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<p>LOL. You must have felt like sinking through the floor.
So I guess you called her right after that, right?</p>
<p>When my son was deployed a dozen years ago, he mostly communicated with emails. I knew enough not to expect them regularly. The one time he did call it was mid-day there but the middle of the night here. My H woke me up and I heard, “…Son…phone…” and nearly had a heart attack thinking it was someone calling ABOUT him being hurt or worse. I was hyperventilating by the time I got to the phone. S never called again until he was back in the States, and I was profoundly thankful for that. </p>
<p>I think that part of the difference may be whether we are talking about a son texting his mom or a daughter texting her mom. I mean really there is no way DS would be sending me a picture and asking what I thought of a pair of shoes.
Each family is going to be different and expectations for each family is also going to be different. It also depends on the text. For example yesterday DS texted me and said there was an immunization hold on his account. ok I’m here with all the records so I called health services to see why there was a hold now when there wasn’t one last year. Turns out it was a computer error. That was a text that needed immediate attention. Today I realized that his friend left a huge container of cheese balls here on Saturday.So I texted DS to see what I should do with them… Do I expect that he will respond right away… NO. Because it’s not important. Also the worse that can happen is his brothers eat them.
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<p>“nm: cheese balls situation taken care of.”</p>
<p>If my kids take a flight, i do prefer them to let me know they’ve landed safely. A quick “just landed” is more than sufficient. Heck, when I travel internationally, I email my family and let them know I’m now safe at X hotel. </p>
<p>Hi, I just had to tell you about an app I saw on television that a mom created. It’s called IgnoreNoMore-…You download it on your teens phone…if they don’t call you after a certain number of times, their phone is blocked except for your number, 911 etc. The teen answers his phone now!!</p>
<p>Actual text conversation with my son today:
“Your bro got first violin in youth orchestra”<br>
(hours later - I do know his schedule and this is a busy day) “cool thanks for the card mom”
“youre welcome”
“I could have used that $2.25 to buy drugs and alcohol god mom youre so selfish” </p>
<p>What a funny guy!</p>
<p>If you walked in to a room where your D/S is reading a book or doing homework or watching tv, and you asked them a question or said something to them, would you be ok with them not answering you until days later, or ignoring you completely and not even acknowledging that you said something, or even your presence?</p>
<p>I’m not.</p>
<p>And this extends to texting and other forms of communication as well IMO.</p>
<p>The idea that your kid is “too busy” to respond or acknowledge receiving a text is bs except in very limited circumstances, like they are in class or driving or their job prohibits using a cell phone. It takes literally 5 seconds or less to respond in some way to a text.</p>
<p>It’s a question of courtesy and respect.</p>
<p>It took DS 2 1/2 hours to text back… I have been told to go ahead and eat the cheese balls. :@) </p>
<p>I am so far removed from DDs college life that I only know when one of her classes is. Often times if you text your student and they could be in class, meeting with a professor, in a study group etc and maybe read a text but then forget to reply. I know I’ve done that myself. I will quickly read a text while at work, but then get distracted before I can send the text. Next thing you know, it’s 6 hours(or days after) and no response to the person who texted me. </p>
<p>I know I expected a lot from dd during her HS years, but now as a college freshman/young adult, I want to let her find her independence. Everyone is so shocked/impressed that I have let her leave the nest!! Lol it’s hasn’t been easy. </p>
<p>And for the app that blocks your kids phone from being used if they ignore you? I can’t imagine doing that to her. She is almost 19 & has so much on her plate. I think forcing her to be in touch at this point in her life would be very selfish on my part. She reaches out every so often to say that she misses me or that she needs XY&Z. I will often text her a “no need to text back, thinking of/incredibly proud of you” text. I think she really appreciates me respecting her feelings and her need to remove the layer of mommy that has encased her for so long. </p>
<p>I think this generation was so accustomed to having parents who were incredibly involved for 18 years. I think many might have felt a bit smothered by our love?? So I think they are trying to find themselves, I honestly don’t think they are trying to hurt our feelings, ignore us. Their sense of independence is far more important than their need to stay connected to us. They don’t have those paternal instincts and feelings that we do. I know I melted as she walked across the street to meet me yesterday, she gave me a crooked smile and was visibly embarassed by the expression on my face. She doesn’t get it yet, she is far too young and inexperienced, but she will understand how I feel in 25-30 years. When she is the mom of a college freshman.</p>
<p>For you parents whose students welcome the contact, I envy you!! </p>
<p>I don’t really care what other people do. I only care about what works for our family. My kids are happy (most of the time) and successful (relatively) so if they want a little space and don’t communicate with me as often as I would like - OK. I know they love me. They know I love them. They will text or phone or Skype or send smoke signals if they need something. I might continue to send the occasional random text (cat pictures or something funny), they can respond or not. I don’t take it as disrespect, just being a young adult. (I rarely called or wrote to my parents back in college). </p>
<p>I’m actually one who doesn’t check their phone much, and my parents get annoyed when I don’t respond the same day to a text. If something’s important, call, don’t text. </p>
<p>My oldest D is a big texter. Like all kinds of random texts during the day, just stuff she wants to share or ask me to do for her. I do not drop everything and respond right away every single time. Sometimes I forget about them. Luckily, she forgives me. </p>
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If you don’t check your phone much… will you hear it ring?</p>
<p>Ring? My kids always have their phones on silent. They say it’s so then they don’t forget to turn them off in class. So…they have to actually check to see if they have text messages. No point in leaving a voice mail - my younger one never even activated voice mail on his phone. Crazy the way these kids communicate. </p>
<p>Ooh, good point, megpmom. They used to have it on silent a lot. Now that they work they actually have to answer the phone!</p>
<p>My son , two weeks into freshman year, is ignoring my texts, calls and e- mails, most of the time.
I am getting the message that at this point, for whatever reason,he does not feel the need to keep in touch with me very often, at least not as often as I would like.I imagine it is because he is busy trying to settle in college, having a good time but also studying hard. Talking to his mom, texting , etc. is not a priority right now. Selfish? Insensitive? Rude? Maybe, but whatever the case, what am I going to do? I cannot force him if he doesn’t feel like it. It would be even more sad that acknowledging the fact. Because it is sad to acknowledge the fact that he doesn’t ’ feel like contact us so often…
But he is growing, I cannot keep him attached like a baby. It is his turn to live his life, to enjoy a little freedom without thinking about his mom constantly, the way I think about him. I am letting him be the one leading, setting the frequency of the communication, and detach from me in according to his need. We, as mothers, need to let go , because we also,when we were young did not like to have our mothers breathing on our neck. At least I didn’t… We have to understand that they are growing faster than we realize, and we have to let them. I know my son will always love me, but not in the way he loved me as a little boy. If we respect our children , they will respect us. We are the adults, the mature ones, let’s not retaliate if they want some space. I am trying to adjust and not to bombard him with too many texts…</p>
<p>Our kids don’t change asymptotically between day one when they are finishing packing and day 2 when they arrive on campus. Sure they should spread their wings and settle into school, but a little common courtesy goes a long way. </p>
<p>Part of growing up to be an adult is acting like an adult. And I feel that deliberately ignoring communication from your parent is childish.</p>
<p>If he feels that you are communicating too frequently and he feels put upon or smothered, then he needs to resolve it like an adult, and have a conversion where you all work out a mutually acceptable communication level.</p>
<p>And you will probably need to initiate this and use this as a teaching moment, because it doesn’t seem like he is going to initiate the conversation.</p>
<p>My $0.02.</p>
<p>As a mom who dropped my first son off at college three weeks ago and am not getting as much communication as I’d like (two calls and a few texts), this discussion has been really helpful. It’s good to hear different sides of the conversation and realize how different each new freshman is with regard to communication. Trying to give him his space and have decided to call my own parents more often, since that at least is something that I can control. I do have more empathy now for how they felt when I left for college. 
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