<p>@oldfort. It was nice of you to share your situation with the OP in hopes of giving her some very real heart felt advice. Although difficult and uneasy now your new direction will certainly settle into what is ultimately right for you and your loved ones. I hope there are more hills than valleys ( ups vs downs) on your path forward.</p>
<p>OP, the situation you describe with your husband has been going on for some time. It has always been unacceptable behaviour. Although it is difficult, I think it helps to know this is not a midlife, hormonal, crisis that you are reacting to. This is real, this is and has been your relationship and,yes, it really must change for you to be happy.</p>
<p>Some great advice on this thread by some very caring and intelligent people. Taken all together a good blueprint for you to start with.</p>
<p>In your opening post you describe your husbands behavior escalating when you tried to change things. That’s a clear indication your attempt was noticed. He immediately escalated to shut you down. Classic and expected behavior. To break his pattern you need to continue your new behavior until he knows his temper tantrum is ineffective. Not for the faint of heart…and can get ugly. I think your conclusion it wasn’t working was premature.</p>
<p>Just remember, as you change, the unconscious desire of those around you will be to get things back to normal. You have to push through their attempts to get you back to “their” normal. Their frustration, anger, and sadness should subside as they get used to the “new” normal. But not always.</p>
<p>I do believe that living in a tense and stressful environment will shorten your life and destroy your health. We will be pulling for you as you decide to move forward towards a better life for you and your family.</p>