<p>I love that your ex is going to put up your tree. My ex-husband and I do stuff like that for each other and we encounter a surprising amount of criticism – people telling me I need better boundaries or that I need to move on. It is very perplexing. </p>
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<p>This is a YMMV situation. </p>
<p>It’s likely the folks telling you that have never heard of/known folks who are/experienced an amicable/civil divorce where the ex-es continue to act like adults for the most part and do family things together for the sake of their children and/or themselves. </p>
<p>That or from a few cases I know of, that criticism may also come from jealous new SOs of one or both ex-es who feel this “ex-es doing things together” is taking what they perceive as their “rightfully” entitled time and attention away from them. </p>
<p>^^^
My married sister still relies heavily on her ex-H for various things and he happily helps her. Her current H has no issues at all and he really likes her ex-H as well. (we all love her ex-H…lol) There are no children involved.</p>
<p>It is very strange, and most current spouses couldnt’ handle this sort of thing. And maybe it can appear that people haven’t “moved on”. In my sister’s case, her ex-H had a bit of a drug issue during their young marriage (which seems to have gone away) and he is VERY handy, and her current H is not handy at all. So, ex-H happily fixes whatever is broken around her home, redoes her yard, etc. It is really quite strange. But we all love him, so… He’s like a BIL-bonus! When we lived in Calif, he did stuff for my parents and us, too. A nice guy, but had a lot of growing up to do!!!</p>
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<p>I have heard this complaint from friends as well. And, my H has done this a time or two - until I smacked him upside the head to wake-up his filter! My H is extremely funny (has done stand-up), and when he gets going, he would “say anything”. Well, he can “say anything” about other things, but not about private stuff!! At Thanksgiving, H seemed to be approaching a borderline subject about another family member and a quick squeeze to his knee stopped him dead ( I didn’t think it was appropriate to smack his head during dinner 
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<p>I think all marriages have strong points and potholes. Even in the best, there are aggravations. Just marrying doesn’t convey some magic wisdom, certainly not expertise. (And just observing other marriages or listening to stories doesn’t begin to approach what it’s really like, good and bad. The stories are just snapshots.) And we all change, over time, learn to tolerate or decide what we have to speak up about. We outgrow some sensitivities or come to realize where we must draw a line. Ideally, I think we try to see the balance- the forest, not just the trees. </p>
<p>I think, from the beginning, OP is trying to see the balance. No it’s not easy. We wish her the best.</p>