<p>I belong to a group, in which two members (a mother and her daughter) often smell terrible. Supposedly they have been approached in the past by one member, who told them they needed to shower more often. It seems to work for a few weeks, but then the smell is back. I’m not so sure it isn’t their clothing. How do you approach someone with this problem? They are very sweet women, but don’t seem to notice that people are avoiding them.</p>
<p>Oy. When you find out, please let me know.</p>
<p>Maybe send them an anonymous note?</p>
<p>Like Very Happy…I am also interested in how this can be resolved. In my situation it is people who come to work out at the gym reeking like they personally tested every cologne at the local dollar store.</p>
<p>Can you make the problem yours instead of theirs while talking with them about it? Say something like “I have certain allergies (or sensitivites or whatever) to certain odors/scents. I have noticed that the soaps or detergents that you seem to be using is something that sets off my sensitivities. I would like to ask if you would consider using one of these three brands when you shower and do laundry.” And, then make sure that at least one of them is fairly inexpensive, in case the expense of the soaps is what is making them shower less often.</p>
<p>Here’s a question: do you think it’s body odor or CLOTHES odor??? I have been around people who either don’t wash their clothing enough or don’t use enough laundry soap or don’t dry things right or whatever and they have that musty, bad/not laundered smell.</p>
<p>Either way, I don’t have a good solution. How about say you were cleaning out your closet because of a “bag a week” club on this message board you frequent and you want to get rid of this bag full of hotel sized showering products and hope that they take some and use them??? :)</p>
<p>Interesting idea, bajamm. That way I wouldn’t be accusing them of not showering. I’m more worried that they don’t have access to a washer and dryer or maybe their hot water heater isn’t working.</p>
<p>Tough in that situation… I had a roommate with this issue in college, but my RA helped out and talked to her. I wouldn’t know how to handle it with adults in a group. 
Call me a complete coward, but I guess I think the anonymous note might be best.</p>
<p>I’ve dealt with this at work, and some other really horrendous things - like someone in the company wasn’t flushing their tp, they were throwing their soiled tp in the trash. </p>
<p>Usually being direct is best in a work situation but in a casual setting I don’t know I’d have the nerve to address it. Honestly I’d probably avoid these people because in general I don’t want to be friends with people who don’t have it together enough to keep themselves clean. It’s one thing after working out together, but to show up stinky? blech Reminds me of my sons friends in middle school -those boys would just stink. The school would send out reminders to parents that kids needed to use deoderant and take showers. Poor teachers must have been overcome.</p>
<p>You need a super outgoing, fearless sort. One of my managers(male) was working with our IT consultant and he just turned to him and said brother, your halitosis is ferocious, take a mint.</p>
<p>toledo,</p>
<p>Are this people from a different culture that doesn’t bathe as often as we do?</p>
<p>Is it due to lack of money that they might not be washing their bodies or their clothes frequently?</p>
<p>If it’s their clothes, do you know if they have access to washers and dryers? Or if their clothes are dry-clean-only types, might they be lacking money to take their stuff frequently enough?</p>
<p>Knowing the answers to these questions might help you figure out how to address the problem. But I’m still voting for the anonymous note.</p>
<p>They definitely have financial issues. Poor people can shower and wash clothes by hand, unless their water is shut off. Oh dear, now I’m even more worried. A bag of soap, shampoo, and laudry detergent might help get to the bottom of this.</p>
<p>My sister is like this. She is mentally ill, she lives in filth, and she and her family all reek. Like, you can’t get within 6 feet of her without retching. Heaven help you if you get into her car or go into her house. The stench is a combination of all of their teeth rotting, and the spoiled food, urine, and excrement that fill their house. </p>
<p>I’ve given up and just don’t see her anymore. (There are more problems with sister besides just the stench, but I’d say those issues and the stench are 50/50 the reason why I refuse to be in the same room as her.)</p>
<p>She appears to have no idea she stinks and has a very active social life with lots of seemingly lovely non-smelly friends, who let their kids come over to her house. I CANNOT comprehend that. It’s a difficult thing when someone is used to their own stink because they don’t smell it, and they will always have friends who are not brave enough to tell them they stink who will stick up for them and convince them you are just being mean. This is what I would be afraid of even in your situation. You would think my sister’s situation would be indefensible but people defend her and then we, our parents and I, just look evil and mean. We gave up.</p>
<p>I knew a girl in high school who did not smell as bad as my sister but REALLY smelled bad, and her clothes were clean, her family was wealthy, and she grew up in a giant sparkling clean house. I have to assume she had some kind of medical problem, and all the people gently urging her to shower more really hurt her feelings.</p>
<p>Toledo - are these folks recent immigrants? Apparently, we are very smell-sensitive, especially when it comes to BO. People in other countries - not so much. My French buddy would pour perfume all over her body to mask any bodily smells (the fact that it never worked did not stop her). My spouse works with a bunch of foreign scientists, and this issue came up more than once. He would take the new hire aside for a private conversation about the cultural differences, mention the BO issues, suggest the products one can use to alleviate the problem and even give them “samples”.</p>
<p>Mother is Australian, but has been in the US for several years. The smell isn’t a typical BO smell, nor a musty-clothes smell. Often times their hair looks greasy/unkepmt. Are there really medical conditions that can cause this?</p>
<p>Had to do it at work. You call them in and privately tell them. They will get better then relapse and then you tell them again.</p>
<p>My subordinate was sent to the doctor to see if it was medical. It was not.</p>
<p>
This is standard procedure in the Middle East because of water shortages and inadequate water pressure. </p>
<p>We Americans do have higher standards of cleanliness than much of the rest of the world. If it’s cultural it may be best to find a higher up to explain American culture.</p>
<p>Also—there are some recent immigrants who bathe regularly, but whose diet causes body odor. I used to swim at a pool in Korea Town (Los Angeles). I know that these women bathed, since I saw them in the pool and out of the showers. The body odor induced from the Kimchee was still so overwhelming that I had to find another facility.</p>
<p>Are these women wearing synthetic material tops/dresses?</p>
<p>Some of those microfiber or synthetic materials that are being used for many tops and dresses can cause women to smell. Some women combat this by sewing small squares of cotton inside the armpits of those tops…tacking a few stitches to the seams.</p>
<p>It can be strange. The same women who would rarely have underarm odor will have it when wearing those materials.</p>
<p>The smell isn’t like a BO smell, it’s almost like a chemical yucky smell.</p>
<p>Musica,</p>
<p>Yes…kimchee! I had some painters who loved that stuff. I could NOT be in the house while they painted.</p>
<p>Context is everything. Financial issues do make keeping these tasks done harder or at times impossible. I would be thinking about “checking in”, perhaps referring to anything mentioned about current challenges. I would likely do this outside the group. Then if there were any likely possible ways to help, I’d offer- quarters and detergent for the machine, laundry service fees, soaps, etc. If circumstances don’t allow for this be addressed directly and the group was small enough, I’d second your idea of giving a little gift bag of small toiletries I “got at a great sale” and implying that there was more where that came from. Dignity is key here, as is helping to avoid the inevitable isolation. I live in a very nce area; the number of people at our food pantry and community suppers is signficant. Some live in a cold climate without heat at times. Good luck to all.</p>
<p>toledo, you said the mom is Australian?? That’s hardly a “foreign” culture. Totally western and English-based, as are we.</p>
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