I try to be mindful for people’s allergies but I am not as concerned about picky eaters and food preferences. Allergies are a chemical and medical reaction. The others can have their preferences and they won’t have a medical issue just because their favorites aren’t present. In my circle, most people just mention outright allergies and quietly avoid the foods that have things they are allergic to. They often offer to bring a dish or two that they enjoy that they know that they can eat and others will also enjoy. That’s what the vegans and vegetarians I know do, whether they are traveling to attend or live in the area.
I’m honored when folks are willing to host and really try not to make any extra work for them. I’m perfectly fine eating whatever I can eat and avoiding what I can’t. H is as well, so is my DIL who is allergic to coconut, bananas, chocolate and lactose. There are others in my extended family allergic to shellfish as well, so I’m not as alone in this as I was growing up.
I have a tree nut allergy daughter and a gluten-sensitive son-in-law, so I definitely accommodate them, which for our Italian family, usually means making a separate GF pasta dish for my son-in-law when we’re serving that and an alternate dessert option for him, when having dessert. We’ve been vigilantly accommodating my tree nut-free daughter since she was four years old, so that part is second nature.
I am hosting for Easter and I do make sure that I’m making dishes that everyone can enjoy. My younger daughter’s BF does not like ham, so I am making sure I have some hearty side dishes for him. We’re a small group of 6 people for Easter which is easier to manage than a large group.
If I was made aware of dietary wishes and limitations well ahead of time, I would do my best to have something for everyone as long as I don’t have to drive myself crazy doing it. I recently had a houseful of college girls on their way to a spring break trip. My D let me know that one was a vegetarian and I made sure to include options for her. Preparing vegetarian and gluten free options is easier than some of the other dietary preferences out there.
I don’t accommodate picky eaters (and luckily haven’t had it come up). They are on their own.
S has peanut and shellfish allergies. He has grown out of his milk, wheat and egg allergies. So I am very mindful of allergies and things like celiac where people really can’t eat certain things. I am also respectful of food restrictions for religious reasons though they don’t apply to me/my family. I do try to offer at least one kind of main dish that is meatless - don’t be afraid to ask for suggestions.
I think it’s fine to let picky eaters find their own things to eat.
When my daughter got married, their local wedding dinner was at a middle eastern restaurant. I personally love middle eastern food. My husband on the other hand ate bread. That was his choice. It’s sustainable for a meal.
Can you do 4 days of that? At what point does it become clear that you have to somewhat accept that the picky eater needs to eat also?
I have some good friends – she is allergic to garlic (it makes her vomit) and he is allergic to eggplant (anaphylaxis). When I feed them, I joke that I’m going to make a really garlic-y eggplant parm.
It is hard to find prepared foods that don’t contain garlic, but luckily when I entertain them, I can just prepare everything myself. It’s not a biggie.
I myself am a very picky eater. If someone served something I couldn’t eat, I’d just poke at it on my plate to make it look as if I ate some, but then I’d load up on other items. Not that difficult.
Several relatives are vegetarian. When they come for Thanksgiving, we still do a turkey but make a meat-free hearty side. Recently, that has been mac and cheese. Another has a milk allergy so we used almond milk to make a fruit custard tart so she could eat it.
In our dinner club, one person can’t eat onions, one has a problem with cheese and I am allergic to shellfish and shrimp. For the most part, we respect that but at times there may be one item on the table that one of us can’t eat. I will tell people if they ask ahead of time, but I also say very clearly that I don’t expect anyone to accommodate me and there is usually enough food even if I skip the main. Although I was a bit salty when my sister kept bringing shrimp cocktail as the only appetizer she would make for holidays at my house. Thought that was a bit rude when there are tons of other options for appetizers
I am celiac and if I am hosting and someone brings something I cannot eat to my OWN house you can bet I am annoyed. I so often can’t eat things at restaurants or other people’s houses, I refuse to have that be the case in my own home.
(Thinking of the guest who wanted to bring pies to Thanksgiving,or the houseguest who gave regular pancake mix and wanted to have us serve it for breakfast. Both knew I can’t eat gluten).
I think it is important to let people know if you have a food allergy. I remember the couple who came to dinner (they were the only guests) who couldn’t eat the lobster risotto I so carefully prepared (shellfish allergy). I was so disappointed that all my effort had gone to waste!
I see your point. Over 4 days i would encourage picky eaters to “go ahead and check out my pantry, refrigerator and freezer and help yourself to anything you see or can prepare that you like”. So put it somewhat in their hands to fill their plate.
I always say after you’ve been to my house once, I want you to see my house as your own. Put your polite manners aside and feel free to go make a sandwich anytime you like!!!
Whenever we have guests for more than just a meal, I ask if there are any foods they can not eat. And I try to avoid them and offer alternatives. And I mean can NOT eat…not just things they just don’t like.
We have friends coming in July, and the wife can NOT eat eggs or mayonaisse (probably because of the eggs). I won’t be making potato salad, unless it’s German potato salad.
You could be like my mom, who looked at me during a family dinner one day when I was a full-grown adult and asked me if I had “turned vegetarian.” I said no and asked why she asked. “I noticed you’re not eating the roast.” I told her that I never ate the roast - I eat meat, but I don’t like beef roast. She asked when that started & I said when I was born. My brother chimed in that I also never ate meatloaf. My mom was flabbergasted. Hey, we knew that Mom’s kitchen wasn’t a restaurant, so I never complained … there was always enough to eat. And she never noticed!
When we have new people over we have a charcuterie - people love it as they get to choose.
When we have our vegetarian daughter (allergic to almonds) and her family over we just cook vegetarian with no almonds. We have started a gluten avoidant diet 3 months ago. This time we just cooked gluten free vegetarian. SIL commented -wow I have never had gluten free foods- can’t tell the difference. H is an excellent cook- so he makes the food great.
Now picky eaters- you are on your own.
I have a nephew who has celiac and a son who is a super picky eater. For my nephew we have special cutting boards, toaster and his own waffle iron. At the last get-together in SF he looked up local glutenfree bakeries and restaurants and picked up food for meals he couldn’t eat. My son brings a supply of food he likes (rolls, sliced chicken or turkey, burritos with refried beans usually and he eats raw carrots - oddly he also really likes chicken vindaloo.) When I am cooking for a crowd like our neighborhood, I try to make sure I have options - especially vegetarian and vegan since we have a lot of friends who don’t eat meat.
When my son was a couple years in, back in the dark ages when nobody knew what gluten was let alone how to avoid it, my MiL wanted him to eat “just a little” because it “couldnt hurt you” . It was a cross contamination thing.
He says Grandma, that’s fine. I promise I will only throw up a little, where would you like me to do that?
Now, years later, she keeps wrappers, buys a separate bag of chips (my FIL likes to eat out of the bag with his glutenized hands) , and doesn’t roll her eyes. Guess what? Both my husband and his brother were dx w celiac too. Not “probably got it from her family”.
Similar story here. I don’t like pork loin, and that seems to be my mother’s favorite thing to make for some reason. One day, DH was talking about my food aversions and mentioned the pork loin which shocked her. I also don’t like zucchini, and she keeps giving me zucchini bread that goes right in the trash. No matter how many times I refuse zucchini, she doesn’t “remember.”
The Food Police thing is so awful. I am fairly picky but not allergic. I can easily make a meal of side dishes or pick things off pizza, etc. No biggie. I don’t ask for special accommodations. But it is so awful when someone points it out to the group. “Chardon, how can you NOT like avocados? What is wrong with you?” Also mortifying is when someone keeps pushing a tray of appetizers and insists you take one. I feel like a little kid forced to join the clean plate club.
My sibling is a germaphobe, and often will bring several side dishes to share (if the host allows it) because sibling is so concerned about food prep hygiene and doesn’t trust things. When I am hosting I welcome the help.
I’m that “picky eater”. I am super picky. There are so many foods I literally cannot get down my throat without gagging (vegetables, nuts, veal, many fruits, eggs, oatmeal, yogurt, coffee…the list goes on and on). The thing is, its not actually a choice. I literlaly can’t swallow these things. Put a tiny piece of lettuce on a sandwich, I’ll gag, even if I don’t see it. People think it’s psychological but it’s not. Although its not really a medical condition, it does make it difficult for me to eat at people’s houses. Luckily, my family and close friends all know what I eat and are accomodating or I offer to bring something that I like. If I was staying somewhere for several days I would definitely bring my own food. If someone cooks, I can usually find something to eat unless someone makes a vegetarian meal. In that case I would probably just order out or just eat some bread and have cereal later on. I really wish I liked more food but I just don’t. I’ve had multiple food therapists, dieticians, and a GI doctor try to help but nothing has worked. Just wanted to give a different perspective that pickiness isn’t always a “choice”.
I have this same reaction to certain foods too. Yogurt, mayo, certain meats. I can usually eat something at an event. But yea, it’s not really a choice sometimes!
Had no idea. I told her it was one of my favorite meals she ever cooked!