Broadway stage any faster than people that make a different choice and nor should it. But drinks are still on the house… I’m pretty happy to be on this side of the journey.