When S was small and he had multiple food allergies, we always brought food for him. I even had a “ safe” birthday cake cut into servings in my freezer along with dairy free ice cream which went with him to birthday parties. I brought all of his snack for school, play dates, etc.
Yes, it was extra work for me but I knew he had food he could eat that would not make him sick ( or send him to ER). It was what it was.
I suspect they just bring their own food as noted above.
I have now had three bad experiences with people claiming to be able to provide gluten free food. The first, I was so violently ill I created a hernia, for which I needed surgical repair. The second, on hearing my story said, “Oh, I put some flour in the dessert. I wasn’t going to tell you. My friend who eats gluten free would have been ok with it”
The last time only a couple of weeks ago, the host assured me ahead of time that she totally understood what gluten free was, and that it was no problem for her. When the food arrived, it looked like a breaded chicken breast. I said “Walk me through this, what is the coating?” Reply: “Panko”.
But here’s the thing, I ALWAYS offer to bring my own food, but – all the hosts push back, and push back pretty hard. I suppose I just have to be rude by pushing harder.
So, I guess the point of this post is, if someone offers to bring their own food, graciously let them!
Forget worrying about being rude, it’s your own health at risk. I’d just do it, and if they’re offended, too bad! Much worse to have a guest severely ill.
I went to a gathering with a few vegetarians. One of the participants said that they would make beans and rice. Great! Except that they only put a little chicken bouillon in it!
Do they not know what vegetarian is? 
I think not but that’s a story for another day.
I would never push back on someone who has a life threatening allergy. Celiac is very real, it’s not just a fad.
Problem is, there are many people who claim to be “gluten-free”, “vegetarian”, etc. who are not strict about it, and do not have medical reasons to be strict about it, and their presence “trains” others to see such dietary restrictions as only loose preferences or recommendations, even if there are others who must be strict about such dietary restrictions for medical reasons.
Exactly!
We have this with family members, not understanding granddaughter’s dairy and egg allergy. My D and SIL, as well as myself and other set of grandparents, are fastidious about cooking for her. I have separate pots and pans for her foods unless I am lining with foil.
My D would prefer to bring food for GD, which is still easy enough as she is only 5. GD isn’t bothered by having a different meal than the rest of us when we have dinner at a family members home. Usually my daughter will ask what is being served and bring something similar; so if dinner is pizza or burgers, she will bring the same, safe for GD food. My cousin has a teen with Celiac, so she usually will make a dessert safe for both girls. My SIL thinks if she adds butter to the potatoes, it will be ok for GS, after all, she just used a little.
GD has been doing Oral Immunotherapy (OIT) for her food allergies the last couple of years, and this past year she has been on Xolair. She is at the point where she is cross contamination safe for egg, and can eat some dairy now. She still has to keep her heart rate down after having dairy, so she has her OIT dose in the evening. D is not comfortable with her having dairy at school or if she is going to be running around, but being able to have real ice cream or a piece of pizza is a huge win! Funny, GD has had vegan cheese and ice cream for so long, she actually prefers is to real cheese! Due to a bad reaction last year, her egg dose has not changed; her allergist is not willing to chance it again. Other than baked goods, GD can avoid most egg. Overall, OIT and Xolair has been a huge win.
My SIL is a meat eating pescatarian, which really baffles people! He has a weird cholesterol disease, as does his father and brother. He went pescatarian several years ago to help, and while his cholesterol has not gone up, it hasn’t gone down. He will eat meat or chicken a couple of times a month, but it is rare; he will save it for when there is little to eat at family dinners.
Two different SILs, or one gender-fluid SIL?
Sorry, sister-in-laws adds butter, son-in-law is the pescatarian!
He did. He was in middle school with my daughter and they were at an Expeditionary learning school (lots of field trips, camping trips, overnights). He always had his own food, including his own jar of Nutella and peanut butter. His own corn tortillas. He didn’t let anyone else put their hands in his food because those hands might have touched bread or crackers.
They didn’t have gluten food in their house, but his mother said when they (just the parents) went out to eat they almost always went Italian and ate loaves of bread and huge bowls of pasta!
A classmate from grade school was also highly allergic to nuts and a few other things. He never took food from anyone.
Neither made a big deal about it, didn’t skip parties, but just made other arrangements for eating.
As someone who’s very sensitive to lactose, I love a kosher Jewish gathering serving meat! I don’t have to worry about the salad dressing or wonder if the potato seasoning includes cheese.
I’m very very happy that I’m not nearly so allergic as many others and can eat things that have been cross-contaminated with slight distress (a little itching perhaps). If I had worse reactions, I would also have to be a lot more careful for myself.
I often offer to bring food to events as well but am able to eat around things that I’m allergic to or just avoid things that I believe may be problematic. So far I’m doing fine. I am very sorry for folks that are highly allergic/sensitive and don’t understand hosts who get offended when their allergic guests offer to bring their own food/beverages.
It’s good to hear Xolair is working for your GD. I looked into it for my nut allergy D but with our insurance, the cost is very high (we have a high-deductible HSA and have to pay everything OOP until we reach the deductible). She will be starting her big girl job next month and will have fancy bank insurance. I told her to look into it once she is on her new insurance.
It’s very scary to have to rely on servers and kitchen staff at restaurants to give accurate allergy information for the food they serve. When my D studied abroad in Prague, they had allergy symbols on most menus that made it easier to choose but there was still no guarantee against cross contamination in the kitchens. She is traveling in SE Asia right now and has translation cards for the different countries - nonetheless, she is sticking to basic foods that she has a reasonably high level of confidence in. Six more days and she’ll be back in the U.S., and I can breathe again 
@CollegeNerd67 I totally understand that. When S traveled to Thailand, I was very worried about him being exposed to peanuts. Thankfully the friend he traveled with was fluent in the language and she was able to help make sure he was was safe.
Ah yes…egg allergy. A family was hosting a picnic. Mayonnaise was an ingredient in a lot of things…hard no.
@CollegeNerd67 Besides my GD with the dairy and egg allergy, my D has a peanut allergy; all anaphylaxis. The number of times GD has been to the hospital before the age of 5 is more than we would have liked. With my daughter it was easier to avoid peanuts, but we still had several cross contamination reactions. We have Epi Pens everywhere!
I worked for an allergist and know how Xolair has been a god sent to those with asthma and now food allergies. If insurance denies Xolair, or any medication, you and the doctor need to appeal and appeal until approved. Xolair has a patient assistance program; most of our patients were on it. My D and family have a lowish deductible plan, but they also meet the family deductible in January as my D is on a very expensive biologic for a blood disorder. She pays for that first dose out of pocket and the rest of the year they owe nothing.
@FallGirl D studied abroad which terrified me, but her best friend was with her. All her friends in HS and college knew how to use her Epi and signs to watch for. While in Spain she took cards to give at restaurants explaining her allergy. She also was fluent in Spanish, so I felt comfortable with her travels. She still does not eat in Chinese restaurants due to the peanut use.
Thankfully my D is fine with peanuts. Tree nuts are bad but they use cashews quite a bit and that’s one of her big triggers.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I will have her look into that. We haven’t had luck in the past with our insurance and drug discount programs but it’s worth looking into. I can check with her allergist and see what he thinks.
I remember one of my son’s friends who was VERY allergic to lots of things. His mom was SSSSOOOO happy when I invited him to a party and said of course I’d learn how to use the epi-pen and let him spend the night. She too brought his food/snacks, or said what he could eat. For example, he could have some kind of pizza but it couldn’t have any cheese on it, so I would just order whatever she said. I remember calling her once when he forgot his toothpaste, to make sure the ingredients in ours were OK. They were in a close group of boys, so most of the parents in that group figured out how to work well with his limitations, and were happy we could.