Young people don’t have it harder today. Yes, it maybe hard to afford a house and send kids to college if one chooses to be under-employed, or follow one’s passion and dreams. We had to make those choices when we were young too.
If I were to have a dream like this, why not have a bigger dream:
I wish I could be as young, healthy and energetic as a 20 yo, but still have the same amount of savings in the bank I have today.
I remember that when I was in the 20s, I said if I had only $3000 dollars, I would have considered my finance as very secured! (Now I think I would not be so sure, unless I have 300-400 times larger than that! People are greedy or not!)
I cannot fathom knowing who paid for what on my kids’ first date. Or any date. Can’t imagine something like that coming up in conversation. Maybe "whats she like? Where’d you go? Did you have fun? Maybe, if bold, I might ask “Are you planning on seeing more if her?” but never "Who paid for what? Did you pay? Did she offer to pay? or anything similar.
Young adults need to learn to manage their money. Some are too loose with it, some too tight, and hopefully they ultimately learn to find a middle ground that is comfortable. DH and I feel pretty confident that we have done a good job teaching our kids fiscal responsibility, and they seem to be managing their finances well. They are different in what and how they choose to spend their money. One is more into the best deal, the other is into “time is money” and does sometimes pay for convenience. But that said, they both still manage their money well. How much they choose to share with us is their call, and the specifics, unless they ask for advice or input from us, is none of our business.
Once, when one s was in college and we gave him a monthly “allowance” for expenses, he seemed to be spending much more than budgeted. Turns out he was covering a lot of the utilities, food shopping and gas costs for himself and roommates (and he was driving them in his car), as the roommates were from very limited means, and he rarely asked them to repay him, even though they said they would and were supposed to.
We talked about the kindness and generosity, but also the appropriateness of their all sticking to their financial agreement. We didn’t sign hp to be their free financial aid. He agreed and they worked it out. And then I ordered a full 3 course dinner for the whole house to be delivered to them 
That was my choice, and was appreciated by all. But was not an ongoing event.
I grew up with immigrant parents who were exceedingly frugal. They were so frugal that it was painful. They had no joy in their lives. Every decision they ever made was made with $$ in mind. While I was the beneficiary of that (no college loans)–I never want to be like my parents. My kids are more frugal than I am, which surprises me.
I actually believe that the people now in their 70s yo, born in the developed country, have it easier.
^^^Easier than what mcat2???
You’re making the choice way too easy. I’d ask you these two questions - (1) would you trade away all the money etc. that you currently have if you could be 20 years old again in 2016 ?? (2) would you rather start life in the US as a 20 year old in 2016 or in 1976?? (To make it fair, assume that you’ll be able to have the same spouse and children, etc.).
In my case, the answers are (1) YES (2) 2016.
So, back to topic, the smart thing to do, regardless of the generation, is to live within your financial means and start saving early. Ah, the beauty of compound interest.
Our kids rarely disclose financial details to us–it’s none of our business how they handle their money and we are pleased they are able to enjoy things and still save a lot of $$.
Our kids have never talked to us about who paid what on dates or how much each person pays when they’re together or with other family members (eg cousins). Imho, it’s way too much detail.
Bromfield2, A few come to my mind:
They (the generation who have retired in, say, 1995 - 2005) seem to have an easier time to find a job in their prime years.
They have a higher chance to land on a job that they could keep working for a longer time.
Since they could stay put for a longer time at one location, they could pay off more of their mortgage. So they tend to be able to accumulate more assets.
When they were able to keep the house longer, the house could appreciate quite significantly during this period. When they sold the house, they made a hefty profits out of the house they had been living in. To put it more bluntly, (I could be too “left” when I said this): It is apparent to me that the house in a costly area is a means for those who “have” in the previous generation to “rob” the money of their next generation, turning the next generation to slave away to support their retirement, just because the new generation also need to put the roof above their heads.
A lot of assets in that generation tend to appreciate a lot.
I hope the younger generation will not “hate” our generation (and a generation a little bit older than my generation.)
I admit I may be a little bit extreme about this. But I truly feel sorry about many young people who seem to be struggling to get their career off the ground.
I think that all of us can agree that we have perfect children who are making tons of money and saving I think threads like this are skewed as the people who post are ones who’s children are doing a good job managing their money.
We were a bit worried about D as she complained all the time that she had no money even though she has a good job. I know she was paying more in her relationship as her boyfriend was in graduate school and I was worried that she was supporting him more than maybe she should.
Then she bought a car. And we found out that she had saved enough to buy a car for cash. Then I figured out that spending her own money wasn’t as fun as spending her parents money. And that she was doing fine. Not worrying anymore.
S has always been cheap so never any worries about him. Both kids are doing much better than I did when I was young. I was terrible with money but had low paying jobs and not a lot of guidance in money or careers. I was so lucky to find my H who is much smarter than I am.
My nephews think they want to follow their dreams and be in low paying jobs. They tell us that they don’t mind being poor. They have no idea what poor is. And what life is like without a safety net. I’ve been poor with limited prospects, it’s not fun. And probably why I’ve been pretty adamant that my kids have careers that they will always be able to support themselves. And my H and I don’t have the resources to support our children indefinitely (as I am afraid my nephews will have to be for a long time). We paid for their educations, now they need to support themselves.
This isn’t a comment of any of the other posters here but something I see in my real life all the time. I have retired friends who are supporting adult children and grandchildren.
“I have retired friends who are supporting adult children and grandchildren.” Supporting by giving money on a monthly or regular basis, or supporting by being that safety net for one off emergency situations?
Yes, “support” is a very broad term. Being a safety net is very different from regularly providing $$$ and often “bailing folks out” of financial messes.
Mom like most of the older female relatives in my extended family handled and controlled the family finances and budget and tended to be on the frugal side. A good thing as my father isn’t nearly as good with handling money.
My extended family on mom’s side tends to be fiscally vigilant about not “frivolously wasting money” though most wouldn’t necessarily be considered necessarily “cheap”…even by multi-generationed upper-middle class American or completely assimilated immigrant neighbors.
Mom and a couple of aunts are known for being particularly frugal and it seems like I’m one of the “kids” who inherited this manner of handing personal finances. Ironically, all the complaints about finances from mom and even those aunts from my teen years onwards is that I’m “too frugal” and need to spend more on myself beyond bare basic necessities.
Funny part is I have no problems spending when treating friends and occasionally acting the part of the upstart in the extended family in snapping up the opportunity to pay the entire tab for an extended family dinner outing. I can happily live on a diet of rice and beans for weeks at a time and I don’t see a point in eating out alone* despite the fact I do enjoy good food.
- I view eating out alone as enjoyable mainly in the company with others like going to the movies. Don't enjoy doing those things alone.
This is only “not a huge big issue” if a given couple’s/one’s income is high enough to compensate for that factor for the locale one resides. For most lower middle class and lower income families, saving on grocery shopping could determine whether the family stays on budget or ends up not meeting obligatory expenses such as rent, utilities, public transportation fare, etc.
Even if one doesn’t go into debt by overspending on groceries, the excess spending in this area like other seemingly everyday innocuous areas does add up over time which means one gets less for one’s dollar than they would have…and which could have been applied to other areas for higher quality of life in the longer term…whether it’s savings, down payment on a home, college tuition, or retirement.
It also isn’t always necessarily about the strict dollar amount saved…but about getting the most value for your money.
For instance, saving some cash to buy cellulose fortified grated canned parmesan cheese isn’t a wise spending decision as you’re actually getting far less for your dollar than paying a bit more to get an actual block of solid parmesan and grating it yourself.
Depends as I know of many folks who feel pre-marriage debt…including educational loans should have already been taken care of by the individual borrower him/herself and/or his/her family before marriage and would be wary of entering into a marriage in which those debts weren’t resolved.
Especially for those who are already extremely chary of taking up debt for themselves…they’d likely be more so when taking on the debt of another…especially a future spouse as that debt/credit score will likely be his/her’s as well*.
- Especially in a community property state.
Not in my extended family from my grandparents onwards. Both spouses were expected to work and women even in my grandparents’ generation were working full-time in a wide range of jobs…including professional ones like banking and academia(Profs in Physics and Chem) from the '30s onwards. You’d have to go to my great-grandparents who were born in the mid-late 19th century to find accepting attitudes of being a SAHP.
None of my aunts nor my female cousins were encouraged to be SAHPs and the uncle and few male cousins who ended up being SAHPs had to endure some harsh commentary from some extended family and moreso their neighbors.
Especially my uncle in the US of the late '60s/early '70s when he had a brief spell of extended unemployment despite being an elite U educated engineer due to a cyclical downturn in his engineering field.
“I actually believe that the people now in their 70s yo, born in the developed country, have it easier.”
Yes, my 73 yo father, who had a GED, sure had it easy when he was traipsing through Vietnam in the mid 60s. Those were the days!
Guess what? Life is hard and each generation has its own challenges.
While I agree and practice this myself and it’s seemingly well and good, this in practice still means that men end up asking and paying much more often than women.
This is due to the endurance of long-standing social scripts where even nowadays, men are expected to do most of the asking and women are still heavily discouraged or even socially punished* in many areas/social circles for initiating.
- Some female friends in undergrad and post-college recounted being accused of "desperation" or even being "sexually promiscuous" for being the first to ask men out on an outing. While this attitude among those who hold to the long-standing social scripts was more common in more socially conservative regions of the country, it's also unfortunately present in more socially liberal areas such as the urban NE as well.
I never knew how my parents handled their finances and I don’t know how my ILs handle theirs. I have a sense, of course, but it wasn’t really my business.
Thankfully, we’ve come a long way even in the 20-ish years since you were in college.
This was in no way the experience of myself or my friends. I asked out both of my long-term boyfriends (and am now married to one). This is well known among our friends and family and no one has ever said a disparaging thing about it.
Again, I don’t consider my experiences universal.
You would think I wouldn’t know these details.
My neighbors in their 80’s support their 61 yo daughter. Bought the condo she lives in, leased the car she drives, paid for her divorce(s), supported her while her recent 18 months without a job.
Our friends who bought the house their 35 yo D lives in, got a new car so they could give their not very old car to her, watch their granddaughter more than full time, pay for her other S’s college tuition (2 kids, 16 years apart).
Friends who give their s and wife money every month as they weren’t making ends meet.
Friends who pay college tuition for multiple grandchildren (although I not sure this is supporting) because parents are divorced and no one else can pay.
None of the people I’ve referenced are particularly well off. They all have given up certain things to help their adult children. None live an extravagant lifestyle.
Each time my cousins complained about being hungry before the next meal or not liking what was on our plates, my aunts/uncles recounted growing up as children/teens during the Japanese invasion which predated the US entry into WWII by several years to set their kids and the rest of us cousins straight about appreciating the fact we had food period. Many cousins in their teen/young adult years regarded those stories as another variety of “get off my lawnism” whereas I listened intently as someone strongly interested in history/family stories.
They remembered enduring days without eating and considered themselves quite fortunate considering in being able to subsist on extremely soupy watery rice gruel with little else to accompany it unless they were fortunate to have a dash of salt or watermelon rinds(the green parts most of us would toss into the compost/trash) as many more died of starvation and from being killed by aerial bombardment and other attacks by the Japanese invaders.
One uncle* joined up with a group of fellow young teens to risk their lives performing ad hoc sabotage efforts and anti-Japanese militarist graffiti behind Japanese lines. They did this without being armed and with the sobering awareness that they’d be harshly tortured and executed in the event they were captured by Imperial Japanese military authorities.
My own father not only lived through the Second Sino-Japanese War/WWII years as a child, but also had to live by his wits when he had to flee his home alone at the age of 12-13 when the Maoists were about to overtake his hometown in the late '40s. During his flight, he witnessed much more than most first-world adults would endure in their lifetimes including a complete breakdown in civil order such as being briefly captured by heavily armed bandits who’d shoot someone for their wedding ring only to be let go because “He’s just a kid”, captured twice by communist troops who overtook his group only to let him and a few others go because “they were kids”, and witnessing refugees being blown apart and shot as they traversed areas nearby/within battlefields.
- This was a factor in why he wasn't exactly thrilled when one daughter broached the subject of marrying a Sansei Japanese-American...despite the fact his family had been in the US since the 1890's and weren't responsible for the Japanese invasion and its atrocities.