<p>My mom has always been a talker, but it’s really become a problem. She is visiting this week, and goes on and on and on. She rehashes every thing she does and every conversation she has, and literally fills in the gaps with, “blah, blah, blah…” It is exhausting! She also gives unsolicited advice on everything. She even gave my SIL advice on not talking too much in a job interview - LOL :).</p>
<p>I am somewhat used to her constant chatter, and she has a heart of gold, so I just put up with it (she lives out of state, so I don’t see her all that often). However, today, I brought her for a visit at her sister’s house, and she was talking over and interrupting everyone, and it was really embarrassing. She actually interrupted my cousin and changed the subject when he was updating us on his son’s cancer battle - ugh! When I was leaving, my aunt walked me out and asked how I put up with my mom’s “energy”, and I honestly felt bad for leaving my aunt alone with her.</p>
<p>Mom is only 67, and still very active and pretty sharp, but I fear she is turning people off with her constant gabbing. Does anyone have experience with people like this?</p>
<p>OMG! This is my daughter. I only recently realized we weren’t having conversations at all. She actually gets mad when I interrupt her monologues. It’s very frustrating. But, now that I understand this dynamic I pretty much just nod and listen. Well, usually. It’s a lack of awareness that I was hoping she would outgrow. Yikes! Here’s hoping.</p>
<p>I feel your pain, westcoastmomof2. I’m sure you were mortified when your mother interrupted your cousin, especially when his subject was so important. </p>
<p>My MIL and my sister never shut up. My MIL is also a terrible interrupter. When there are several of us in a room, and I am engaged in a conversation with someone, she’ll attempt to interrupt with a completely different subject. I’ve learned not to make eye contact with her and to continue looking at the person with whom I was already having a conversation as I nod my head and try my best to hear the rest of what they are saying. My sister isn’t so bad about interrupting, but that’s pretty much because no one can get a word in edgewise once she starts talking. They both embarrass me a lot.</p>
<p>LOL! My Dad became like this after he retired. It’s a shame because while I considered inviting him on our family vacation I decided against it because the incessant chattering drives DH crazy. He has a heart of gold, but that chattering sends people running for the hills!</p>
<p>Perhaps your mother yammers on and on because she is trying to compensate for not being able to keep up conversations due to her hearing loss.
If she controls the conversation she doesn’t miss out because she can’t hear.</p>
<p>Whatever the reason behind the incessant talking, I think a conversation is needed (if you can manage to pull that off!!!)</p>
<p>I would talk to her alone and try to put a positive spin on it. Tell her that she is interesting and enthusiastic but that you have noticed that, lately, she interrupts a lot and isn’t always aware of others who are trying to be a part of the conversation. She really may not be aware on this tendency.</p>
<p>Flossy, same for your daughter, if you don’t mind me saying. She is young and still malleable! Lol.</p>
<p>Sigh. We’re working on it.
I wonder if in the OP’s case it’s a recent change or just the way she has always been. That would make a difference in trying to figure out what’s going on and how to fix it.
With my D socially she’s almost shy. This only happens with people she is very close, too. But, it’s really something. Goes on for hours. LOL.</p>
<p>^^^
reminds me of that commercial years ago with the couple driving a car and their little daughter is in the back seat yammering away, on and on and on. Then they pull up to the drive-through to order her a shake just to shut her up.</p>
<p>Pet peeve about talkers: people who insist on telling you every detail of the dream they had last night. I don’t give a rat’s a** what kind of garbage your subconscious was spitting out while you slept. I’m busy!</p>
<p>OP here. Fortunately (or unfortunately), hearing loss is not the cause. Mom has always been a talker; I remember as a child hating going grocery shopping with her because she would offer complete strangers advice on picking out produce, or tell them about the great deal on roasts in the meat department. She really is trying to be friendly and helpful, and knows that she talks too much. She just can’t help herself, and it seems to be getting worse. Thank God her husband is a saint!</p>
<p>I feel for you wcm2. My problem is not incessant talking - it is incessant humming. My mom lives with us and decides to start humming loudly whenever it is quiet - like when I’m trying to fall asleep. It is like nails on a chalkboard. She also talks a lot when she is in her room alone watching tv. I think both issues stem from living alone for many years and talking to herself to keep herself company.</p>
<p>At age 67, she’s not going to change, and there’s no point in trying. The people who know her, like your aunt, understand that this is just how she is. There’s no obligation for you to try and stop her. Just be grateful you don’t live in the same house with her. My dad developed an invisible ear lid, to block out my mom’s constant stream of wordswordswords.</p>
<p>I don’t know. Westcoastmom said that her mom has a good heart and is pretty “with it”. I wonder if you gently pointed out to her that she interrupted your cousin while he was updating on his son’s cancer, if that would be a bit if a wake up all.</p>
<p>I’m 52. It makes me sad to think that in 15 years I will be considered by many to be too old to change!!!</p>
<p>I’ve spent quite a bit of time with people like this, and maybe it’s because I try to be a good listener or I can let my mind drift while they talk, but I don’t mind it that much. Sometimes, I’ll really want to say something, so I’ll hold up a finger (not that finger – index finger) and say something like “Oh before I forget I wanted to tell you” and I get my “news” in. </p>
<p>I think some of the people are nervous or worried about gaps in the conversation (you know, when people are actually thinking about what to say next) and they want to “keep the conversation going” so they blather because oddly they think they’re being polite.</p>
<p>My husband is an incessant talker. Honestly I have learned to tune out a lot of his talking and he doesn’t seem to notice. However, when he interrupts I listen to that sentence, then turn back to the person - many times my own daughter - and just get us back on track - what were you saying about science class? Sometimes at the time I’ll tell him - you are interrupting a conversation we were having. </p>
<p>Everything always circles back to his experiences and memories and he isn’t 50 yet! But it’s almost like he can’t relate to a situation unless he tells you a story that had something to do with it. The worst is when he stands there trying to remember the persons name in the story that has nothing to do with anything. Joe Smith, no not Smith, Jones and then goes on a tangent about someone he hasn’t seen in 30 years that he’ll never see again and I couldn’t give a rats ass about. </p>
<p>I know more men who talk endlessly than women.</p>
<p>It’s my observation that some people become more self-absorbed as they get older–it may relate to living alone. I observe this with my own mother–we just got back from a trip to Europe, and when I called her she asked me almost no questions, but instead told me about what she had for dinner, her exercise class, etc. I don’t know if there’s really anything to be done about it.</p>
<p>My MIL talks non stop and about 95% of the time it is about her. I think it stems from loneliness and insecurity. FIL completely tunes her out and they don’t see a lot of other people, so when she is with us we are her captive listeners. Also, she likes to make sure we all know about her accomplishments, travels, etc. as a way to feel good about herself (she has very low self-esteem). If anyone has anything to say, she will take over the conversation with her experiences. No one can stand to be alone with her because she won’t stop! Making it worse, I (and my kids) are generally quiet people; happily getting along without a lot of chatter. After about the first day of any visit, even H (who is a wonderful son) is extremely frustrated. At meal times, she is the last to finish by a looooooong time because she never stops talking to put food in her mouth. </p>
<p>If we were to - lovingly - point out that it might be nice to LISTEN, she would be very offended and mope/complain for the next several visits until she got an apology. I guess this was venting versus a suggestion, but at I feel better knowing it is not just my family with this issue.</p>
<p>I concur with previous posts. My mom was always talkative, but a few years ago she started talking over people and has also interrupted some conversations that should have been better respected, like the cancer one. I think hearing loss was a major cause of the problem. She may not have even realized other people were talking, and nor could hear that is was an important topic being covered. Another aspect of this was also low self-esteem, so interrupting and talking over was a way to assert her importance or highlight her status as hostess. For example, she would interrupt someone mid-sentence to ask him if he wanted more food or drink.</p>
<p>I think for some people it’s a control issue, which is an insecurity issue at the root. They need to control the social setting they are in or they feel uncomfortable or insecure. I don’t think they are unaware- at least not completely.
As people age they do tend to lose their “filters.” But 67 is not old or close to it!<br>
It does sound like this is a tendency of hers that has gotten worse rather than just some new behavior. She is probably somewhat lonely. I think I would talk to her. I would do it kindly of course, but she needs to know that it’s not working, and not getting the desired result. Rather than making people want to spend more time with her, it produces the opposite effect.</p>