<p>While I empathize with the OP, I don’t see why he is so upset about it.<br>
His mother is paying for his college education in addition to leaving half of her estate to him. That is more than generous.
Where is it written that as parents we have to leave everything to our children when we die? The OP will be able to earn his own way in the world…and may learn to appreciate what HE has acquired.</p>
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<p>I think the reactions are based on the sense of entitlement that is on display. Resenting sharing an estate with others bespeaks the notion that the daughter is “owed” the money somehow or already owns it and is merely waiting to take possession - but feels she is being cheated out of it.</p>
<p>Agree with above.</p>
<p>We don’t know, and neither, I would bet, does the OP, what lies behind the decision of the mother to leave so much to a niece. Perhaps the cousin’s parents took care of grandparents, while the OP’s mom could not because of moving to the US? So this would be a way for the mother to even out the burden–by giving something to the sibling’s child.
Perhaps the OP mom’s owes something to her sibling for different reasons. Perhaps the OP’s mom does not owe anything but is concerned about the prospects for her niece.
As far as raiding the OP’s college fund, those funds do not actually belong by right to the OP. It is money that the mom set aside, but it is still mom’s money, not something that the OP earned though blood, sweat and tears.
For the sake of family harmony, however, it would be a good thing is OP and mom had a good chat about finances and family obligations.</p>
<p>Thanks to PhysicsMom for the above response. </p>
<p>I am wondering how many of those who claim that the OP is “entitled” have inherited from their own parents?</p>
<p>I think that if the OP has as much knowledge about his mom’s will as he seems to already, then perhaps she is using it in a manipulative fashion already. One of my best friend’s parents tore their family up by leaving two of the children out of the will while leaving three in (and ironically, the three left in were the least needy of the bunch, and none of them had received any financial help prior to the parents’ deaths).</p>
<p>purpleflurp - I haven’t seen anyone post that they think the OP is entitled to anything. If they had, however, your attribution of the reason is petty.</p>
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<p>I would disagree with the philosophy behind that. Yes, the funds are technically the property of the mother. But, to me, once you say, “This is your college fund,” you have essentially bestowed a gift, and it’s wrong of you to then use the funds as you please. Technically, everything anyone under eighteen has is owned by his or her parents, but it’s still wrong for the parents to take those things away without a strong reason. I’m not saying parents can punish their kids and such, but a mere “It’s actually mine, and I’ve decided to reallocate it because I can,” isn’t a strong enough reason.</p>
<p>“purpleflurp - I haven’t seen anyone post that they think the OP is entitled to anything. If they had, however, your attribution of the reason is petty.”</p>
<p>Actually, cartera, you are wrong here. The entitlement was implied in many posts and stated outright in coureur’s below:</p>
<p>“I think the reactions are based on the sense of entitlement that is on display. Resenting sharing an estate with others bespeaks the notion that the daughter is “owed” the money somehow or already owns it and is merely waiting to take possession - but feels she is being cheated out of it.”</p>
<p>I think that is fairly clear, isn’t it?</p>
<p>Also, I realize that you have some issues with me, though I am not sure why I am singled out. But picking me out on this issue is telling, since what I said about entitlement is supported.</p>
<p>Regardless, many parents act “petty” with their money and many manipulate with it. As an attorney, you are aware of that, I’m certain.</p>
<p>I don’t agree about college funds. I certainly would be most reluctant to raid college funds (although financial crises depleted those funds more drastically than any move I might have made). But financial circumstances change, and with them, comes the need to reallocate savings. People do that all the time: they raid their 401K because they were laid off or suffered a major illness. Many parents unwisely dip into their savings to finance their children’s college education (extremely bad move)College funds are not sacrosanct. They are money set aside for a child, but they do not belong to the child, unless it is in the child’s name and the parent cannot touch it.</p>
<p>And, for the record, we did not inherit anything from our parent. In fact, we are happily supporting our sole remaining parent, grateful for what she did for my H as he grew up in the immediate postwar. We have also sent money to various relatives in difficult circumstances. That’s what families are for.</p>
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<p>Issues with you? I’d have to go back to do a search to even remember what other opinions you have expressed. </p>
<p>I think others have pointed out that the OP feels entitled. That is what coureur pointed out. I hadn’t seen others express the opinion that she or any other child is entitled to all of a parents’ inheritance. I still haven’t.</p>
<p>Logically the money belongs to the mother and she could give it to anyone she wants. But I think many of us would admit, often people tie love to money, right or wrong. We equate how much money someone is willing to spend to how much someone loves a person. I think OP is feeling more about how his mother could love his cousin as much as him, or maybe even more. People often confuse money with love.</p>
<p>Why can’t you answer his questions?</p>
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Depends on his/her stats & school attended. Colby? I’ll send the tuition bill to collection. Brown? 0. Dartmouth? 0 HYPSMCBerkeley? 100%. The rest of the top 10 schools? 50%. Random majors from HYPSMCBerkeley? 0. I don’t want to support anyone’s silly dream. </p>
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Yes.</p>
<p>Re post #30: Indeed. And it’s so wrong.</p>
<p>I see nothing petty in purpflurps post.
Many posters have expressed that the OP is not entitled to her mothers money or poseesions.</p>
<p>mildandsugar - we agree then that most have said she is not entitled. That is why I questioned a statement to the contrary - </p>
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<p>cartera:</p>
<p>I misunderstood your post and therefore replied to something I thought you said rather than what you did say. I’m sorry for the confusion.</p>
<p>To reply: I don’t think a child is necessarily entitled to a parent’s money, but as a parent myself, I will leave everything to my own children.</p>
<p>And I do not interpret the OP’s post as expressing a sense of entitlement. I think the feelings are justified (not knowing the entire story).</p>
<p>There seems to be a mutual misunderstanding. My apologies for that too. </p>
<p>To answer the OP’s question, I believe I will leave everything to my only child. I’m hoping there will be an “everything” to leave at this point. No inheritance in my future, but at least there is no chance of being manipulated by it.</p>
<p>I’m an only child. My parents were divorced, and my father remarried. When he died, he left me a sizeable portion of his estate, but also left some to his second wife. I had no problem with that at all, as she made him very happy for nearly 30 years, has been a very loving stepmother, and is the only living grandmother my children have left. My mother had no money at all when she died, and H and I supported her in her last years.</p>
<p>As so many others have said, it’s the OP’s mother’s right to do anything she likes with her money, although she certainly could be handling the matter better.</p>
<p>My will has everything going to my children, my parents have set up the same thing for their kids, but are rewriting their will now and are in the midst of some interesting discussions:</p>
<p>Do you leave it only to your kid? Your kid & their spouse? Your kid & their kids, not spouse? Addressing what would happen if one of the beneficiaries is dead and has left behind a family can be complicated. </p>
<p>Then there is the issue as to who can and cannot take care of themselves, I know one family where the parents have purchased a home free & clear for the do nothing unstable kid and another home where the parents disowned the unstable kid, so it can go either way. Lots to think about and consider, I suppose it is the reason why which makes us take pause and if we are going to do something in our wills or estate planning which might be unusual, it could be a kindness for those left behind to leave an explanatory note</p>
<p>My mother is an only child who had a volatile relationship with her parents. They worked very hard and saved every penny. The biggest joy in their life was the money they were leaving for my mother when they died. My mother endlessly encouraged them to spend it on themselves. When they were having difficulties, my grandparents would write my mother out of the will and direct the money to my sister and I. </p>
<p>My mother was adament that none of us count on that money. It wasn’t ours, it was her parents to do as they wished and if they got made enough and left it all to charity, then so be it. </p>
<p>In the end, while dismantling their estate to finance ten years of Alzheimers care (my grandmother was diagnosed shortly after my grandfathers death)a six figure estate ended up being a four figure estate by the time they had both died. </p>
<p>We were thankful to be able to provide such good care yet so sad that my grandparents never took the cruise they always talked about or really let themselves enjoy that money when they could appreciate it. </p>
<p>Money is like life itself in that we can plan all we want but sometimes things go completely off track. Also, the only thing we can truly control is our own actions and reactions. Personally, I would let go of the will and speak as calmly as you can with your mother about college. I wish you the best of luck.</p>
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<p>We’re going to do this once S is done with college. Right now we have the traditional set up but once he is educated, we plan to leave him a certain percentage and use the rest for other family members and two charities that are very important to us. </p>
<p>Just as we currently have a letter that is not attached to or an official part of our wills designating certain items for certain family members, so too will we put in an unofficial document explaining our actions. We will also tell S when we do it but I don’t feel that is a must, just the way we want to handle it. </p>
<p>The only thing even remotely interesting about our estate now is that in my will the money remains under the control of the executor for several years longer than my husband has stated in his. We discussed it, could never agree on it and started arguing about it again in the lawyers office, leading me to infamously accuse my husband of wanting our orphaned child to become a drug addict. (I was eight months pregnant. He forgave me.)</p>
<p>Mercifully, the lawyer said, “It’s two different estates, you can each chose the age you deem appropriate.” </p>
<p>Why we never thought of that on our own, I don’t know.</p>