How do you handle food allergies, food preferences, and picky eaters when hosting?

Parent Cafe Food
41

I have stopped using the word “picky” to describe eating and now use the word “selective.” I was a selective eater as child which drove my mother crazy. I was taught that good children love any kind of food presented to them and eat it enthusiastically. Bad children do not. I have spent years trying to untangle my feelings about food. While I eat an unremarkable variety of food now I hate it when anyone discusses what I eat or don’t eat or how much or how little. I would never do that to anyone else. Further I would never demand that anyone prepare or provide food tolerable to me.

But I would say to those who are dealing with selective eaters to maybe consider that appetite and food tolerance, like everything else, varies from human to human.

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42

I do consider it very rude to remark about what another adult does or doesn’t eat. A parent may ask their child to try a new food, at least a taste, but otherwise, I try not to remark about other people food options. There are many reasons that people avoid various foods and it’s really personal preference, as long as they don’t make a big deal about it and make others uncomfortable.

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43

People to my celiacs : "How do you EAT that? " or “OMG I would die if I couldn’t eat that, you are so BRAVE” or “Eeew, no, I don’t want some” or “I can’t believe that is normal food, it tastes so good”

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44

When S was young people made all kinds of remarks. “Ugh, how can you eat that?”, “ I would die if I couldn’t eat ”, “ he can’t have_?”

Interestingly, it was always adults who commented like that. Kids were great.

Back to accommodating people, I never remark about what my guests eat/don’t eat. But if someone is highly selective they can’t expect a host to make a selection of foods just for them or for a holiday meal to revolve around them. It behooves them to bring something they can eat, find something they can eat among what is offered, etc.

I spent several years bringing food for S when we went to peoples homes, to parties, etc.

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45

With so many now going “gluten-free” it is important that others understand that celiac is different and that any amount of gluten however tiny can cause weeks of illness. (People on this thread understand, and the same is often true for allergies, including airborne exposure for allergies).

My daughter is very careful but thinks she has been “glutened” recently. Symptoms are GI but lots of other things too, like headache, dizziness.

It is really nice for hosting folks to prepare gluten free but I think she would be nervous about the pots, the oven, and cross-contamination.

We would not mind if people brought pies or other gluten products as long as they were kept carefully separate and we would be in charge of washing dishes.

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46

Presumably, you mean to say that so many people say that they are “gluten free” for non-celiac or non-medical reasons that many people do not realize that some people have to go strictly gluten free for celiac reasons, correct?

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47

We have a gluten free girlfriend new to the family. We had a catered party with some gluten free dips, and I bought crackers for her for the dips etc. She was so relieved that I had the box for her to view.

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48

One time my friend put crackers in a gluten free box- that weren’t gluten free. Then forgot she had done that. We went for a visit and she proudly served what she thought were safe crackers for my daughter. You can only imagine the result: weeks of being sick.

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49

We were once asked to leave a Red Robin restaurant bc the manager said they couldn’t serve burgers without buns and guarantee they weren’t gf. He then said he’d comp our sodas but needed the table for “regular” customers.

I find now that some places will ask if they are simply gluten free by choice, or are celiac. It is much better known than when we started , for sure.

back to food – we sometimes choose to host dessert and games instead of dinner, it makes the food easier because it isn’t a meal.

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50

I’m reminded of the time D20 brought three friends home for a 5 day visit. All of them were GF. One was also vegan, and a pretty picky eater on top of that (the list of foods and food groups she wouldn’t eat was lengthy). Accommodating the GF part was a breeze, but that poor girl pretty much ate some sort of highly processed non-meat burger on a GF bun and/or corn chips and salsa + guac for every meal.

51

When we traveled with folks with allergies and food preferences, they notified the tour operators and were always accommodated to the best of the ability if each restaurant. The vegans ate a LOT of tofu & vegetables but never complained.

They put a sign by each person with food allergies, specifying the allergies. No one ever needed to use an epi-pen, so the tour was a success!

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52

Presumably, they like tofu and vegetables?

53

They were happy that they had SOMETHING to eat and never complained.

54

Plan ahead and ask guests about allergies and preferences in advance to ensure safety and peace of mind.
Offer simple, customizable stations (salad bar, taco bar, build‑your‑own bowls) so picky eaters can pick what they like
To stay sane, staples in bulk and delegate cooking or cleanup tasks to friends or family

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55

My son-in-law was suffering from a lot of heartburn, reflux and other issues. He went to a specialist and had an endoscopy and a colonoscopy to rule out medical issues in those areas and then underwent an extensive food sensitivity work up. While he does not have Celiac, he does have a high gluten sensitivity as well as a sensitivity to a bunch of other foods/additives (mustard, tomatoes, among others).

Cutting these foods out of his diet has completely resolved the issues he was having. Occasionally, he will eat something with gluten if it’s something he deems “worth it” but then he knows he’s faced with days of discomfort as a result.

Strangely enough (or maybe not strange at all) when they went to Italy, he freely ate pizza, bread and pasta for 2 weeks and had zero issues. The processing and chemical additives that the US uses are major contributors to the health issues we have. It’s eye-opening how many additives that are regularly used here but banned in the rest of the world.

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56

It’s interesting, celiac runs in my family, I’ve had a couple of biopsies, but negative, although I do have the gene. One of my kids was diagnosed as a young child, another tested negative but had very extreme symptoms at that point that they did more extensive testing and she’s positive (she gets way sicker than her sister if glutened). My sister also tested negative (but has the gene), she eats 100% gf because it makes her sick (plus eliminated nightshades and such) and is so much better. I really need to try it.

Both of my celiac kids went to Italy recently and said it was great eating there.

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57

Mine were in Paris, and said the same thing

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58

I’ve been watching this thread because I AM that person. And I, truthfully, didn’t know how to respond. I have celiac and a gluten allergy, anaphylaxis to kiwis (which are easily avoided), and most recently became pro-choice vegan. (I’ll eat eggs if they are from someone I know that raises chickens. If it’s a prepared food or we’re out, I just eat things with eggs in them and don’t worry about it)

For context, I didn’t plan to give up “flesh”. It just happened after an upsetting incident with a pet, and now I gag when I think of eating it. It’s partly a moral issue and partly just visceral. However, I don’t put any judgment on people who eat meat (I cook it for my family) and don’t tend to say why I don’t eat meat (beyond providing this piece for context).

First off, eating anywhere gives me TOTAL anxiety. Here’s one example of why [quote=“chardonMN, post:47, topic:3687844, full:true”]
We have a gluten free girlfriend new to the family. We had a catered party with some gluten free dips, and I bought crackers for her for the dips etc. She was so relieved that I had the box for her to view.
[/quote]

Yes, but what most people don’t realize is that once the “regular” crackers are dipped, it contaminates the dip and it is no longer GF> :cry:

Part of my anxiety is that I’m a people pleaser. I know that my good friends go out of their way to accommodate me. It’s just that I also cannot trust most of them (I have a few that are celiac themselves or have kids that are celiac) to not cross-contaminate the food and I end up not eating it. Then I worry that they are perturbed that they went out of their way for nothing or I feel guilty that they went to all the effort. My own mother happens to be the worst offender. She assures me everything is GF/DF, then either I read a label, watch her stick a contaminated utensil into the “GF” food or have her serve things on the same plate. She used to roll her eyes until one day I didn’t catch her and she got to witness 2 days of my Exorcist type puking at her house. Now, I bring my own food and she stays quiet. My brother jokes that she tries to poison me every year on my birthday by serving a specially ordered gf/df fruit tart and then assuring me I can just pick off the kiwis. (After writing all of this, I guess I can see where my anxiety stems from :rofl:)

As for the choice part, I’m more than fine just avoiding the meat parts and I’m not going to vet everything to see if there is chicken stock, eggs, etc. as these things aren’t going to kill me. (Although, I know many do. Again, no judgment. Unfortunately, the DF/GF issues mean even most of the sides aren’t “safe”.

I think if I were your guest, I’d just call and say, “Hey, I have a gluten and dairy allergy. I don’t expect you to go out of your way to accommodate me as I react to cross-contamination and it’s everywhere. To make it even more complicated, I’ve recently stopped eating meat. I know all of this is a pain in the ass. Would you mind if I brought a side dish that everyone can share and I can make into a meal for myself”? I then ask what they plan on serving and if x.,y or z would be okay. I think even with this, I run the risk of someone feeling uncomfortable/resentful with someone at their table eating nothing that they’ve made because the guest didn’t “trust” them.

For extended stays, I bring lots of my own stuff and take over some of the cooking if it’s someone I know well, and if it’s soemone that I’m not that close with, I pack some unobstrusive stuff that won’t take up room in their fridge and I can snack on without being noticed. I’d offer to make a meal, help cook, and insist that we take them out one night. And, hopefully, they’d be happy with a choice that is good at accommodating GF/DF.

When I entertain, I tend to do a lot of “components”. A few proteins, lots of different veggie dishes, and maybe even 2 starches that people can put together any way they want. The leftovers are also easy to combine in various ways for extended stays. Or, if I’m the only gf/df vegetarian, I’ll make a “real” dish and then another version of it for myself(and anyone who wants to give it a try) . I don’t mind the trouble as I know there’ll be leftovers that I’ll freeze and then have dinners ready for me or my family in the future.

We are having good friends over in a couple of weeks. She is a wonderful cook who is often called upon for catering and is also always very conscious of my restrictions (she is one of the few people I trust to cook for me). They make a spectacular meal every New Year’s for our group of friends and I’m a bit nervous as it’s a hard act to follow. I plan on making a full meat/cheese lasagna and then a lasagna with zucchini as the noodles, a delicious cashew ricotta that I make, and maybe a lentil bolognese sauce. Both will be delicious and my guess is they will want to try some of the vegan/gf version as well as it’s a great dish on its own and not just the “lesser” version of the original. I’ll also make a great salad. The lasagnas can be done in advance so that cuts down on a lot of the stress.

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59

Sounds like you’re a VERY mindful and considerate guest and hostess. I’m sorry you have anxiety and given your mom’s history, it’s certainly very understandable.

Many of us can deal with small amounts of cross contamination while others can’t tolerate ANY, so I’m sure it’s very challenging for those with NO issues of allergies to understand. I personally am generally OK or slightly itchy from a bit of cross contamination but try to minimize it.

I’m very sorry for folks who have horrid side effects and health issues from people who intentionally or accidentally mislead people who are highly allergic or celiac into eating things that cause very bad reactions that are prolonged and may require hospitalization.

60

Perhaps it may have to do with the varieties of wheat commonly used in the US versus Italy: What is the difference between American vs. European Wheat? – The Brot Box .

However, for those with actual celiac, any amount of gluten can be an issue. Note that the association of celiac with wheat / gluten was discovered in Europe.

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