<p>Do you think your child has an entitlement mentality because of growing up “only”? Is she/he more accomplished because of being the sole focus of the parents’ attention? Does your child have trouble sharing with others?</p>
<p>Do you have special worries about what will happen after you are dead and gone and your child has no siblings to fall back on during bad times?</p>
<p>Were YOU an only child? How did it shape your world?</p>
<p>I think it is very difficult for parents of these only children to see any faults in them at all. And this will sound AWFUL, but based on my experience with people who were an only child, I have told both of my children to tread carefully if they meet one they would like to date. My best friend has been married to two men who were the only child in their families. You can’t even make a cup of coffee for hubby #2 because he is so persnickety.</p>
<p>I have heard an adult only child say that her parents would be crushed if something were to happen to her. But guess what? All parents are crushed when something happens to a child of theirs. It doesn’t matter if they have one or ten kids.</p>
<p>Bit hostile on this thread, putting it mildly. How unfortunate.</p>
<p>I really don’t intend to sound hostile. I will stay off this one and let the thread be discussed by parents of singles.</p>
<p>I’m an only, my kid is an only. </p>
<p>I see no sense of entitlement in my kid. She, is, in fact, very humble and modest.</p>
<p>Growing up, my parents made sure I didn’t act like a brat and I was around a lot of other kids, cousins and friends. I did the same with my child. I didn’t get everything I asked for and she didn’t either. </p>
<p>I believe that there is certain maturity she has because she was around adults more. Teachers expected a lot more out of her because of the “maturity”. Even as a young child.</p>
<p>As far as when her father and I are both gone, we hope that we have given her the tools to be independent. As a matter of fact, we stress that. But even after we are gone and she has no siblings, she has a lot of relatives. She is close with cousins on both sides of the family. </p>
<p>The other “only” adults I know are not selfish “persnickety” people. I’m not sure you can point and someone and say, “Now there’s an only child!”</p>
<p>I’m an only and I have 3 children. I don’t know if it is because I am an only with a single mother that we don’t always see eye to eye and I am not as close to her (love her dearly but need to limit my interactions) - because of this I know I am not as in tune to staying in touch with family. My ex had a sibling but I don’t think it helped him as a person in any way whereas my current husband is close to his brother and both his parents - I both admire and envy him his family. I don’t know that only or not is truly what makes someone who they are - yes it helps to shape them but of the adults I know and respect there is no commonality in where they fell in sibling/no sibling or oldest/youngest/middle.</p>
<p>My mother was an only child. When her mother died at 92, my 63 year old fairly healthy mother died two weeks later from flu complications (grief IMO).</p>
<p>The lack of siblings was a problem when there were three older relatives for whom my parents had to care for a long time.</p>
<p>Yes, she had trouble sharing, and could have played better with others as an adult.</p>
<p>I have siblings and multiple kids, as do my sibs.</p>
<p>I have an only. Like the above poster Silvermoomlock, she is humble and modest much less entitled than her multi-sibling classmates. According to her teachers, she is a kid every parent wishes theirs to be. My periodentist, upon hearing that I have an only, lauched into how great only’s are, everyone of them who comes to his office is great, friendly, well-adjusted. </p>
<p>I do worry what it will be like when we get old. I share the care of our old parents with my siblings.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Not sure that being persnickety or other hackneyed stereotypes commonly associated with “only” children are exclusively or even mostly associated with single children. I can name many older cousins and acquaintances in multiple child households who are the same and are not the “baby” of the family. </p>
<p>Moreover, speaking as an only child…my parents and extended family were exactly the opposite of your “can’t find any fault with their child” assertion while some older cousins in multiple child households were treated as “kids who can’t do no wrong”. </p>
<p>Guess what…those older cousins ended up doing horribly in college and career despite the benefit of a top-notch private school education whereas I’m at least given far more respect nowadays due to my academic and professional accomplishments despite enduring endless petty criticisms and attending a <em>gasp</em> “inferior inner-city public school”.</p>
<p>About the spouse thing- IMO, agree. But, applies to all sorts of differences, too. </p>
<p>One thing only kids miss is the great bickering with a sibling, usually off balance because one’s older, the other younger. And then, being forced by parents to coexist peacefully. More or less. Same for sibling rivalry (or jealousy and attention issues.) It’s different than close cousin relationships or friendships- because you have to live 24/7 under the same roof.</p>
<p>But, good parents are good parents, no matter how many kids.</p>
<p>I have an only child. I do see his many faults, despite what MD Mom says. Is he spoiled? To a certian extent. But he also works hard in school, and at his job. He is not used to sharing, but that is a problem for him. He shares with his friends too easily, and has not learned some of the finer skills of negotiation with peers. He is learning though. He wants to go to school out of state, and be indepdendent. I am encouraging it, but terrified. Am I a helicopter parent? Sort of, but i would be that way if I had one or 5 kids. I will be interested to see how he grows up, and what kind of an adult he will be. He is pretty laid back, and goes with the flow. He can adapt easily and to many environments. He goes out of his way to help friends, and is generous to them. But can also wear his feeling on his sleeve at times. He does not take criticism well (but neither do I, and I am not an only child).
I have worries about my son for many things, but I also feel that he is prepared for the world, and will make his way. He will be fine without me, so I did my job. He has extended family that will keep him close, and he forms strong friendships. He will have the relationships that he needs to be happy. Even without me and his dad! </p>
<p>I was the oldest of 3 girls, my sisters are twins, 2 years younger than me. I do have regrets that my son does not have siblings for many reasons. But sometimes those plans are out of your control. Just because a child has siblings, does not mean they have a strong relationship, or even a healthy relationship with them. So I am not sure that having/not having is the whole answer. I have certianly met families that favor one child over another in very obvious ways. I would bet those favored children are just as difficult to be married to as spoiled only’s.
As for the coffee comment, my son knows better than that. If he does not like the way something is done, he is welcome to do it himself. That does include meals, clothing, laundry…and yes, he does his own laundry (most of the time!)
I can say that we worked really hard to put our child in social situations at a very young age, including large day care, early school, and planned social groups so that he developed the social skills he needed. That has been important, and successful for the most part. But in the end, he still came home to HIS parents, that he did not have to share. Except with our demanding jobs!! LOL
I hope that I answered your questions from my perspective. Not sure if the answers I gave you are what you are looking for or needed!</p>
<p>As an only child myself, I feel no different from any of my friends. Sure it’s a bit more lonely on family vacations and my senior brother can’t drive me to school but I doubt you’d be able to tell how many siblings I had until I told you.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Personally, got plenty of that from my older cousins…especially considering the ones I had the most arguments/issues with tended to be 11+ years older than myself. Even came close to decking one who was 11+ years older when he went a bit too far in trying to exert physical dominance. Guess what…we still don’t get along today. </p>
<p>When I compare notes with friends who had similar sibling relationships…one great thing we all agreed with is that once we were over 17/18…we can interact with siblings/cousins as much or as little we want on our own terms…and there’s nothing wrong with ignoring guilt-tripping parents and older relations who insist we interact with siblings/cousins we don’t get along with.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Ha! I’m often mistaken as the oldest in the family because I’m very independent and for some reason…people feel they can turn to me as the “problem solver” in a given professional/social situation.</p>
<p>I agree 100% with lookingforward re: the bickering of siblings and learning to co-exist. That is the one thing that is not easy to duplicate. It took a long time for my son to understand being “picked on” just for fun, in a joking and loving way. He would get his feelings hurt if someone said something that he did not understand was in fun.</p>
<p>Yes! I agree with lookingforward. I am the oldest of four and have an only. I think that missing the bickering, etc was the main thing that onlies miss. Other than that, we worked hard for her to have playmates, etc while she was young. She is very close to my sister’s youngest and my sister has always told her daughter that she would have to help mine with eldercare (lol). We are working hard to make sure that we have a good retirement situation.</p>
<p>I do not believe that she acts entitled, except with her parents! But she has been good about growing into an adult and accepting her responsibilites and seems to be on schedule for the separations, etc.</p>
<p>I will say the reason I had an only was because I was one of four.</p>
<p>I’m an only, and parent of an only. Two of my son’s closest friends starting in kindergarten were also only children.These three boys turned out very differently from one another (they are now 19 year olds) in terms of personality, but they’re all good kids. Their personalities were molded far more by parenting, genes and peers than the fact that they are only children. Too much gets made of the only child thing.</p>
<p>My children’s friends who are onlies tend to have a refreshingly easy interaction with adults. They are more likely to converse directly with me or my husband and less likely to behave as if the driver of the car is invisible and/or deaf.</p>
<p>LOL deskpotato (love your name BTW). I have seen the same with interaction.</p>
<p>I am the parent of an only and I think he is pretty well adjusted and plays nicely with others. He has faults like everyone else but, like most parents, I mostly see his wonderfulness and choose to not dwell on his procrastination, teenage attitude and such.</p>
<p>My son was not an only by choice. But circumstances dictated he be one and we accepted that.</p>
<p>I do worry about later in life when his parents are gone and he has no one to share those family memories with like I do with my siblings…laughing at Thanksgiving over stupid mundane family things. However, we have a large extended family with many cousins and aunts and uncles and we are very close so he has lots of memories to share with them. And, hopefully, when my husband and I are dead and gone, he will have his own family and be making his own memories.</p>
<p>Having said that, I love having an only. Here are just a few reasons why:</p>
<p>1)We’ve been able to travel to many places in the world that we otherwise may not have been able to afford/coordinate with a larger family. We’ve have the blessing of taking vacations with just the 3 of us and adding a friend of his when we wanted. For example, when we went to Hawaii, we took a friend of his with us and they had a great time and his friend got to go somewhere that his larger family who not have been able to under normal circumstances.
2) I have never had to drive a minivan! 
Other than when babysitting my brother’s 3 kids for a weekend and we had to switch cars to accomodate the car seats and family.
3) Smaller house=less to clean</p>
<p>I know those are silly superficial reasons but they are what they are!</p>
<p>Therefore, I dislike stereotypes about only children. Being demanding or self-absorbed, or having difficulties sharing or working with others is not necessarily correlated with being an only.</p>
<p>My ds does not have an entitled mentality. He is humble and has a lot of self-discipline with a strong work ethic. We have high standards in terms of behavior and what is expected of him both academically and as a human being living in this world. My parents were the same with me. </p>
<p>Is he spoiled? On some level, the answer to this has to be, “yes.” Our attention is not divided among children, so he gets lots of time with us. I would say that, by most standards, he is probably spoiled in terms of opportunities and experiences. With only one, we can afford to do more - trips, music lessons, summer enrichment programs, summer camps, etc. Additionally, with only having one, we <em>should</em> be able to send him to college anywhere he can get in. Of course, the future is always an unknown, but we have been saving for college for him since the day he was born. I am certainly hoping for some merit money, but should he not receive any or should he choose to attend a school that does not offer merit aid, it likely won’t be an issue as long as our entire economy doesn’t collapse! However, I will say that he is NOT spoiled in regard to “stuff.” We do not buy him every gadget, latest clothing fad, etc. My parents were the same with me. I certainly had what I needed, but they did not buy me the “fanciest” of everything available. I did not have designer clothes, purses, watches, manicures, spa days, etc.</p>
<p>I think the detriment to being an only child is not having life-long relationships with siblings. If life follows its natural course, a person has his single longest relationships with his siblings as those typically extend from childhood to old age. However, longevity does not equate to closeness. My dh is not close to his sister at all. And they did bicker a lot as children. </p>
<p>I will have to say that people can probably tell that I am an only because I like being the center of attention.</p>
<p>Both of my parents died when I was only 24 years old, and I do not have much extended family. That is certainly is a downside to being an only.</p>