<p>RANT WARNING! Skip and just answer the question if you don’t feel like reading//</p>
<p>Most of the legit money, stock, and bonds are being left for me, but all of our tangible belongings are being split…between me and my cousin. I’m so p!ssed…I feel that she shouldn’t be able to get half of all the proceeds from future sales of properties because she’s 1) not my only cousin 2) has her own parents and 3)is always looking to my mom for money. She’s currently remodeling her house because it’s too “dirty and old,” so my mother is providing her the funds…out of my college savings fund. “It’s just a couple thousand, and she lives in China so you’re more well off than her and you have enough saved up for college anyways.” Yeah right. I’m going to have to go to a state college with the amount of money she’s saved up for me, because there’s no way I’m going to be able to go to a private college and be able to pay off a $75k+ debt when I come out and still go to grad school. I think it’s so unfair how somehow my cousin can afford to buy herself Nike and Converse while I have to wear clothes from K-Mart because we “don’t have the money to buy [me] those types of clothes.”
Well duh, my mom doesn’t want to spoil me, but seriously, I HATE my cousin and think this is totally unfair that so much is being left for her. And she doesn’t even study that much either! Aurgh…why can’t my mom just give all her money away to a charity or something??</p>
<p>END RANT//</p>
<p>SO ANYWAYS, if you only have a single child/is an only child, how much are you leaving your child/getting from your parents in their will? Would you leave about $100k in properties to your niece/nephew (and a lot less to all of your other nieces/nephews)?</p>
<ol>
<li>It is not your money</li>
<li>No one owes you anything</li>
<li>It is rants like this that makes the concept of dying broke appealing</li>
<li>It is not your money</li>
</ol>
<p>Assume that you are getting nothing from your parents and work as hard as you can at paying your own way. If you get something, then consider it a pleasant surprise.</p>
<p>I would try discussing the issue with your mom because the situation must be more complex than you described for that to be happening. Is the sister have monetary problems of her own, did something happen to her parents?</p>
<p>Anyway, as other posters said it is not your money so the most you can do is express your concerns (again?) to your mom. </p>
<p>I have a sister so I can’t answer the second part of your question.</p>
<p>A close friend’s family had one fo the sons EX GIRLFRIEND in their will for years- people can do whatever they want.</p>
<p>Sometimes when you don’t understand WHY it can be hurtful, there may be years of family history that explain this…maybe your parents came from China and your cousin’s parents helped fund the trip over with the understanding that their child would benefit some day?</p>
<p>Can you very nicely ask your mom about the reasoning? Start with the premise that there must be a good reason and just ask so that you can feel supportive, too?</p>
<p>I am surprised that you even know what’s in your parents’ wills. My kids do not know what’s in H and my wills, and I didn’t know what was in my mom’s will until she died.</p>
<p>It is not your money. Your mom can do whatever she wants with her money.</p>
<p>I find it selfish and creepy that you are venting over your concerns about what you will and will not get after your mom dies. If you want money, find a way to work and get it. Your mom can do whatever she wants with her money, and I don’t see her decisions about that to be something for you to discuss with her or vent here about.</p>
<p>I think it’s strange too that the OP knows so much about what her mom is doing with her money and how much she is helping her cousin. I can’t help from wondering why mom is so open about this and why she has set up a competition between the two.</p>
<p>OP, you mentioned your cousin is in China, is there any chance your mom Chinese? In Chinese culture, extended relationships are much, much closer than American. You just have to see it through your mom’s cultural perspective.</p>
<p>You and your cousin may have to pay taxes on that property, so perhaps it will benefit you to have someone else with whom to share that expense.</p>
<p>To answer your question, my only child is the sole heir. I have considered adding a charity in there, as well, but decided not to. </p>
<p>I agree with the person who posted that you may not know the whole story. Your mother may have received something from the cousin’s family at some point.</p>
<p>I agree there is likely a cultural component. Perhaps someone helped mom in a similar way when she was younger or perhaps someone was in a position to help but didn’t so mom is doing what she thinks is right.</p>
<p>I think cartera45 brings up a good point. It seems odd that the mom is telling the child enough information to cause hard feelings while withholding the possible explanations that would help the child understand all these decisions.</p>
<p>Why should anyone have “hard feelings?” Why should the mother have to explain? It’s her money - she can leave it to whomever she pleases. </p>
<p>The only reason anyone should have hard feelings would be if they know that the cousin used some sort of undue influence or pressure on her (aging?) aunt to get herself included as an heir. If mom is leaving money to cousin on her own, free of undue manipulation or pressure, then fine. It’s what she wants to do with her money. End of story.</p>
<p>Yes, the money belongs to your Mom and she has every right to will it to whomever she pleases. On the other hand, I kind of agree with the OP here in regards to wondering why one cousin is being left a fair amount of his Mom’s assets. I’m not saying that I don’t agree that the Mom has every right to split her assets as she wishes. I am saying that I can understand the feelings of the OP on this issue.</p>
<p>I don’t think the OP is being unreasonable to be upset if he/she is, as blankmind said, getting enough info for hard feelings without enough info for understanding.</p>
<p>I mean, it’s not exactly unreasonable to be angry that money is being taken from one’s <em>college fund</em> for someone else if one isn’t getting enough details to understand why. The will may not be any of the OP’s business, but I think the college fund most certainly is. I don’t think we really know enough to judge here. It’s possible that the mother is being taken for a ride by a manipulative person. Similar things happen all the time. And the fact that nobody is compelled to leave money to anyone in particular in his or her will doesn’t mean that the choices in one’s will are always good ones. People leave their money to people (or, ahem, pets) who shouldn’t be getting it all the time.</p>
<p>And, maybe I just have a different worldview here, but if someone has children who haven’t done anything awful to not deserve money left to them, the children should get some of it. I think it’s tremendously cold to suggest that parents have no responsibility to leave a bit behind for their kids if they are able to do so. OF COURSE there are going to be hard feelings if your parent leaves you out in the cold or tremendously cuts into what you could have in favor of someone you don’t think deserves the money. It’s HURTFUL to be neglected in that way.</p>
<p>If you do bring it up to your mom, please try to do it tactfully. If my child expressed herself to me as you did in your rant, I would be inclined to give her less money.</p>
<p>We’re all being very “adult” by saying mom can do whatever she wants with her money and, while that is true, is it so hard to understand that a college aged kid would be confused or even hurt by this? Maybe we should all be mature enough to not equate bestowing money with bestowing love or acceptance or approval, but are we really?</p>
<p>cartera, I don’t even think it’s an age thing. My mother in her fifties, my mother-in-law in her sixties, and other people in that age range have expressed similar misgivings about the contents of their parents’ wills to me. I think the reaction we are seeing here is based on the tone and age of the OP.</p>
<p>I totally get what the OP is saying. unfortunately, mom is setting this up for a lot of future hurt, ill will and un due harm to her only child. It is reasonable for someone to be hurt when they are privy to only some of the information as to why it is being done the way it is. Culturally, maybe it is the norm for children to know what is in the wil. I think it is foolish as other have pointed out otherwise, that their kids should not know what is in the will. I have an only child and she will get everything if she is the survivor after hubby.
I have been in a situation when a parent dies and things are not spelled out clearly before they die. It is cause for many years of hurt, confusion and miscommunication.
And yes, I would leave some things to my only nephew, after all my sister is a single parent and in a less fortunate situation than me. But my daughter would have no problem with this.</p>