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I think that’s the case with pretty much all the onlies I know.</p>
<p>My personal theory is that if a child is parented with love, acceptance and security, the details don’t matter so much in how they turn out.</p>
<p>My oldest was raise as an only for almost a decade. She realized real quick she was an only at heart when she had to share the attention with twins. I think many of the only parents are kidding themselves about their onlies. Sure she is kind and works well with others. She has always been a favorite of many of her teachers. She does it because she wants the attention. </p>
<p>She is rarely nice to her sisters. In fact when she is nice, the girls want to know what is wrong with her. Believe me when I say nothing she wanted to do changed after the twins were born. She got to do whatever her heart wanted for activities and such. She is not materialist but you better give her attention when she wants it.</p>
<p>zoosermom-her not having children is probably a good idea unless you see her changing. It’s nice she knows that about herself though.</p>
<p>I see issues with my sister’s kids that are the direct cause of her not sharing. She had what I would call an eye opening experience a couple weeks ago with one of her children, still doesn’t see the problem because it didn’t directly affect her, but really emotionally hurt other people. It’s not a good thing.</p>
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<p>I’m not sure this is exclusive to onlies as I have a few older cousins, friends, and acquaintances who are the same way and yet…not onlies and vary greatly in terms of birth order. Some are the oldest kids, youngest kids, or in the case of an older underachiever “It’s all about awesome me” cousin…the middle male kid bracketed by two high achieving older and younger sisters.</p>
<p>My only can be kind, I wouldn’t call him humble though. He is the most “sure” person I know. He has had a pretty charmed life and he is confident he will work hard and good things will follow. He is confident with his peers and ours, he is usually the leader among his friends. He told me “I don’t believe in being embarrassed, not because I’m arrogant but because I admit when I don’t know something and I never pretend to be someone I’m not”. He said he would be embarrassed if he was unkind or thoughtless so he tries not to be. He can be rigid and he is not a big fan of sharing the food off his plate. He is wonderful with his little cousins, even willing to play the prince to the little princesses so I think he’ll be a decent dad. He is far from perfect and we butt heads from time to time but he is turning into a good man. I believe that because I hear it from so many people he isn’t related to!</p>
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How could he not be with the wonderful role models in his life and the fantastic job his parents have done with him and each other? Plus he is sooooo handsome.</p>
<p>My son is an only, and at the parent teacher conference with his first grade teacher, she shared with me her insights on only children. She had found there were two types: one is “spoiled”, and the other was what my son was, happy to come to school every day to be with other kids, made friends easily, happy to help others. I am one of five, and the middle child, so I chose to have one so I could give my child the things I couldn’t have. As for what happens when my husband and I get old, that the burden will all be on my son, my husband did have this fear for my only son. Husband’s only brother also has an only child. We hope that they will be there for each other. As I said, I am one of five. I take care of my elderly mother pretty much by myself. Occasionally, I get some help from one of my siblings, but in no way is the care of my mother split among us five ways. No matter how many children an elderly parent has, one usually does have the major burden of taking care of that parent.</p>
<p>The one thing that I am somewhat glad about with my “only” is that she never had to deal with any sibling rivalry, something that has plagued my relationship with my sister, even as we are in our 50’s. My mom also struggled with her relationship with her sister up until she died at the age of 73. We broke the cycle. OTOH we worked very hard to instil in D that she was not the center of the universe, only to us, but outside of that, she was just like everybody else. One disadvanage that I see with raising an only is there is no one knocking you back down to earth or putting you in your place like sisters and brothers do. But then again that can backfire because there are no guarantees that these relationships will be good as adults.</p>
<p>zoosermom, you are way too kind!</p>
<p>I think our only benefitted from going to boarding school, he certainly made close friends and learned how to share space at the very least. Of course we were able to send him to boarding school because he is an only.</p>
<p>^^It sounds like you made good choices for your son and they worked out. I would like you go tutor me on this boy thing. Thus far, I’m still in an alien world.</p>
<p>I tried to have a sense of humor about his “onliness”, we used to joke there was a giant spotlight that followed him around at all times being held by one of his grandfathers! They were the ones who believed in the myth of his perfection, not me or crazydad!</p>
<p>The other issue for me was the loss of our first, when S was born I looked at him and realized I could go crazy with the over protectiveness and “wonder of his awesomeness”. I forced myself to be calm and be critical when necessary. I let him go as much as possible, mountain climbing at 15, a safari in Africa with school at 16, dog sledding, camps and sleepovers, bike trips and boarding school. He is really independent, he could always amuse himself for hours when he was little and I honestly can’t remember too many times when he whined he was bored. He is comfortable with his own company. We live in an affluent area so most of the kids have lots of “stuff”, he doesn’t stand out as a spoiled only. Many of his friends have way more stuff and way less responsibility. Trust me he is far from perfect but I tried to raise him not to be a brat.</p>
<p>Found this thread due to insomnia and going back through the cafe looking for an interesting read. Looks like I found it!</p>
<p>My dad is the youngest of six and my mom is the oldest of three. I think they both do define their birth order a little (my mom is extremely strong willed and a leader and takes charge where as my dad is willing to help and is non confrontational of sorts). I am an only child by the definition of my biological family but have an older brother. </p>
<p>I am an only child of sorts. I have an older (half)brother who is 3.5 years older than me. He is from my mom’s previous marriage and lived with his dad so he never really permanently lived with us. He would come for weekends and stay for a week or two in the summer and we would visit him all the time. When I was little I think I told my friends that I was an only child but then said I have this older half brother. Explaining the notion of half siblings to your friends in elementary school is confusing by itself when almost all of my friends were the oldest of 2-4 kids and none of their parents had been married previously. As I got older I started to refer to him as just my brother (my mom tried to get me to focus on that since he wasn’t aloud to call me his step-sister). It was always weird (and is still weird in all honesty) to explain. Both of us technically grew up as “onlies.”</p>
<p>I will say that if you go with the stereotype of an only child I do fit in certain places. I have always felt more mature than my friends, could hold conversations with my friend’s parents easily without the awkwardness, liked talking to my teacher more because their conversations were usually a lot more interesting, being in my head a lot, read a lot as a kid (cleaning out my room as we prepare for a move shows this), participated in a wide variety of things as a kid, had more opportunities than a lot of my friends especially with the cost of colleges, and the notion of being spoiled. I was able to entertain myself to an extent but all kids get bored. </p>
<p>My parents have always had leeway for things with them both working from home from when I was in 3rd or 4th grade. Both of them were extremely flexible and volunteered relentlessly for things when I was a kid. My dad and my friend’s dad singlehandedly created one of the biggest fundraising events for my elementary/middle school. He helped coached a lot of my softball teams and my mom was cookie mom for Girl Scouts. They both work a lot but because I was the only child there focus wasn’t on any other kid. </p>
<p>When I was a kid I defiantly got the spoiled thing. My parents are extremely generous and would do anything for me. Put me through private school from K-12 and was full pay for the college I attended for three semesters (currently taking a semester off). We’ve taken some elaborate vacations (Disney cruise, Alaskan cruise, 2 weeks in Hawaii, etc). Was I bored during a lot of these vacations? In a way yes. My brother came with us on almost all of the vacations but the age difference meant his social life was way above mine (and always has been). We went on vacations with other families which usually made them more enjoyable. My friend’s parents have had to explain to their kids why I was able to have certain opportunities because of being an only child. Both my brother and I were treated as only children in that sense. I have a lot of crap I will admit that but it’s not excessive in a sense. I really tried to go against the normal spoiled connotation because I knew people who defined a spoiled brat and I was nowhere near there. </p>
<p>Do I stick with my parents a lot? Yes but I don’t this is a bad thing. I would hear people in college try to show their independence talking about their parents but I found it odd. My parents have always been my support system. I am independent person but extremely close with both of them. I could never figure out why this is bad thing. I like talking to them and enjoy spending time with them and I do have my own friends to hang out with. One on one time has always been important to me because there are certain things that I only do with each of my parents. I felt special in that sense because I didn’t have to really share them with anyone else (well except my brother but he is the exception). </p>
<p>If you look at the big picture I am not an only child. I have no clue if my brother mentions me if he is asked whether he has any siblings. Never really thought about it but I am sure he does. Are we close? Not really. Do I wish we were closer sometimes? It has its moments. While my brother was deployed I just felt weird in general to think I had this older brother across the ocean in a warzone. He picks on me I pick on him but that is our thing. We are extremely different - you could say complete opposites defined us. There is a long running joke that he is my mom’s favorite son and I am her favorite daughter. I will say there were some slight jealously issues there for a little while but those have gone away. </p>
<p>This got really long really fast. Stereotyping is idiotic and labels are too. I know people who have made comments about me being an ‘only child’ but it is essentially different for every single person. If I had more siblings I am sure my situation would be completely different. Is my family still a family? Of course. Are we normal? Not at all. But most families aren’t anyway.</p>