<p>Ive tried to give the kids the attention they needed, and didn’t think about comparing & measuring, and thought it was working fairly well while they were still living under our roof.</p>
<p>But as they had different interests as well as being 8 yrs apart, my relationship with each of them is different.</p>
<p>However, I have a very simple question.
My youngest will be graduating from college this year.
My question is, should I spend the same amount on her graduation present as I did on her sisters 8 yrs ago, or can I spend more?
If I do spend more, should I give the difference to her sister now?
( and yes, she still isn’t speaking to me, but I am not too proud to try & buy my way into a relationship)</p>
<p>My oldest was first gen college and I really didn’t have any idea what was appropriate.
Now I have a better idea & I want to do more.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that if you spend exactly the same on your youngest as your oldest when the gap is nearly a decade, it’ll be the youngest who ends up short changed if inflation is taken into account. :)</p>
<p>Then again, my family didn’t believe in ensuring every child was allocated the exact same amount of money for gifts. They’d feel that’s taking equality for its own sake to extremes and fails to account for situational contexts of each child concerned.</p>
<p>*Goodness. You have to do something when they graduate? I thought paying for their tuition was enough.
*
Perhaps if we had covered all their expenses we would feel that way.
Possibly because neither H or I have ever attended a 4 Yr school, attaining a college degree seems like a pretty big deal, and I want to commemorate it.
I don’t think either one expected anything.</p>
<p>I got the oldest an engraved iPod touch, youngest wants to go on a camping trip, Ill probably just give her the same amount of cash.</p>
<p>You could just ask her what she wants. Say that you’re willing to give X or if she’d rather, you could get her something that she wants. Personally, I’d rather my parents ask me what I want. I got a beautifully written card that made me bawl and I couldn’t have asked for anything else! </p>
<p>My sister and I are five years apart. I do not compare myself to what she gets or doesn’t get because we’re different people and our family(ies) are in different places now than they were five years ago.
OTOH, my fiance and his brothers all got the exact same amount for their graduations (3 years apart from oldest to youngest).
It’s worked for both of us, but we’re laid back people who are happy with whatever we get (if anything!). I really think this is a “it depends” situation. </p>
<p>I do not think you owe your older D anything extra even if you give your other D more. If you think it’ll cause friction between them though, I’d give the same amount.</p>
<p>Last yr when her bf graduated, his parents gave him money to take D on a trip.
I am trying not to compete with them, which is my own problem, I guess.</p>
<p>So is the consensus people *don’t *give graduation presents?
I really didn’t know, as the kids of my friends are either slightly younger to * a lot * younger.</p>
<p>I don’t think that’s the consensus at all.
In fact, I’d say most people give some sort of graduation present- the size obviously varies greatly from a dinner to an all expense paid trip around the world lol.</p>
<p>We took each kiddo on a prolonged trip with us to celebrate the graduation rather than any financial gift. We paid enough for each to graduate debt free as well. No big other gift.</p>
<p>S’s trip was a 3 week trip for all 4 of us, starting with a train ride, LA to Seattle and the. Driving back down, stopping thru national parks. D got to flu with us LA to Chocago and then DC, where we met S at his place. It was very fun.</p>
<p>My kids graduated four years apart. Most parents probably do give a college graduation gift as it is a big accomplishment. We did not give anything extravagant but gave personalized things (like engraved commemorative box, engraved julep cup from school, etc.). I think we kept things close given inflation but doubt we would have worried about giving older kid something extra if we hadn’t. Congratulations!
And yes, we also did trips but that was really family fun.</p>
<p>We haven’t been able to take many family trips over the years, because of conflicting schedules, but I think now will be easier than later.</p>
<p>H did get to go camping with D a few times this yr - once just the two of them and once with the four of us. ( inc BF)
Both times- downpours.
Im booking a cabin next time.</p>
<p>I got S1’s and DIL’s diplomas framed for them as a graduation gift a couple of months after the fact. I was still in the hospital when he graduated, so it was a crazy time and gifts were the last thing on anyone’s mind. And frankly, after paying our share of college…</p>
<p>We did use FF miles so S could go to the UK for DIL’s graduation and to meet the rest of her family. He was there about six weeks and he paid the rest of his expenses. His FT job didn’t start til September. He had well-paying summer jobs all through school and had a nice nest egg for start-up expenses.</p>
<p>I expect we will let S2 shop our basement for furniture and kitchen gear when he ultimately launches, as his intended area is not as lucrative and it may take a while to land a job. (And when we aren’t paying tuition any more, we can update some things for the empty nest!) </p>
<p>I will frame his diploma, too – and be VERY thankful to have that opportunity. He has not had an easy time of it.</p>
<p>Forgot about that-we did get a frame for older son but the diploma still sets in our house as he doesn’t have anywhere he wants to put it yet. Younger son just graduated in May and we offered to also frame his diploma but he said he doesn’t need it right now. So, we told him to let us know and we will pay for the frame if and when he is ready.</p>
<p>If only either of them had wanted some of the dressers in the basement.
We did manage to get oldest to take her childhood dresser, but we still have several more pieces of furniture, including a mahogany dining set that was Hs grandmothers that we haven’t used for 20 yrs.</p>
<p>We try to keep things somewhat equal but our kids are different and their needs and wants are different. When D graduated, we gave her a beautiful set of luggage and cash. She loves to travel. S will not want luggage, so I will have to start thinking about this. D would never compare, but I think S might… We also framed D’s UG diploma. Her latest diploma is still in the big envelope. Maybe I’ll get that done this winter…</p>
<p>My mother has always worked really hard to keep everything equal. Two of my siblings probably keep track. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Great present from your parents! That is the thing though that you kind of have to know your kids . Some kids would be thrilled with a framed diploma, others wouldn’t be. </p>
<p>I have lots of furniture , etc. to hand down once they get more settled in their own homes without roommates.</p>
<p>hrh brings up a good point- does either of your Ds “keep track” of what the other gets? I could not care less what my sister gets but she’d keep track of our gifts down to the penny if she knew what I got vs what she got :rolleyes:.</p>
<p>I don’t know if they keep track. I wouldn’t think so, but I until recently also had no idea that the older sister used to tell pretty horrible things to her younger sister to scare her.
( when they were younger obviously, but I had * no idea*)</p>
<p>My sister used to keep track, or at least she had a long memory for certain things.
I didn’t keep track, but I couldn’t help but note things.
But, I had the kind of mom who tried to make each one think that we were her favorite.
I think she shared different things with each of us, just like I did, with my kids.</p>
<p>I should be having my kids now, I am so much more relaxed, but we started our family when I was 24. That seems so young now.
Its too bad, my oldest hasn’t really lived here since 2001 and I was a completely different person then. So stressed.
I miss my mom.</p>
<p>I never really kept track but do have some sibs that seem to try to keep a running tally. We try to spend time with my folks a lot and do things to help them. My sibs each do what they can as well. The effort each of us puts in is unequal, but that’s life.</p>
<p>My mom tries hard to give each of us numerically the exact same amount every birthday, anniversary and Christmas, now for each of the kids, each SIL, DIL and grandkid, plus the one great grandkid.</p>
<p>It is always tougher when there is one or more who tallies and somehow always feels they are gypped. I don’t know why some folks feel that way and how to stop them from feeling that way. It’s very unfortunate and I am just grateful that it’s not an issue in our household.</p>
<p>We gave each kid a chunk of money, so they could do things starting out like buy a bed. Even though they graduated four years apart, we gave them the same amount. </p>
<p>I try to provide each kid with what he needs and not measure precisely whether one gets more than the other. Right now one is in grad school and is very poor while the other is working at his first job and making a bucket-load of money. So their gifts vary.</p>
