Re: 80s helped 60s “kid”.
This could happen when the 80s happens to receive windfall which is more then he or she will ever need.
@mcat2, no, no windfall for the parents in the 80’s.
Yea I know. You try to put your mind around it and the situation still sounds crazy.
But I see how it transpired. D got divorced and there was no money. Either through financial infidelity of one or more parties. Parents need to help out and it just keeps going on. When the child seems so helpless and you don’t want them to fail. They have limited skills and no money. It’s a hole you can’t seem to get yourself out of.
I see it in other situations also. Kid gets pregnant, not married, limited options. And it snowballs from there. Parents blink and 10 years have gone by. You help out and it never ends.
As far as siblings go in these situations, well that’s where it gets complicated.
mom2and,
Has the dad applied for short term/long term disability? Ultimately should be able to apply for social security disability. Suppose they could set up a “go fund me” Worked for Jahi McMath.
Our moocher relatives don’t live an extravagant lifestyle (though they do justify overseas trips as part of something or other-- and the IRS seems to disagree with them, understandably). They just seem to think others should pay for things they want, and that if they work, it should only be in something they really enjoy, even if it doesn’t pay the bills. The mom hasnt worked in decades, and the dad in about 5 years. Don’t get me started!
When I was my kids age I didn’t know much at all about the healthcare provided by my employer. I didn’t understand all the insurance options that were out there. I didn’t understand just what 17% mortgage rate was going to do to my future,. I didn’t understand much about finances at all.
But I did not have the internet.
I think my kids have much more info at their fingertips. I also have offered opinions on what we have done and learned about our money although things are different now.
I think my kids know in general that they should save money and have a small emergency fund.
We made many mistakes. They are making their share of mistakes.
They don’t tell us too much. I didn’t tell my parents anything.
Oh well.
Yes, whatever safety net there was has largely disappeared and when folks have tough times, unless they gave generous relatives or sometimes a church, there is really very little available. Scary!
Both of our kids are pretty economical and very good savers. However, we’re still paying for stuff. We have told older son that he’ll soon have to pay for his own car insurance. He can afford it, but he wasn’t too happy to hear that…lol. We still pay for his cell phone service/data which includes his phone, his watch, his iPad and a mini tablet. We’ll be paying for younger son’s stuff for at least 2 more years…
For some reason, S decided to pay the cell phone bill for all 4 of us. It’s about $115/month. I think it’s sweet of him. He pays all his own bills plus has D on his Costco executive membership. He also buys her some plane tickets.
We contine to pay all D’s bills until the happy day her medical conditions will resolve well enough for her to be employable! We all work toward that goal and she keeps productive in the meantime.
@himom I have two lovely DDs that would love to meet a sweet guy like your son! However mine are a bit younger and the younger one has some years left with UG and MBA. However I do think most of our kids would rather use on-line dating than meet someone through their parents.
Sweet, HImom.
“I wonder how many married couples go grocery shopping together?” - As empty nesters, it is our regular Saturday date. Usually we go out for breakfast before or lunch afterward. We also do various errands to the post office etc.
(It was my idea. It just didn’t seem right that he was home watching TV while I shopped, with no kids to oversee at home. I told him I had shopped alone for 25 years, and he could come either along or do it without me. Neither of us realized it would be kindof fun. We shop and meal plan together, and then we do a lot of the meal prep together too. Usually we shop at the nearby Safeway, but one in a while we mix it up with at trip to Costco or TJ etc).
We often run many errands together these days, even me going to home improvement stores with H. When the kids come to visit or we visit them, we see who is interested in going to stock up on groceries, so they can have some of they stuff THEY want and we purchase. It’s fun for whomever has the time and energy to come.
H and I often do short grocery trips together. They are more frequent and shorter now that there are just the 2 of us.
No idea what my kids are doing about dating. S was seeing someone in another city for a while, but that ended and then he told us about it. I know some folks have tried introducing S to friends. I know they both have friends and relatives who met partners online, but not sure how high a priority if is for my kids right now.
We do the major weekly shop together after going to the gym on Sunday. Dh often picks up stuff that we’ve forgotten on his way home from work, and sometimes I do. I think when the kids were young it was more common for us not to go together as it was easier to shop without kids.
We do the errand thing and shopping on Saturday too…but ours includes a trip to the landfill! Sunday we go to the gym and yoga. Sometimes out to eat after that.
But we did the grocery/errand thing even when we had kids still at home.
Oh, when DS is home … he does the grocery shopping. He knows how to do it fairly well because it was his job for summer after hs and freshman college (no job - so he shopped and cooked some of the meals… got pretty darned good on the bbq). One time we went together, and he was so excited about the store choices (vs dining) hall that I had to stop him at the 3rd of 4th cereal box.
One thing my kids do differently is pay most things via debit account. Its good in that they never spend more than they have. But it also means they don’t build much of a credit rating. Happily (and surprsisingly) they have gotten some advantage on our shared family AmEx account … mostly used for JetBlue flights/points but a few other things too.
My DH hates shopping. Rarely do we go together. I go food shopping on Wednesdays… Senior citizens discount day!
I hate shopping but so does Mr R. He hates it slightly less than I do so he does it.
Which was interesting in the beginning because he’s colorblind. Had a lot of questionable fruit brought home (like a whole bag of green oranges…). He’s better now 
He also doesn’t impulse buy like I do.
We used to grocery shop together before we had kids. After we had kids, DH continued to do the grocery shopping, and would take a toddler/preschooler with him for Daddy-child time. Once the kids were both in school full-time, he continued to do the shopping himself (he’s off on one weekday/week). He still does, but now we shop at 2 grocery stores, so we each go to one.