<p>Just wondered what time your kids have to be home. I am talking about one son going into 11th next year and my oldest graduating from high school this month.</p>
<p>My oldest told me that the kids are staying out “clubbing” until 3 a.m. When I asked him why so late he said that the clubs don’t really heat up until midnight. He’ll be in college pretty soon & I won’t know what time he comes home then, but do you let your kids stay out this late?</p>
<p>Where do you live that has clubs for underage kids after midnight? HMMMM. What clubs are these? What is the legal drinking age in your state? Are the kids getting into over 21 clubs? I would do a bit of reserach to see what these clubs are. In many cities, the clubs close at 2am. Some clubs do start at 10pm and go really late (early), but I would really be suprised if 17-18 year olds are allowed if alcohol is served, and I would guess alcohol is served to make some money. But then, rules are different and some places can’t serve alcohol between 2 and 6am. </p>
<p>My D goes to someplaces, but they stop at midnight at the latest. </p>
<p>Its a matter of judgement. My nieces went to a lot of places, but went in with fake IDs, or knowing the doorman. They didn’t get into trouble, but it matters who your kid is. </p>
<p>S could always say he is crashing at a friends house, and still go clubbing and you would be none the wiser. At least son is letting you know what he is doing!! Thats a good thing…</p>
<p>Drinking age is 21 however they let 18 year olds into the clubs but mark their hand so that they are not to be served alcohol.</p>
<p>My D is graduating from HS too, but she has a midnight curfew. And is usually at friends’ homes at that hour anyway. </p>
<p>Do you have age-restrictions for driving where you live? We have under-17 cannot drive after 11:00 p.m., and can only have 1 passenger, so if my D is driving then she is home at 11:00p.m.</p>
<p>What kind of clubs are we talking here, and what is ‘heat up?’ My H and I went out to a club with friends, no spring chickens any of us, and while we went to dance, the smoking and drinking was so ridiculous that we left early.</p>
<p>If you are looking for opinions, I think 3:00 a.m. is way late. But like you say, who knows what they will do in college. Still, I personally don’t like to bend my rules just because of what they may do in the future. Let that happen when it does, and it is out of our realm then.</p>
<p>Yep, can’t be SERVED alcohol…that I am sure works ;)</p>
<p>It so depends upon the kid, Mominsearch. I would not trust my boys out at night at all and with good reason. Without some chaperoned activity, they were just ripe for trouble, and trouble they often found. On the other hand, my girls could have a wonderful evening with friends, just chatting, watching movies well into the wee hours. I never caught a sign of any illicit activities with them, and now that they are on their own, they admit that they did very little that was risky in highschool. My boys’ stories would make your hair stand up. </p>
<p>I think Citygirlsmom has some good questions. What are these kids doing at 3 am. If they are just sitting around talking in a “safe” place like someone’s home with parents there, that is one thing. A club? I don’t think that it’s appropriate to be regularly clubbing till 3 am when you are still in high school. Not many good things that can come out of that experience and too many bad things. Maybe you want to check out some of these clubs at 2-3am, and see for yourself what kind of company your son is keeping. And which friends are doing all of this clubbing? Once in a blue moon, if a special group or person is playing a gig somewhere, it may be nice to go and listen, but regularly, to me, does not sound so great. And when they get a taste of that freedom, they will fight tooth and nail to keep it. When they go away to college they can stay up all night if they want to do so without answering to you. </p>
<p>In our house, anyone who enters is greeted by a frenzy of barking dogs which awakens H and me. H has trouble sleeping well anyways, and I worry when kids regardless of age are out past my bedtime. Just in my nature. ANd it is not good for me to worry. SO for something special like a prom, or some other special event, we can make an exception, but otherwise even for my oldest son when he had graduated from college and was living at home, there had to be a curfew. For the survival of the family which is dependent on H’s income which is related to H’s sleep. Those are just the house rules. And with so many family members, we can’t have everyone coming in at all hours even if they are no longer minors. Even guest have to be aware of late night entry into our house. We can have a few exceptions, but it just can’t be the rule here for anyone.</p>
<p>My D wanted to go clubbing in Hollywood with friends one night when she was home for the summer last year- I didn’t allow it. I don’t think it’s wise for 19year old girls to be out after 1:00am, especially driving, even if they are not going to be drinking. Others on the road are drinking. (yep, my 19 year old still goes by our rules as long as she lives in our house.)
I know she goes to parties at school during the year that may last much later, but that’s different, imo. She’s with other kids at her college, and no one drives.
As for the 11th grader - he isn’t allowed to go clubbing at any hour, period. Parties with kids from his school are fine as long as the parents are present, and he’s home by 12:00, which is the time his driver’s license states his car turns into a pumpkin.</p>
<p>Thanks guys, I knew that if I wanted to hear what other parents are doing then this was the best & fastest place to get answers - not too mention that you are all just so wise:). I haven’t let him go to a club this is just what he was telling me. Frankly I’m shocked that other parents are letting their kids stay out until 3. I think that there are exceptions (very few though). Oh well, anyone else’s thoughts?</p>
<p>Oh, and as far as my younger son I didn’t mean that he would be clubbing. I just wondered what time you guys used for an 11th grader.</p>
<p>It depends
My 23 year old who is living at home has been informed that I can’t go to sleep unless she is in. So especially since she doesn’t drive and usually takes public transportation she is really good about calling and letting me know if the bus is late etc. If she is out after midnight, she arranges for a ride.
I realize that when she is at school I have no idea what time she gets in, or even if she gets in at all, but as long as she is staying here- I have a say.
My 15 yr old- is either staying overnight at a friends or someplace that is school related. They have gone out to see late movies, but are always picked up by parent ( or brother)no all age clubs for them yet- but that is because they haven’t asked. Summer may be different. One girl lives close to a very popular beach ( one that I remember having a * very *romantic interlude at about 27 years ago!)</p>
<p>I would be very nervous if my son were out “clubbing” until 3 a.m. My son actually does not have a curfew and hasn’t for some time. (He is now 18.) However, he does let us know where he will be, and when he is out late it is almost always at a friend’s house watching a video or some such thing. This past year especially he has started treasuring his sleep more, so he doesn’t have that many late nights. And he has never given us any reason to worry about him, so we give him more freedom that we would otherwise.</p>
<p>As jamimom said, it depends upon the kid.</p>
<p>In MA the ‘curfew’ is midnite - if you are under 18 if you are a driver - cuz the registry of motor vehicles says it is - can’t drive after midnite - til 5 or 6am - no matter what - so it was easier to enforce a curfew on my kiddos - cuz their friends were the same age for the most part. IMHO there is no need for any high school kiddo to be out after midnite - except for maybe a special occasion.</p>
<p>If kids are at a club - it is either an 18 and under club only - which some places do like once a week - or it maybe a club that allows 18 yo’s in - with restriction - to a 21 and over club - but the sure don’t stay open til 3am - and ya they don’t ‘heat-up’ til late in the evening - it isn’t cool to show up early - ahemmmm</p>
<p>Once they hit college - all bets are off - they (most anyways) are 18 and do their own thing for the most part - and we have NO clue about it.</p>
<p>Just another “data point” for your deliberations. When S got his license at 16, his curfew was 11. Later expanded to 11:30 and then midnight.</p>
<p>He is 18 now (sr) and has, frankly, never given us a lick of trouble on this front. He almost never “used up” these times, as his social life is mostly hanging out with friends, an occasional movie, and they all have similar parental limits. Because we have not had to worry and he has been responsible, he now has a “what time do you expect to be home?” curfew. We plan to use this when he is home from college as well. If he is going to exceed whatever is agreed, he is expected to call my cell - if I am awake, great. If I want to sleep, I will turn it off; but should I awaken and wonder/worry, there should be a message there so I don’t have to start envisioning off-in-a-ditch scenarios.</p>
<p>My father gave me this type of “you have earned my trust” approach to curfew lo these many years ago and I truly believe that kids can rise to expectations and show their maturity to earn/keep their trust.</p>
<p>But every kid is different and has different temptations/peer pressure. We’ve been lucky in that regard. Mine sure does have me fretting a bit re next year,tho. He is anxious for registration materials to come out so he can get his “first choice” of schedule - namely, no classes before 10 am and he is hoping no classes on Friday … or Thursday! This is the same kid who I have described as a non-partier? :eek: My mantra is that he has always been responsible…has always been responsible… has always been responsible… <em>voice trails away</em></p>
<p>Things are very much the same with my older S, jmmom (yay, he just graduated yesterday, yay). “What time do you expect to be home?” is the curfew, call the cell if you think you’ll be later, and under all circumstances, know that I will not sleep well until I know you’re in the house, so even if I’m asleep, stick your face in my room and say goodnight when you arrive, regardless of time. It’s likely I’ll hear it and be reassured.</p>
<p>I think he’s never come in later than 1:30am so far, and even that was an unusual occurrence. </p>
<p>I will not be as trusting with my second S (current HS soph): he has not earned that trust.</p>
<p>Jmmom, a number of kids who try the party scene find that the downsides offset the good times. Though most kids have big plans and dreams about this scene, it does not usually pan out as expected. My older son rarely got ill growing up. No headaches, rarely vomited, etc. A few hangovers and praying to the porcelain altar, plus cleanup took care of over drinking. And when you don’t get ploughed, it isn’t so fun or fascinating to be with a bunch of drunks. So he limited that scene sharply, and surprisingly a large number of kids take that route. There is always that fear that this lifestyle or the substances themselves become addicting or harmful to a kid, and when and if that happens, some intervention is in order, but most of the time, the kids do figure it out at college. It’s just you don’t want them doing this at home because it then becomes your business that they are doing illegal activities and distressing you.</p>
<p>Thank you, jamimom. I am hoping for the quick learning curve. And he certainly knows that we expect him to maintain the GPA for his scholarship (and expects that of himself). I would actually like to see him blossom a bit more in the social arena; just not too many dates with the porcelain altar.</p>
<p>I’m 22… and I never had a curfew… JR licenses here (under age 18) say you have to be home by 11, so if I was driving i needed to be home by then. There were quite a few nights where i was out with friends and just decided to stay there because we were going to be hanging out later than 11, so i’d call home and say I was spending the night… or i’d just get a ride home from someone over 18. one of my best friends here is five years older than me (he just got his masters from Columbia not too long ago), and he used to pick me and a friend of mine up and take us to his place to hang out back when we were like 16. (yes, that’s 16 year old girls hanging out with 21 year old boys… and no they didn’t buy us alcohol or anything like that 
) we’d often hang out till 12 or 1 or so and then he’d bring us back here… but my parent’s knew him and were perfectly fine with that… I think it just depends on how the kids are. once i turned 18, it didn’t matter. if i wanted to go somewhere, i did… simple as that. when i was at school a lot of times i’d be hanging out with friends till 3 or so in the morning… and then we’d just go back to our apartments… but there was no parents there. </p>
<p>Like i said, depends on the kid :)</p>
<p>Weekend curfew for 18 yr old son: usually 1 to 1:30am if he’s with people his age. </p>
<p>If he’s with friends who are are 1-2 years older, a little later, depending on the night’s plans. If he’s with younger friends, they usually have earlier curfews. </p>
<p>If it’s a night with a school dance (obvi not prom) or other function that goes until 11pm, then 2-2:30am, which gives enough time to go to the diner, then to an impromptu get-together at someone’s house, without speeding home.</p>
<p>Latest curfew this year: 3am one night, for some special reason that I can’t remember. He arrived home earlier than that, after stopping at the 24-hour deli with a friend. This indicated to me that most of the other kids were in for the night and there wasn’t much reason to stay out. No way would I go for 3am on a regular basis. It’s too hard to return to a schoolday/workday routine, plus getting home at 3am pretty much guarantees sleeping until noon or later.</p>
<p>We have worked up to these times over the last 3 years, during which time he has gone out every weekend night and almost every night during the summer. He has friends in different cliques and it’s usually not the same group every night. Essentially, he has “earned” his curfew times by demonstrating that he can handle himself. I can count on one hand the times he has missed curfew, and usually it’s by only a few minutes. There are exceptions, for instance, if he leaves the house early in the evening, I’d want him home sooner. If I’m not crazy about who he’s hanging out with that night, I’d want him home earlier. If he has to work the next day, then I backtime the curfew from the hour he’s expected at work. It also depends on whether he’s driving or not, and if so, how far away the other people live. Also, if he’s had a very busy week, or expects an exceptionally busy week ahead, or has important exams, the time is adjusted accordingly. On occasion he will call to request extra time for one reason or another. Basically at this point he can assume I’ll be okay with 1-1:30am on a regular basis. </p>
<p>Until recently, he has had to call me to check in every couple of hours when he’s out, or if he changes location. I still don’t like him out at night for more than 3-4 hours without checking in. Once in a blue moon I ask him to call from a land line to confirm that he’s really where he says he is (the calling number lights up on my phone). I do wait up for him, sometimes while watching tv in bed, and sometimes in the kitchen. I try to mix it up; keeps him on his toes. </p>
<p>For a rising high school junior, 12:00 midnight sounds reasonable, flexing towards 12:30am depending on local custom and friends. </p>
<p>As an aside, for a long time I gave him a range: come home between 11:30pm-12:30am. Of course he would usually walk in at 12:29am, but I wanted it to register with him that the earlier option was something he might consider… a “choice” that was his to make. (After all, if you have a 60-minute curfew window and you blow it, what does that say about your ability to handle the responsibility of a later curfew?)</p>
<p>Since I wait up, I do expect that 1:30am curfew means physically inside the house by the stroke of 1:30am if not sooner. That being said, if he’s running late for some unexpected reason (car was blocked, extra friend needs a ride, misjudged driving distance), he must call to let me know and I’ll give him extra time rather than having him drive home in a rush. Only once did I receive a really lame call at 1:15am, saying that “the service at the diner is slow tonight and we just got our food”.</p>
<p>I had always assumed that during senior year, or sooner, my son would have no curfew at all. However, I would not be comfortable with that option given the social environment and typical weekend activities in our area. He would like to have unlimited freedom, but I feel that I am flexible (while still getting some sleep) and the current arrangement meets both of our needs pretty well. We’ll see how things go over the summer.</p>
<p>I have found that the other kids will not volunteer their curfew times, and as a result, they all believe that everyone else is allowed to stay out later than they really can. Oftentimes, kids sleep over at other homes to avoid their usual curfew. Over the years I have asked other parents how they handle curfews, and this has been helpful in establishing some reasonable guidelines. I especially like to hear from parents of older and preferably wilder boys. Often they tighten the reins on the next child in line. Once I hear the phrases “oh, they’re good kids” and/or “maybe I’m naiive, but…” I discount whatever that parent says. Usually these parents are totally clueless and prefer it that way.</p>
<p>I have known families that have had no curfews and no problems. Just did not work for our family. I also just worry too much to let my kids just stay over at someone’s house without planning to do so, and without my vetting the family. And we have the added issue of little ones still at home as well. We have to get up early every morning, so to have the older ones coming in at all times would not work for us even if we thoroughly trusted the kids. I really don’t see any good reason to let kids who are highschool age to stay out really late and do what they please, as the down side of a bad decision can be catastrophic.</p>
<p>Agree, jamimom. I didn’t allow sleepovers for almost all of 10th and 11th grade. There was sneaking out, sneaking people in, and too little supervision. Plus, the kids exhausted themselves.</p>
<p>Random comment: One family we know with 4 kids, all now college-age, has a talking parrot. The parrot has learned to say things at certain times of the day. If it is dark and someone leaves the house, the parrot says, “Be careful!”. That just cracks me up.</p>
<p>I am going to be an 11th grader next year, and the rule in my house is generally 11:00. I have to call my mom every hour, on the hour when I leave. It really isn’t that hard, and she trusts me because she knows that I am safe when I call. However, if I am with friends and am having a lot of fun, and if I have been good at calling her all night, and I call her and say that I am having fun and want to stay later, she is ok with that. As long as she knows who I am with, where I am, my plan for getting home or getting to a friends house, and what I am doing, she is really cool about everything.</p>